The surprise I never expected but always wanted. A few years back scrolling on facebook I came across a van Gogh post, instantly my attention was grabbed. The post was about The van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam and as I swiped through all of the pictures a dream to visit this place grew in my heart. How I would get to go seeing that it was in Amsterdam I don’t know but it definitely made the bucket list.
For as long as I can remember I’ve always been intrigued by a few van Gogh paintings. Starry Night being the main one but also many of his Sunflower paintings. What really piqued my interest in Vincent van Gogh was about 12 years ago, I was really into a show called Doctor Who. Great show really and if I were to go into depth about what the show is about this blog would turn into a book. The gist is that The Doctor time travels through different periods of time in a police box called the TARDIS. In this episode:
The Doctor and Amy time travel to Paris take Vincent in the TARDIS to the van Gogh exhibit at the Musée d’Orsay. Vincent is stunned at the display and becomes emotionally overwhelmed when he overhears art curator Dr. Black (Bill Nighy) say that Vincent was “the greatest painter of them all” and “one of the greatest men who ever lived”. They return an emotionally changed Vincent to the past and say their final goodbyes. As the Doctor and Amy return to the present, Amy is confident that there will be hundreds of new paintings by Vincent waiting for them, though the Doctor is less certain. Amy is crushed to learn that Vincent still committed suicide weeks after their adventure, at the age of 37. The Doctor explains that life is a mixture of bad and good, and while their brief encounter with Vincent couldn’t undo all of the bad, they added some good to his life.
Source (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vincent_and_the_Doctor)
Now when I saw this episode I of course cried because it was emotional to realize that some of the greatest artists known to man never truly got to see how their art impacted the world so for this show to show what it would’ve been like for them to see how much the world loved their art struck a chord.
To the surprise, two years ago I found out that The van Gogh Exhibit would be coming to the U.S, specifically to Florida. I was beyond excited, I instantly told my mom and started to plan out how and when we’d go. We had plans to visit Florida and I was on a mission to see this exhibit so with flights booked and figuring out what to do during our week stay, sadly our plans needed to be changed. Not only were Covid restrictions worse for travel but the exhibit was sold out for that week so naturally we gave up on going to Florida for Spring Break and finally decided on going to Virginia Beach for the week.
Was I heartbroken? Tremendously. Did I think the world was going to end? For sure. Did I let it stop me from enjoying my Virginia Beach Trip? Nope. What was I talking about again? Oh right, my surprise. After the Brooklyn Bridge we walked around New York and decided to sightsee, once again I thought of bringing up visiting The Met Museum but thought it was best to leave it be and just enjoy the day. We walked for what seemed like an hour (now I grew up walking New York/ Jersey Streets and I knew what seemed familiar and what didn’t) where we were headed didn’t seem familiar at all but I paid no mind to that.
Suddenly my mom says “Janny look to your left” but all I could see was water, I was so confused and at this point Jackie also chimed in saying “Janny LOOK LEFT.” No matter how much they said to look left I didn’t see anything until my mom pointed towards a building. On the building the only thing I could see in utter shock was the word “VAN GOGH” . I was paralysed, stunned, and I couldn’t even think straight. I was at a loss for words, I know hard to believe but true and as shocked as I was all I could do was cry. Finally after what seemed like a dream hard to achieve finally I would get to experience The van Gogh exhibit.
As both mom and Jackie tried to get me to stop crying and enter the building I couldn’t help but think, “Is this really my life? Am I really blessed and lucky to have such amazing people in my life.” They scanned mom’s phone for our tickets and the minute we entered the walls and stairs were filled with sunflowers. As we walked up the steps I could already see many of the self portraits he painted. I didn’t know whether to continue crying, start recording, or take pictures. You may say “Janny, why must you always take pictures and videos just enjoy the moment.” Trust me no matter how many videos and pictures I take I am enjoying the moment to the fullest. I just like to look back and remember how beautiful the experience was.
As we read his life story, saw his works of art, his room, and many things come to life, something I read really penetrated my heart. Reading about his life it talked about how his father was a Pastor and how van Gogh had a passion for teaching bible study, preaching, and helping those less fortunate. A short piece of his biography
“In January, 1879 Vincent began his duties preaching to the coal miners and their families in the mining village of Wasmes. Vincent felt a strong emotional attachment to the miners. He sympathized with their dreadful working conditions and did his best, as their spiritual leader, to ease the burden of their lives. Unfortunately, this altruistic desire would reach somewhat fanatical proportions when Vincent began to give away most of his food and clothing to the poverty-stricken people under his care. Despite Vincent’s noble intentions, representatives of the Church strongly disapproved of Van Gogh’s asceticism and dismissed him from his post in July.”
Source (http://www.vggallery.com/misc/bio.htm)
As I read more into his life I couldn’t help but empathize with this man. I didn’t know this part of his life seeing as I focused on his art but I couldn’t help but feel an even deeper connection with him. Most people only know that he was an amazing artist who was depressed and had mental breakdowns that landed him in an asylum. To know that this man loved God, loved teaching bible study, and helping others brought me to a whole new level of admiration. Instead of viewing him as someone who was depressed and somewhat crazy I began to view him as a fellow follower of Christ. I mentioned to my mother and Jackie that it all made sense why this man went through so much torment in his life. How powerful could this man have been as a Preacher, how much of a threat was he that the enemy made sure this man had gone insane and was so depressed that in the end he decided to take his life.
It was like I was viewing his art for the very first time and my heart was not only happy but somewhat very emotional. Though this man experienced pain, anxiety, depression, manic episodes he still chose to paint the world that he saw so beautifully and vibrantly. As I write this I can’t help but pause and reflect on life. This man has been gone for many years now and he is still teaching me that though life can be hard, can be exhausting, can feel lonely it doesn’t take away from the beauty it still holds.
Has life been unkind to you? Have you felt that you’d be better off gone? I want to let you know that to me you are a beautiful painting. You may be complex, hard to understand, painted with many layers but at the end of the day you are valued and admired.
My experience at the van Gogh Exhibit was not only a dream come true but I left understanding people and life a bit better. Seeing his paintings come to life to such magnitude was life changing and I soaked up every minute of it. If you guys ever get the chance to go run don’t walk because I’m sure you’d love it just as much as I did.
Love always,
Janny Mari
One Day at A Time with Janny Mari 