As I reflect on my last day being 28 years old I can’t help but look back on the year I’ve had. It started out as the worst year of my life. Losing someone who was such a staple in my life, someone who I admired and loved with all of my heart, who I’d go to for anything and everything wasn’t easy. I wondered how my year would look since it started off badly. I can’t help but realize that this year for me was a year of overcoming fear and doubt. The fear of what if I can’t do it, what if I fail at something, what if I miss out on something because I’m too scared to even try?
This year has not only been a year of overcoming fear and doubt but also the year of dreams coming true. The minute I stopped listening to all of the negatives and began to want more for my life, doors started opening out of nowhere. For as long as I can remember I’ve always wanted to study Ancient Egyptology and I remember telling my friend in middle school that I would study at Oxford because it was an Ivy league school. What may seem silly or impossible for us is very much possible with God. Last year an opportunity presented itself to me and I began to study Ancient Egyptian Art and Archeology through an online course at Harvard. Did 11 year old me ever think that I would be able to study Egyptology much less be taught by Harvard professors and scholars? Never in a million years but I serve such an amazing God who considers all the petitions of our hearts no matter how big or small and I couldn’t have been more grateful for such an opportunity.
Something I wanted badly this year was to have an amazing relationship with God. One where I was sensitive to His voice, His Spirit, and completely fall in love with Him. I went through a lot these past few years where I felt that I had given so much of myself that I was losing sight of who I was. At some point I was no longer doing things to mainly please God but to please man. How you may ask? Because suddenly coming to church services became a chore, something I did so that no one would say anything about me. I kept saying yes to helping in so many areas without filling myself up or taking the time to rest. I stopped relying on reading the Bible daily and relied on the word I already knew, the prayers I’ve already prayed. My Pastor would always say your Prayer/ spiritual life is like a Bank, you have to keep on depositing into your account with Prayer, vigil, and fasting so that you are filled with His Spirit. When we depend on past prayers and fastings we continue to empty our account and honestly I couldn’t have learned a harder lesson in life. He knew what he was talking about, he knew that if we were ever on empty it would hard to get back to 100%.
Getting back to having a close relationship with God took everything in me. I had to go through a very hard process, I’ve had to deny my flesh, wants, and desires. I’ve had to ask God to refine me and make me new because I wanted a new relationship, I wanted to be completely in love with God and to serve Him with my whole heart again. I am pleased to report that I am finally in a place where I am madly in love with God, where I am close to Him and sensitive to His voice. All I ever want is to Worship and serve God to the best of my abilities. My goal and desire is to help others to have this relationship with God so that they realize that God loves them and wants the best for everyone.
Back to my 28th year, 28 has taught me to let go of fear and embrace new adventures and challenges. Never did I think I would study Egyptology, nor did I think that I would stand on the corner of one of the tallest buildings in New York and be able to see it from such a perspective. This year I’ve gone on so many adventures! From weekly heights, to trying out new restaurants, exploring Virginia Beach & Washington. To all of the fairs, carnivals, beaches, and late night car rides. I never thought that I’d be putting on a wetsuit and getting into a tank with 9 Sharks! Don’t even let me get started on how scared I was to start this blog and actually launch it. This year I’ve fallen more in love with God, Life, and Myself. After looking back 28 wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be and it was everything and more.
28 taught me to be even more confident, that I am beautiful, amazing, adventurous, and loved beyond compare. Definitely looking forward to what 29 will bring.
Love,
Janny Mari
One Day at A Time with Janny Mari 