Hey guys, hoping this finds you well. You already know it’s another unpacking and this time I’m serious, you guys better be somewhere comfortable because I’m hoping this one makes you think of your younger self as well. A thought came to my mind today while I was at work because for some reason I started to think of my younger self and how far I’ve come as a person.
Growing up was kind of tough for me, being an overweight child didn’t really help matters either. I’m not someone who really talks about this so for me to be bearing my soul right now is kind of scary but I’m grateful that I can share this because who knows maybe one of you will be able to relate to me. Like I said growing up was hard, kids aren’t always the nicest, and sometimes they really do just judge your outward appearance without getting to know you. I remember there were times where even the neighborhood kids wouldn’t play with me just because of my weight and the names I’d get called. Remembering never wanting to ride the school bus especially in highschool. Younger me was something else though, she was passionate, she was loud, and the world knew when she was around.
Growing up you’d be surprised but I put a lot of pressure on myself to be a good person and great student. If my “friends” didn’t like me because of my weight then they were going to have to acknowledge that I was one of the smartest and hardworking students in their grade. From 4th grade up until I was a Senior in High school books were my best friends, there was always someone in the book that I could relate to or someone who had qualities I admired. You see I wasn’t really a popular kid, I was in band/marching band, my dad was a coach for Parks and Rec, and my brothers were either playing football, soccer, or basketball while me and my mom were always there cheering them on.
Now that I look back at my younger self, she was very gullible and naive. She didn’t realize when people were laughing at her and not with her, she didn’t realize that not everyone was her friend, and her head was always off to Hogwarts, Narnia, or wherever the setting of the next book she was reading was. Reading allowed her to leave a world that wasn’t very kind and enter a world of magic, adventure, and possibilities.
Aside from being quite gullible younger me was very wise beyond her years and mature; it was almost like it was always easier to have friends who were older than her. I used to always say I was born in the wrong time period because I’ve always been obsessed with ancient history. While my friends were going out Friday nights I always preferred staying in with a good book. While they were talking about their favorite movie or show I’d asked if they’d seen “I dream of Jeanie, I love Lucy, or Bewitched.” Lets not forget to mention while they were sharing songs they liked I’d ask what they thought of Frank Sinatra, Tony Martin, or Bing Crosby. I enjoyed the old fashion things of life and for them I was just weird but you know what I wouldn’t change any of those things because the one who introduced me to all of that including my love for musicals, Star Wars, Star Trek, Lord Of the Rings, and all things baking and cooking shows was my dad. We’d always watch and listen to all of those things together. My dad says that I’m just like my mom but in reality a lot of who I am is also thanks to him, he himself though he is on the younger side is a very old soul.
As I looked back on everything younger me had to go through, had to overcome, and to push through all I wish to do is hug her and tell her thank you. Thank you for being kind to those who weren’t, for being brave enough to not allow others to walk all over you, for having a voice and choosing to be seen, and respected. Younger me was brave, fierce, and had fire in her soul. She smiled more than she showed how hurt she was because she didn’t want anyone to worry about her. I wish I could tell her how loved and wanted she is now, I wish I could show her that she is respected and valued, show her that she now has the types of friends others dream of having.
As I write this I can’t help but get emotional because it’s never easy for me to open up about myself, well anything really especially about when I was younger. I didn’t have an awful childhood because my parents made sure I was taken care of and had the best possible life but like they always told us “growing up the world isn’t going to be like what we’ve built in our house, it isn’t always going to be nice or love you. It’s going to be hard and it may be unkind but that doesn’t mean we have to be.” You never truly realize as kids how damaging words and actions from others can be but I’m glad to have found a place I can leave this in and reflect on.
Younger Me, We have traveled to many places, we have had many adventures, we finally studied Ancient Egyptology! We dived in a tank with 9 Sharks! We have fallen in love with God and finally decided to serve Him fully and we haven’t looked back, we have opened up and taken risks. You are strong, beautiful, and still light up every room you enter. You have friends who love you just as much as you love them. Younger me we made it, finally others opinions or harsh words don’t matter. Thank You for everything you went through just so that I can be where I am today.
With all of that I just want to say, take a minute to see how far you have come, how amazing you are, and everything you have overcome to be the person you are today.
Until our next unpacking, have a great day my lovelies.
Love always,
Janny Mari
One Day at A Time with Janny Mari 