Hello my loves, I know I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted and honestly I was contemplating on what to write about. I hope you are doing well, we’ve been getting lots of snow and rain lately. Now enough with the small talk you already know, find a nice cozy spot and your preferred beverage and let’s talk for a bit.
I’ve been wanting to write a new post for a while but to be honest it’s been a rough few weeks. I couldn’t decide on what I wanted to write about at first, I thought maybe I should write something motivating or something to make your day better but as much as I would love to make your days brighter I started this blog because I needed somewhere to write what I was feeling and experiencing. Like I’ve mentioned before, this blog has taken on a life of it’s own and even though I may not know most of you personally it has become a safe place for me.
Slowly but surely I’m becoming more expressive with how I feel, it may not seem like much but for those that know me know that I tend not to speak about personal things especially my feelings because I’m very guarded but in starting this blog and speaking to a few close friends/ family members I’ve been opening up more.
What is a Rough Patch exactly? According to [https://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/rough+patch]
- A Rough Patch is: A period of trouble, difficulty, or hardship.
This is probably the best explanation I can give you for what I’ve been going through these last few weeks. I can’t say that I’ve been going through the worst time of my life because I haven’t but it has been a period of difficulty, hardship, and discomfort. My quote for these past few weeks has been “With Growth comes Discomfort” and boy have I been living by that. Three weeks ago I took kind of an MIA week and kept to myself. I didn’t go out and mostly stayed in my house because I get overstimulated socially and emotionally sometimes. It wasn’t until last year when I realized that the reason why I become withdrawn and need moments to myself is because sometimes my social battery just runs out so it was one of those “just need alone time” weeks. I am still working on not shutting the whole world away when I go through these moments, but I’m glad to say I was able to reflect and see where my head was at and why I was feeling down.
Have you ever felt like you’re on autopilot and you’re so busy with life that it’s one thing after another and you’re just on the move constantly and not slowing down? Well I definitely have been feeling that way. My life has gotten pretty busy with things from work, church, and my social life. If I can be honest I started to find myself lacking in a few areas, well the better word would be I felt inadequate. There’s this saying “You are your worst enemy” and in most cases it’s true, I’m my worst enemy and critic sometimes. I’ve been feeling pretty down because I like to do my absolute best in everything I do and it’s been hard accepting that I don’t have to know and be good at everything. I know that it takes time, patience, determination, and discipline in everything you do if you want to get good at it but it’s just hard because there are moments when I feel like I let others and myself down because I have such high expectations, especially on myself.
So it took some digging inside of myself and I understand that it’s okay to not know everything or be amazing at it but it didn’t help that I was feeling like I was failing. In life there is always room for improvement and it took me such a long time to not associate not knowing how to do something with failure. We are all human and I’m learning that it is okay to admit that I don’t know it all. Now I can’t assume all responsibility in coming to terms with how I’ve been feeling. I owe a big thanks to our Worship Team Leader & Music Director. Most who know me know that I’m always thinking and working on myself, am I an overthinker? Sometimes I am and I can’t help it, sometimes I can’t help but think of every outcome before putting myself in certain situations. Well I received a text from him telling me to lead worship on a Sunday, mind you I’ve led worship for a few years now but have been trying to get better with my singing which in turn made me really self conscious of my voice. Did I panic when he told me? Yes. Was I ready to move to another country? Absolutely. Did I understand why he chose me? No and yes.
I was clearly in an uncomfortable space, I was feeling down because I know I’m not the best singer out there and felt like I was going to let my team down if I let fear and doubt consume me. I’m also part of the Church Media team and Youth Leaders; I don’t say these things to make myself seem amazing or to complain, I share these things so that you can get a better picture as to who I am and what I do when I’m not blogging. I haven’t really been able to express how I was feeling because I didn’t want to admit that I was feeling that way. I felt that if I said it out loud then it would be true, that I would be a failure. He noticed that I was off during practice and kept asking me why I was shying away or closing myself up and I just said “nothing I’m fine.” As you can tell I was the opposite of fine but nonetheless we were going to move forward because I honestly just wanted to go home and talk to God, cry it out, and maybe have some ice cream.
The next day I decided that I should let him know how I was feeling and honestly his next words to me gave me so much reassurance and it was like a weight had been lifted. He sent me a picture earlier that week that said [Life in 3 acts] 1. A Challenge 2. Owning it 3. Using it to guide others. That along with the words “I believe in you” truly impacted me more than he knows. Yes he may have presented me with a challenge I wasn’t sure I was able to overcome but I had accepted it and I was going to find a way to own it and give my best. His mission is to make us all grow and with growth comes discomfort. I am currently at a point in life where I’m getting used to being uncomfortable in order to grow and as scary as it is it is also a thrilling feeling. Knowing that aside from feeling nervous, uncomfortable, unsure, I also realized I was growing in the midst of it all. This blog has shown me that it is okay to feel my feelings and that they are valid and I’m learning that the sooner I figure out why I’m feeling a certain way and I unpack it the sooner I get to feeling better and having that weight lifted.
There are things we feel or hold on to that don’t allow us to overcome these tough moments in our life and if any of you are going through these thoughts or emotions then I hope the verses attached will help you see that it’s easier to let them go than to hold on to them. I would also like to add that it is okay if you have your doubts, insecurities, or negative emotions just don’t let them consume you and learn to work through them. Whether it be with praying, seeing a Therapist, Counselor, speaking to a family member, or friend. I know I may not be the only one going through a rough patch in life and I want to share something I found on Instagram.
8 Things to let go of:
[@life.church on I.G]
- STRIVING FOR THE APPROVAL OF OTHERS
“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” (Galatians 1:10)
- FEAR
“ There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” (1 John 4:18)
- FILLING YOUR BROKENNESS WITH EMPTY THINGS
“ He refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.” (Psalms 23:3)
- HOLDING A GRUDGE
“ Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)
- COMPARISON
“A heart at peace gives life to the body,
but envy rots the bones.” (Proverbs 14:30)
- WORRYING ABOUT WHAT YOU CANNOT CONTROL
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6:34)
- ANGER
“because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” (James 1:20)
- OVER-WORKING AND NOT RESTING
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)
With all of that being said I’d like to apologize, not for taking a bit of time off but for not writing to you guys or checking in. I know many have been waiting for me to update but I wasn’t in the space to share this yet. I hope you know that you are valuable, important, seen, and understood if not by those around you than definitely by me.
Now I leave you with one of my favorite quotes from Mulan:
“The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all.” – The Emperor
Y’all, let me just say we are becoming the most beautiful and rare flowers known to man and our garden is going to be so stunning with all of you overcoming and blooming in midst of your trials and adversities. SO let’s continue to crush this thing called life, One Day At A Time!
Till our next unpacking have a great day my lovelies!
Love Always,
Janny Mari
One Day at A Time with Janny Mari 