Written by: Perla Aviles
[My Story Series]
These were the words I heard during the ending scene of a movie I went to watch with some sisters in Christ recently. For some reason these words stuck out to me the most because the character waited until the last day of his life to tell the woman he loved that he loved her the entire time but because of his pride he never decided to tell prior to this moment.
I won’t deny that the word pride in itself has a negative implication from my perspective. Personally, pride, just like with the character, has intruded in my personal relationships so many times including in my early years of marriage. Pride is often defined as a deeper value for one’s own dignity. I say that the other side of pride is to value your dignity so much that you end degrading someone’s.
I remember so many memories during the early stages of my marriage when a discussion about disagreements would turn into a game of pride and it pretty much felt like, “since I want to be right and is important for me to state my point, therefore I won’t speak to you for some time or I will speak to you in a way that makes you feel not cared for or belittled.”
While there is a deep satisfaction about honoring our own dignity, teaching others to respect us, and being perceived as “wiser” and “right,” there is a danger zone between wanting to give ourselves honor while also hurting others in the process. I could see the woman in the movie being hurt that this man never told her about his deep love for her the entire time. While this type of pride could be different from the type I mentioned, there is one common factor, you will always lose more than you gain when you’re guided by pride.
The Bible tells us that, ““But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble”” (James 4:6 NKJV).
I’m not sure about any of you reading but I have made my fair share of mistakes. I have lost time being silent and distant from people I cared about all because of my pride. I have said things I didn’t really mean because of my pride. All because I wanted to protect my dignity thinking it was being hurt or attacked. Honestly, it wasn’t always the other person. Some things I created in my head from previous experiences and trauma responses.
I love that James talks about grace in this verse, (one of my favorites), because I have made many mistakes and therefore I desire God’s free-given grace. There is no way my marriage would have survived if it wasn’t for my understanding of grace. I remember during a rough season of my relationship with my husband where, while it was painful, I was convicted by the Holy Spirit about this very concept; GRACE.
I was given a beautiful gift that I did not deserve, I could not do anything to earn it and I was not worthy of it, BUT GOD still chose to send His son to shed His blood because He saw something in me and you that sometimes we don’t even see in ourselves; worth dying for.
NEWS FLASH! God also sent His son to die for that person that you have allowed your pride to get in between. Grace was given to me so God had to teach me to give it to my partner just as freely. James continues to explain that because grace has been given to us we don’t get to have an excuse for prideful behavior. “God opposes the proud.” Just like we oppose that friend, that partner, that church member, that coworker because of our pride, so does God oppose our prideful behavior. But when we humble ourselves, show humility, demonstrate love, seek to resolve conflict positively, then grace, even though it is already given, could be received by you. This means that we don’t have to seek to validate ourselves and who we are with our pride. We can be open and honest. We can be kind. We can love freely. We can communicate without a hidden agenda. We have the ability to do so because God has done it with us.
I was thinking of telling a beautiful love story about how I met my husband or how I thought he was the one, however, too many families and relationships are often destroyed because of this same concept, PRIDE. After watching the movie I couldn’t help but think what would have happened if the character would have told the woman that he was in love with her years before. What a beautiful story it could have been. Yet, the same happens for our stories. There are so many moments that we could think about the “what if?” and imagine how the outcome would have been different if we only had shown a tiny bit of grace and humility.
Four verses down, James 4:10, says the following:
“Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.”
My brother or sister in Christ, while pride could provide you with momentary satisfaction of protecting your image, your character, your honor, your dignity, your feelings, and respect, nothing can compare with God being the one who lifts you. When we humble ourselves with others, we are really doing it in the Lord’s sight, He sees even the deepest parts of our hearts and because of this He will lift you up and honor you. Next time you encounter yourself in a situation where your pride is itching to take over and drive your heart, think about the one who sees you and the grace you have been freely given.
With love,
Perla
About the Writer: My name is Perla. I’m a wife, mom of a 3 year-old (almost 4), I’m currently pregnant, I’m a worship leader, and presently a student at Liberty University. I’m currently obtaining a master’s degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. My goal is to provide counseling to people with substance use disorders and trauma-related disorders like Post-traumatic stress disorder. My ultimate goal is to incorporate my faith into counseling and lead people to the feet of Jesus. Overall, I’m a jokester (I love making others laugh), I love reading, and I love serving others.
One Day at A Time with Janny Mari 