“Let’s go to Vermont”

Hello friends, how did you like last week’s “My Story” Series starter with my friend Perla’s “I loved my Pride” post? It definitely impacted me and made me think about a few areas I need to work on and it couldn’t have come at a better time seeing as it made me reflect on a few of my feelings as well. Y’all already know get cozy, grab your preferred drink and snack and lets get to some unpacking.

As a few of you know I recently went to Vermont towards the end of February. The plan was to go to Florida but My friend and I had to change our plans. You see, at the beginning of January I was tired, emotionally, physically and mentally. I mentioned to another friend previously about being so tired and wanting to get away and he said “well what’s stopping you, plan it and go away.” Just like that I questioned myself and realized there was nothing stopping me from just going away for a bit. So I spoke to my friend who I knew was also tired and we both decided Florida and sun was what we truly needed. Imagine my surprise when we both realized we were a little late on planning a trip to Florida so we quickly decided Vermont would be the next choice.

Before I continue I would like to share something that helped me realize I was Emotionally exhausted a few weeks back. It’s from a post on Instagram made by @holisticallygrace that stated:

“This is Emotional Exhaustion Showing up in the Body”

-Headaches, brain fog, problems concentrating, remembering things, racing mind, light sensitivity.

– Disrupted sleep patterns: difficulty falling/staying asleep, excessive sleeping.

– Chest pressure, difficulty breathing, weakened immune system function, increased illness.

-Digestive distress, change in appetite; skipping meals, using food to cope.

– Body aches, muscle tension, heightened skin sensitivity, diminished pain tolerance.

-Restlessness, inability to settle or ground self, loss of sensation, numbness.

Now if any of you are feeling this way please take a mental health day or at least take some time to rest. Rest looks different for all of us, some like to read a book, some like to hike, others like to lay in bed and binge watch tv. It’s okay to allow yourself to rest, odds are your body is screaming for it.

Now you might ask why Vermont? Honestly I can’t really tell you why, it was just always on my list of places to visit. So off we went for our mini getaway and let me just say, Vermont at this time of year is something else! Don’t get me wrong it was beyond beautiful and I can talk forever about the scenery but I truly was not prepared for the cold. As much as I did my research on where I wanted to visit, where I wanted to eat, and what I wanted to do my body mostly needed rest. My mind and heart needed clarity and the only way I was able to get some of that clarity was to get away. As I’ve said before on here I usually tend to keep on going and moving whenever I go through something or when my feelings are hurt but each day I am learning to confront those feelings, to feel those feelings no matter how ugly they may seem. I’m not perfect but each day it gets easier to deal with all of these things. Reality is I was hurt, my pride was hurt, and there were decisions that I knew I needed to make but wasn’t sure if I wanted to.

You see, I was wondering what title I should give this post and I decided on this one because I believe we all need a “Let’s go to Vermont” moment in our lives. A moment when you get away from everything you know, everyone you know, a moment where you confront all of the things that feel heavy in your mind and in your heart. As I write this I already know that I need another one of these moments soon because there is just so much more I want to reflect on. This trip was more than just something I wanted to check off my list, my body and mind needed rest and as much as I wanted to I couldn’t fully rest until I confronted how I was feeling in that moment. Have you ever had a moment in your life where you just knew you had to get away? Where you didn’t want anyone to talk to you you just wanted to rest and relax.

I’ve prided myself in being as open as I can with you guys, some of you may see me as this outgoing, super confident, and self assured in who I am, but let me tell you there are days when I don’t feel it. There are days when I am just sad, days where I wished I looked a little different, days where I wished I was different, where I wished my heart was different. It’s hard when you love hard, especially in a generation where love like that isn’t valued or cherished. Now this isn’t the moment where I want you to go “Aww poor Janny Mari” nope I don’t want any of that what I want is for you to know that no matter how beautifully life may appear through my lenses, my photos, my videos, vlogs, and posts there is still a person behind the camera. I am made of dirt, flesh, bones, and a beating heart. I may go through things in life that I question why I have to go through them. I question God why He’s allowing these things to happen and at the end of the day I know it’s because I am being molded into a better me.

Like I mentioned, sometimes we want to question God but in reality one thing will always be certain, God isn’t a God of confusion and He isn’t a God of complications. When we choose to truly listen to God He gives us all the clarity we need in any given situation. He will always remind you how precious and valuable you are even if you don’t feel that way sometimes. He gives you strength where you feel you have none. One of my favorite bible verses is found in:

John 16:33 NKJV

“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”

I want you to know that my life isn’t perfect, I am not perfect and I never want to portray myself as such. There are situations I go through that are unfair, sometimes my thoughts can get the best of me, sometimes my pride wants to speak and act out. Sometimes I close myself off from family and friends because at the time it’s easier to do that than to deal with my feelings. What I do want you guys to know is that even though life can get us down, can be ugly, what matters is how you choose to see it. In the midst of my pain I choose to see beauty, in the midst of my sadness I choose to see joy, in the midst of my darkness I choose to see light. That is why I choose to share the beauty I see with you guys because I know we have all experienced pain, we have all experienced the feeling of inadequacy, and we have all experienced darkness.

You may be asking yourself “What is she going through?” and honestly that’s something I’ll keep for myself. I know my friends who read my blogs sometimes get concerned and worry but that’s because I am not usually someone who calls or texts my friends to let them know when I’m upset. I am really okay, I’m just choosing to share because 1. It makes me feel better and 2. It’s nice to know that you’re not alone in your feelings. No I don’t need my feelings validated I just want you guys to know it’s okay to not be okay and it’s okay to be transparent about it. Sometimes all you can do is cry it out, face it, and give it to God. Also it wouldn’t hurt to say “Let’s go to Vermont.”

As cold as it was Vermont sure has it’s beauty and I couldn’t end my post without mentioning that it really is a sight to see. There were moments where I couldn’t help but cry and give God thanks for allowing me to see the mountains up close. So with that being said, I just know I need to visit it in the Summer.

Now to end this with a quote from my guy Christopher in Winnie the Pooh:

“You are Braver than you Believe, Stronger than you Seem, and Smarter than you Think.”