Hey Guys,
*EDIT* It’s Tuesday but I started to write this last Friday.
It’s finally Friday! When I tell you it has been quite the week, y’all your girl was going through it! Before I get to that I just wanna add that the writers of “Downton Abbey” are messed up! They got me in my feelings every episode to bring me happiness and crush me all in one episode like what’s up with that. For those of you who don’t keep up with my posts and are wondering “what is she going on about.” Tuesday I shared in my post about how I recently got into watching “Downton Abbey” and let’s just say the writers don’t have any mercy. Anywho it is such a beautiful day today, how’s the weather like where you’re from? Spring is finally here and hopefully ready to stay because this cold weather has to go. So grab a snack, some tea or coffee and let’s talk for a bit because today I have a lot to say.
Life’s been kind of a roller coaster lately, filled with twists and unexpected turns. I had mentioned to a friend of mine that I feel like my life is a Netflix series and the writers are figuring out “how can we make her week interesting? Should it be a happy episode, sad, funny? Should we add a plot twist and make it interesting.” I have literally found myself in situations where I say out loud “I can not be making this up? Is this really my life?” Before you start to think dang what the heck is she going through let me preface by saying that I am beyond grateful for my life. I just think God has an amazing sense of humor.
I genuinely feel that one of life’s greatest battles is with oneself. Especially as a Christian I’ve found myself saying all the time that “People think that being a Christian is easy and honestly it isn’t.” It’s hard to deny reacting to people and situations the way that you want to. I have never and never will paint myself as a perfect Christian because I’m not. I get angry, I get frustrated, days when I feel I want to be left alone and unbothered. I’m not always all smiles and when I feel hurt or upset I become very silent. You see, my prayer is always “God, if whatever I say is going to hurt them or if it’s a reaction to how I feel, let me bite my tongue.” That is where it gets hard to be a follower of Christ because it is in our nature to argue and to make people feel as badly as we feel. If we are betrayed we want them to feel betrayed, if they make us jealous we want to make them jealous, if they talk badly about us at work we want to be able to talk badly about them but there is a BUT in all of this; BUT God. If it weren’t for His love and mercy I’m telling you I don’t know where I’d be.
The Ego is a very funny thing, it tends to get bruised easily and we feel the need to justify any wrong doing that’s come against us. Let’s face it, some people have enough Ego to power the world and I’m not going to pretend I’m on some pedestal because we all have some Ego in all of us. Some let their egos consume them and others as we should try every single day not to feed into it. That is why I say one of the biggest battles is with oneself because once we feel betrayed or hurt whether it be by relatives, friends, or coworkers then our flesh wants to come out and act crazy. I have had the pleasure of going through quite a few moments of betrayal and hurt and I’m not going to lie. I wanted to react, I wanted to argue, I wanted people to know that I knew what was being said and how they were talking about me but God! This week was one of those weeks when you go to your room, lights off, and just ugly cry in the presence of the Lord.
I hope those of you who follow Christ have a good enough relationship with Him to know that He truly meant what He said when He said, “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28 The minute after I cried and told God everything I was feeling I instantly fell asleep and woke up the next day at 4:11 am. I remember getting ready to shower and I told God “God I don’t need or want to make anyone feel horribly for what they’ve done and said. Not once have you called me out and said awful things instead you have given me the gift of peace and have allowed peace to grow in me in the midst of this situation.” That whole day I was just grateful for God’s peace, understanding, and love. If that isn’t growth then I don’t know what is.
You see I can’t preach what I don’t live and I can’t be sincere if I’m not being honest about the ugly sides of life. Like a good friend says all the time “Sometimes I just wish we can ‘Minka maka mooka’ people” which in his words is sometimes we wish we can knock people out and let the flesh take over but because we serve a powerful God we choose to please Him rather than ourselves. That is the importance of having a prayer life and a good relationship with God because if we didn’t it’d be so much easier to act on our anger and frustration. Proverbs 14:29 says “He who is slow to wrath has great understanding, But he who is impulsive exalts folly”
We as Christians or even decent human beings can not be so quick with our words or actions. I have been praying daily that I respond in a way that is out of understanding and not out of a reaction. I pray that I always understand that not everyone is mature enough and some people really just choose violence every day and are just bitter inside. So we can either choose to react, choose to respond in a better way, but remember not everything needs a response or reaction instead pray about it all. I’m not only saying this to people who believe in God but to everyone just breathe, step away from the person or situation. Take time for yourself and decide what is best for you. As much as our ego wants to be like “mess them up, let them know you know, or hurt them back.” Please choose peace and be thankful that you’re seeing these sides to people because it’s better to know who isn’t for you now than to find out later on. Set your boundaries, I can’t stress how important this is. Not everyone is your best friend and that’s okay there is a quote I saw on instagram that said “ You are the CEO of your life; Hire, Fire, and Promote accordingly.”
Life is ever changing and so are the people around you, it took me a while to learn that it is okay to outgrow people. Some people are meant as a lesson, some are meant to be with you for a season, and some are meant for a lifetime. Learn what you have to from them, allow yourself to grow with or without them, and take your time in finding your forever people. I haven’t found all of mine and neither will you but the ones that I have now that I know will continue in my life are amazing people. People who take one look at me and instantly know something is wrong. People who can make my day with a text or call. People who have a lot of the same values and characteristics as me. What can I say “Birds of a feather flock together.” It is because of God, my family, and my tribe that it’s easy to overlook when others wrong me, it is their constant support, and understanding that help me through some pretty tough times.
I wish I could tell you guys it all gets easier but it doesn’t. These things still hurt and cut you like a fresh wound but God will make all things new in their time. Trust in Him and know that vengeance is His and He will not leave or forsake you. He is a just God and He will make things right. Do not allow your feelings to get the best of you. As I talked to God to let Him know how I was feeling He reminded me about my prayer of wanting to love like Him and He spoke to my heart and said “You want to love like me but you must also receive the hurt that I receive and forgive the way that I forgive.”
Everything has its reason, its season, and its time and if God is allowing it then it’s for us to grow and learn from it.
I leave you with this quote that has impacted me because my friends are always asking me how my heart hasn’t changed after all of these years.
Until our next unpacking, have a great day my lovelies!
Love Always,
Janny Mari
One Day at A Time with Janny Mari 
♡♡
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