*EDIT* I started this post last week but time got the best of me and wasn’t able to finish
Hello My friends,
I know It’s been a while since I posted. How is everyone doing? My last few weeks have been really packed. I feel like I say this all of the time but sometimes I’m even surprised at how busy my weeks get. It can not go without mention that my beautiful Unnie (Korean for Older sister) Leeyun got married April 31st. It was the most perfect day for the most perfect bride. I had the honor and privilege of being her Maid of Honor and a witness of her marrying her best friend and true love Aaron who I now welcome as my brother. I’m not sure if I mentioned it but the week prior to that we celebrated her Bridal Shower with a Tea Party fit for the queen she is. Lee, if you’re reading this I absolutely love you and I am beyond blessed to call you Unnie. Now I don’t know how today’s post will go but isn’t that the beauty of writing, it takes over and becomes its own thing. Get comfy, take a deep breath and let’s chat for a bit.
Last Thursday I went to a Christian concert with my mom, bro, & his girlfriend. The worship group is called “Elevation Worship” and before you ask yes I did cry, I couldn’t help it! I was a little weary because even though I had heard Steven Furtick preach before I knew others held reservations towards him and my only prayer that night was God I will take the good and if there’s any bad I’ll just leave it. Now because of others voicing their opinions and me not making up my own I had shared that concern with my mom. Why am I bringing this up? Because most of my life I feel like my opinions and thoughts were swayed by certain people I respected and even though I enjoyed some of his preachings I stopped listening because of others comments and such. At the end of the day the choice of making up your mind or opinions on people & situations should always be up to you. I have learned that everyone has a different perspective and no one should be robbed of how they feel because others want to put their views & perspectives on you. Now, by no means am I endorsing anyone or saying follow this person or that. What I am saying is build a sold foundation in your relationship with God that you can discern and see what is true and what is false. At the end of the day the only thing I do know is that God’s word is truth and life. Not because someone is preaching it but because I believe in God. If something doesn’t add up or sit well in my spirit He will reveal it to me.
Back to my story; It was such a beautiful night from beginning to end, the worship filled the arena and I was in awe of seeing so many people worship all at once singing as loudly as they can “Jireh, You are ENOUGH.” Now I’ve heard this song many times before but that night it echoed even louder in my heart. Especially this part of the song:
“Jireh, You are enough
Jireh, You are enough
I will be content in every circumstance
Jireh, You are enough,
If He dresses the lilies with beauty and splendor
How much more will He clothe you?
If He watched over every sparrow
How much more does He love you?”
I know this was God reminding me “If I concern myself with the littlest things imagine how much more thought I put into your life.” If the lilies and sparrows don’t worry, why should I? He has everything under His control and I think that we tend to forget that because doubt, worry, and frustration overshadow what He is doing but if we let go of all of those emotions and trust then it’ll be easier to see that He is working for our good.
When he started to preach I was like okay God just tell the world that this is for me but I promise you everyone in that arena probably felt the same way so I won’t be as selfish. If I’m not mistaken the title of his message was “You’re not what you thought.” I’ve preached about the woman who bled in the bible many times, I’ve also heard others preach on it but the way he brought it that night had me in tears. He reminded me of a few things I seem to have forgotten in midst of my trials and battles one of the many points he mentioned that impacted me was:
“My feelings have to submit to My faith”
Boy, when I tell you I felt like God was speaking directly to my heart because I have been submitting my feelings to Him and my faith. Like I mentioned before this is one of the hardest battles I face because again to deny yourself and carry your cross is hard! It’s hard choosing the higher ground, to choose your faith over your emotions. I have had to tell my emotions daily to submit to my faith because honoring God is more important to me than instant gratification of lashing out or reacting. When Pastor Steven mentioned that it was like God telling me “Janny Mari, you’re doing the right thing, even if it’s hard.” It felt good to know that.
Another point he made was:
“… because she thought, she touched, because she touched she was healed”
Now many of you who read my blog probably aren’t christian and that is perfectly fine. I just don’t want you to be confused as to what I’m mentioning so I will share the biblical portion that Pastor Steven preached on. It is found in Mark 5:25-34 (NIV)
“And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years. She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse. When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, because she thought, “If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.” Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering.
At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, “Who touched my clothes?” “You see the people crowding against you,” his disciples answered, “and yet you can ask, ‘Who touched me?’ “ But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.”
Because she thought if she could just touch his garment she’d be healed. He went on to talk about the power of our thoughts and how with just a thought we can activate our faith, with just a thought we can change our circumstances. Our minds have such great power, we can either hype ourselves up and stress out about what we’re going through or choose to think positively and convince ourselves to fight for our blessings. With just one thought this woman who was tired of bleeding her life away changed her story. Now I’m not telling you just thinking of something and wanting to do something is enough because it’s not. You have to decide, you have to act, come what may, no matter what the crowds are shouting at you no matter what is blocking your way. How badly do you want your miracle? How badly do you want your healing? How badly do you want the narrative of your story to change? You do know that you and you alone have the power to change it right?
At this point this woman stripped herself of her ego, of her pride, of her shame, of all of the opinions of the people around her and pushed her way through. To you my friend who is reading this, take it from me that I am learning to strip myself of my pride, ego, doubts, and worries. It isn’t easy but when you become desperate enough to push through the crowd, when you know your healing is within reach it doesn’t matter that people are seeing me cry my heart out in service, it doesn’t matter that they may think I’m crazy for shouting out praise, for declaring victory as I feel defeated because to me my biggest draw back isn’t the crowd it is myself. If I allow myself to feel defeated then the enemy wins, if I allow comments and opinions to tear me down then the enemy is succeeding, If I allow myself to wallow in self pity then what am I telling God? That He isn’t greater than my problems, that my fears and giants are greater than Him and I for one will not allow that because I know who stands before me and who stands behind me. I know that no matter how much pain I am in, if I can manage to change my thoughts and push myself to believe, then I have already won.
Another point made was that;
“This woman wasn’t even stepping towards a promise, she was stepping towards a possibility, Now imagine all that God has promised us that we can step towards.”
When I heard him say that I was like God this is so true, she wasn’t even told “Hey, if you touch the hem of my garment you would be healed.” She didn’t have that certainty but what she did have was faith and that is all God is asking from us is to have faith in Him. Isaiah 41:10 says:
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
How beautiful is it that one of His promises is that He is with us and that we shouldn’t fear or worry because He will give us strength and help us. This woman didn’t have these promises but she did have faith and possibility. Even if something seems impossible this has taught me that no matter what God is always within reach if we want Him badly enough. Some people are just so used to their chains, their addictions, their sufferings that they just accept what comes their way. I don’t want you to just accept what comes your way, I don’t want you to accept defeat. I want you to at least try, to sum up the courage to change your circumstances. Life can be cruel, it may be filled with its droughts and you’re wondering when will it finally rain blessings in my life, when will this season of dryness end. Well let me ask you one thing. What are you doing to prepare for the rain? Are you preparing your life for the blessings you want or are you just waiting for them to fall into your lap? This woman didn’t wait, her desperation didn’t allow her to wait but what she did do is create her own rain, in fact she fought for it. What I am trying to say with this is do not accept defeat so easily put up a good fight and trust in God.
Something mentioned that really struck a chord with me is that:
“When God doesn’t do something in your life that you thought He would or wanted it’s because He wants to do something bigger than you can even ask for”
That word came to my life when I truly needed it because I have found myself wondering why certain things had to happen the way that they did. Why didn’t the outcome I expected to happen happen? All these feelings and questions and with that simple statement God reminded me that it didn’t happen because it wasn’t His will, it wasn’t His timing, and because He has something bigger and better than I could ever dream of. Who am I to question God that knows all things and plans everything for my good. It was like a much needed balm put on a wound in my heart. Sometimes life doesn’t go as planned, sometimes that person isn’t the one, that job isn’t meant for you. Not because you don’t deserve those things but because what God has for you is so much greater. I am learning to be content in my disappointments because I don’t know what God has planned for me but what I do know is that it will be far much better than what I could ever want or dream for myself.
There is so much more I can add but then this would become a book instead of a blog post. I just really enjoyed how God ministered to us all that night. Like I said we take the good and if there’s any bad leave it.
I leave you with two quotes that really have impacted me;
“Life doesn’t always turn out how you plan it sometimes, sometimes it turns out better.” – Unknown
“When your life doesn’t go as planned, change your perspective but never stop dreaming.” -Kate Maurice
Until our next unpacking, have a great day lovelies!
Love Always,
Janny Mari
One Day at A Time with Janny Mari 