“Don’t Take it Personally”

Hey guys, did I mention in my last post how much I’ve missed you all? How much I’ve missed just writing to y’all? It’s weird because the last two weeks I tried to make time to write but they have been filled with so many things that I think I’ve only had time to eat and sleep. I’d love to hear from you guys, where are you from? How is your day going? Like I mentioned before, you guys can follow me on Instagram @jannymari or even comment below.  Summer is just around the corner and I have a few exciting things planned with family and friends.  Y’all already know, get comfy, tell anyone who’s around you to leave you alone for a lil, and let’s chat for a bit.

I don’t really know where I am going with this topic but I’m sure it’ll come out nicely (hopefully).  “Don’t take it personally,” this coming from someone who does in fact take certain things personally.  I didn’t think I was that type of person because usually most things don’t bother me but as I was talking to a friend of mine she mentioned these four words.  She said “Janny sometimes things happen, people come into our lives for a season. For us to grow, to learn how to let go, to enjoy their company, take things for what they are and live in the moment.”  It didn’t occur to me to just enjoy a moment or person for what it is and who they are. You see she brought it to my attention that when people have good hearts and intentions they only know how to love wholeheartedly.  I had to learn the hard way to be who I am completely but also practice not getting attached.  I know it’s easier said than done but to save us from heartaches and headaches it needs to be done.

I found myself taking many things personally.  Like how dare this person talk about me or treat me so badly when all I’ve done is treat them with care and respect, because if there’s one thing people are going to have is THE AUDACITY. I’ve been learning that the way a person treats you says a lot more about them then you and you know what at the end of the day no one needs to like you. Sounds pretty harsh right? But it’s the truth no one owes you anything, they don’t owe you their love, loyalty, or time.  Coming to terms with that was tough because I didn’t know how to love a person and not become attached to them. I didn’t think I was that type who gets attached but when my friend put it in the sense that we become attached when we care and want to help people to our best abilities and invest our time and feelings.  That was when I realized I get very much attached and took things personally.

This can and does include when we’re talking to someone we may be interested in,  sometimes we think that just because we’re being honest with them that they’ll be honest with us but that isn’t always the case is it? Listen Honey, one thing I have learned is that you are single until you both commit yourselves 100% to only being with each other or that ring is on your finger.  I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, I think I was born in the wrong time period, I love an old fashioned kind of love.  I still very much believe in getting to know each other and becoming friends first because my mother always taught me that marriage is work; some days you won’t like each other, but as long as you have a firm foundation and beautiful friendship then you guys can get through anything. I want that and I’m sure all of you do, I refuse to lower my standards and if something doesn’t work it’s because it wasn’t part of God’s will for my life.  Does it hurt? 10000%. We want to love and be loved and how can we not take it personally when someone doesn’t reciprocate our feelings. We all have different tastes, it’s like me getting mad at someone who doesn’t like ice cream when I don’t like avocado. Same goes for dating if I’m “Ice Cream ” and they’re an “avocado” we’re just not going to like each other and that’s okay because we are allowed to have our own preferences. I’ve met quite a few “avocados” who I thought were my type but in the  end I’ve had to tell them how they’re not the one for me. Now how do I look getting mad at them for wanting avocado and not ice cream, like a whole hypocrite.  Like it’s okay for me not to prefer them but then I feel some type that they don’t want me? That’s why things can not be taken personally.

That includes; at work, home, church, relationships.  As I’m writing this I’m like “Janny Mari, you know for a fact that you are still going to feel some type of way.” You know, I probably will because I’m not perfect but when you take things personally your feelings get hurt. You stay up at night losing sleep going over so many scenarios in your mind. You worry, you doubt, and waste so much energy when you should’ve been letting it go and giving it to God.

Ways that have helped me not take anything personally is putting myself in their shoes; not making excuses for them but trying to understand why they come at me a certain way.  Maybe they’re having a rough day, maybe I’m not who or what they’re mad at but they need to release anger.  It’s not a good feeling when someone takes their emotions out on you but one of us needs to be level headed and guided by God in that moment.  Proverbs 29:11 NIV says “Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.”  I don’t know about you but I don’t want to be considered a hot headed fool and there were many times I’ve had to humble myself because it was better to be calm then to add fire to someone who was already having a rough time. 

Another way to not take it personally is to put up boundaries, let’s be real some people see the boundary and completely overstep it.  These are people who will literally drain the life out of you because they have yet learned to overcome their own problems and traumas. Don’t take it the wrong way, I’m not saying you need to be healed and have it all figured out but there are people who have been hurt so badly that they don’t care who they hurt. They don’t care if they cause misery because that’s all they feel.  I was one that would see someone struggling and would help them as much as I could, I would get attached and they would try to drag me down with their hate and anger. These would be the same people to drag my name through the mud and I would get heartbroken because I would never do that to another person, but you mustn’t take it personally when they refuse the help you offer. At the end of the day you have to put yourself first and take care of your peace.

So from now on we are not taking things personally. Your coworker doesn’t like you and is making your life miserable oh well that’s a reflection of themselves not you. I got upset at work one day because someone did something that I felt would make me look bad and another coworker told me “we know who you are and how hard you work and we also know that person and how they can be so you have nothing to worry about.” That gave me all the peace I needed because I was so upset but she was right and I thank God that my character speaks louder than any action or words someone can say against me. That my work speaks for itself. The person you’re talking to/ are with  ends up not wanting you? It’s a major loss for them, they just made a way for you to meet someone better. Your friend is talking badly about you? Definitely a reflection and lack of confidence and love in themselves. 

So my darlings I leave you with this quote; 

“When you make it a strong habit to not take anything personally, you avoid many upsets in your life.  Your anger, jealousy and envy will disappear, and even your sadness will disappear if you don’t take things personally.” – Miguel Angel Ruiz

Until our next unpacking, have a great day lovelies!

Love Always,

Janny Mari