*Edit* I started this post a few weeks ago but time got ahead of me so the beginning of the post would be set two weeks ago and than I’ll mark where I continued it.
Hello Everyone,
Goodness, I posted a lot last week huh? These have been a few posts that I have been sitting on because the last few weeks have been so hectic that I didn’t really have the time to really sit and say everything I’ve been wanting to. How are you feeling? I ask this only because I don’t want a generic answer that I would get from “Are you okay” because I know that I’m the first to say “oh I’m doing well thanks for asking.” I think we can be more honest with each other when asked How are you feeling because it will actually make you think about how you’re feeling. I know that a friend of mine asked me this question and it made me stop and think; it made it hard for me to give a generic answer because I truly wasn’t okay. So Reader and Friend, even if you don’t want to answer my question I hope you have someone who you trust to be honest with. It’s not healthy for us to carry so much and it isn’t selfish to release some of the burdens you feel on someone else (Jesus Himself received some help carrying His cross). You may be surprised but if someone truly loves you your feelings will never be a burden, if anything they will be willing to give you a shoulder to lean on. So get comfortable, grab a snack and let’s talk for a bit.
Boy, I didn’t realize I’d be starting this heavy from the beginning but I guess that’s what happens when you begin to write. You never know how it’s starting, where it’s going, or how it’s going to end. Isn’t that exciting? So on this beautiful rainy day, get comfortable and let’s chat for a bit.
A few weeks ago I had my Pastora (spanish word for Pastress) pray for me. In all honesty I just really missed having my Pastor pray for me. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love and adore my Pastora but like everyone else every bond is different and the bond I had with my Pastor was different. A few Sundays ago I just really felt the need to have her pray over me and I couldn’t have been more grateful because God really spoke through her. You see I can be very stubborn when it comes to showing how I truly feel because it used to be so hard to be vulnerable. I have learned especially through this blog that allowing yourself to be vulnerable can be beautiful.
So as she starts to pray for me her first words were: “Janny stop acting so strong, stop putting up this (for lack of a better word ‘front’)” “It’s okay to be heartbroken, its okay that you’re hurt and disappointed that people have hurt and betrayed you but we have to be the better person. We can not stoop to their level because that is what they want. We fight hurt with love, anger with forgiveness because God is always with us and He will elevate us and bless us when we choose to honor Him.” It was almost like God gave her a microscope to look into my heart because He was ministering those exact words to me a week or two prior to that day.
It has been quite the month, filled with lots of emotions. Today’s topic is quite personal to me because I feel that this isn’t talked about a lot and that would be the Human side of being a Christian. You might be saying “what the heck is she going on about?” and I want to get down to the nitty gritty of what it’s like to be a Christian.
There seems to be this misconception that Christians are ‘holier than thou,’ if I may be frank we are nowhere near it. I get why people would think that because there are quite a few Christians who act as if they’re above everyone else and that they’re never wrong. I do not represent that kind of Christian. I have always been honest with you guys and I will continue to be. There are days when I get so frustrated, people do upset and annoy me, but God is so quick with me that I barely have time to really simmer in that frustration.
As a christian I am aware that having that title alone means that I am declaring that I’m different and set apart from the world. That I am trying everyday to be a better person and follower of Christ. I think people tend to forget that we are human, though we strive to be different in the way we act, respond, love, and forgive. You may be wondering where the title for today’s post came from and it was from a tiktoker who made a video and happened to use that phrase. It really resonated with me because I feel like people expect a lot from me. They expect me to always take the higher ground, to behave accordingly, to always be the better person.
I feel like people have failed to realize that we are flesh and bone, and that I am human. I work constantly everyday, every hour, every minute to be better but lets face it. Jesus flipped tables! If we go to the word Matthew 21:12-13
“Jesus entered the temple courts and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. “It is written,” he said to them, “‘My house will be called a house of prayer,’ but you are making it ‘a den of robbers.’”
Jesus was mad because these people were selling and buying in the House of the Lord. A place that is supposed to be Holy, respected, and a place to worship not to be used as a marketplace. I use this as an example that we are human and we have feelings, granted as much as I would like to flip tables all the time I do hold myself from doing so.
EDIT: Continuing from where I left off a few weeks ago. So much has happened and I feel a lot better.
Like I’ve said before I am no better than anyone, if anything there are times when I feel like everyone else is so much better and more capable than me. I spoke with a friend of mine awhile back and I told him that with this blog I never expected to reach so many different people and countries and that it’s such a beautiful feeling. I also mentioned that I feel so small and that I’m trying my best to learn how to make this blog better but that I feel like a fish out of water and his words were “Welcome to my world, but that’s exactly why God lets YOU do the things you do. It’s exactly because of that posture God puts you in a position to do things. Don’t ever forget that!”
His words really impacted me and I’m very grateful for his friendship and wisom because being human also means there will be times we feel like failures. Like what we’re doing isn’t making a difference. There are days when I doubt, days when I feel like who in the world would want to read my words and then I receive beautiful comments from you guys, my family, and friends that keep me going. Being a Christian does not mean we have it all figured out, it means we trust in God and allow Him to have His will be done in our lives. Being a Christian is denying myself of things I may want but aren’t good for me, it means that I choose to be better despite my circumstances. It does not however mean that we will allow people to walk all over us, yes the bible does say that we have to turn the other cheek but that doesn’t mean you should allow someone to beat you to a pulp.
For those who have followed my blog from the beginning know how much I stress the importance of boundaries. There are people in this world who hear that you are Christian and automatically think they can do whatever they want with you and that you’ll take it as is. Well I’m here to tell you that No is a word and you can use it! Here Practice with me… No noo NOOOOO N.O NOOOOOOO. Good now that we’ve practiced saying no, do not be afraid of saying that you can not help, that you are busy, and that you just have too many things going on at the moment. It’s okay to not be available and accessible all of the time. You need to make sure you are taking days to rest and fill yourselves up emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
Jesus Himself took breaks from preaching and healing, and if He needs breaks to pray and be away from the crowd then so do you. Please take time to recharge your body, to live your best life, to do things that make you happy. Friends I don’t want you to misinterpret my words, as Christians we need to show love, compassion, and forgiveness towards others. We need to take the higher road as much as we can but I do not want you feeling horrible for being human. I don’t want you to feel bad for making a mistake, for maybe arguing back when you should’ve stayed silent, for getting mad and frustrated. These are our feelings and I will not judge you by how you react or feel. I can only tell you what I’ve been through and what works for me.
Lastly, be kind to yourself and forgive yourself more for failing and making mistakes because there is in fact; A Human behind the holiness.
I leave you with this quote;
“What we don’t need in the midst of struggle is shame for being Human.” – Brene Brown
Until our next unpacking, have a great day lovelies!
Love Always,
Janny Mari
One Day at A Time with Janny Mari 