Hello My beautiful friends, I’m truly sorry for making you guys wait so long for my next blog. My intent was to take at least a week or two off to enjoy some of my vacation and start writing right away, but as we can see it’s been more than a few weeks. I’ve tried so many times to write and I would sit in front of my laptop and start to write at least 4 different blogs but I couldn’t get past the first few paragraphs. It felt very much as though I had writer’s block but now I can understand that it was like my thoughts and feelings were all scattered. I’d start to write about one topic then try to write another but they didn’t feel right at the time, I may just finish them and share later. How have you guys been? I know I can’t really backtrack this past month and let you know everything I’ve done but that’s okay. Life gets pretty busy sometimes and I’ll try my best to keep y’all posted. I do hope you’ve all been well? Y’all already know, get comfy and let’s chat for a while.
Life has been quite the rollercoaster ride lately. The funny thing about roller coasters is that even though you can see some of the twists and turns before you get on it never prepares you for when you are actually on the ride. I’ve been kind of troubled lately, and the first thing I have to say is that I am grateful for my people. This past month they have asked me for friend dates on days I didn’t even know I needed them. The conversations I’ve had with them, the facetimes, the hugs, and everything in between have been everything I’ve needed and more. It wasn’t until two weeks ago that I realized that I felt so scattered, that I felt that Life was living me instead of me living life. My friends & fam are also very good at yelling at me for being too good of a friend and person. You see my body was running on empty, screaming at me really until it decided enough was enough and I ended up with a fever two Fridays ago. It reached 102.8 and kept rising to the point where I had to lay in a room with a.c blasting with no blankets until it lowered. I didn’t really tell many because I didn’t want to get yelled at but my body had enough. I slept most of the night and was able to rest Sunday afternoon as I prayed and asked God to give me some clarity.
Of course I felt scattered, I was on the go and wasn’t spending enough time with God, I wasn’t giving Him all of my burdens and stress, and I definitely wasn’t being still. So all last week I decided to spend less time mindlessly scrolling through social media and devouting more time to Him. Instantly I felt better, just having that open communication again and letting Him know that I couldn’t handle everything and that I needed His help made a world of a difference.
It’s funny because I ran into a coworker of mine and when I tell you it was God who put her there in the store that day because the Lord was just confirming everything I was telling a friend earlier that same day. She even used the same words I used and that’s when I knew everything I was feeling and needed to do aligned with what God wanted me to do and that was to “Reset”
RESET: to set again or anew
I had to reset and refocus my mind, my emotions, and my priorities. It finally dawned on me that that was the reason why I would start one blog and not be able to finish it because I myself felt like I was everywhere. I have been praying to refocus my mind because I know if my mind is all over the place then so are my feelings. The good and bad parts of this is that I don’t display my feelings so much so no one really worries but the bad thing is that I seem so strong that no one really worries. There are definitely times where I do not want to talk about what I’m going through or what I’m feeling but I want to receive comfort just the same.
For those who truly know me know It’s so hard for me to be vulnerable and to admit when I feel overwhelmed, so this past Friday I saw a friend of mine and they gave me a hug and started to pull away . At this point I was overwhelmed by the Lord’s presence I felt earlier during service (which was beautiful by the way) and felt vulnerable; I looked up at them and then looked down and said “I need a big hug.” I knew this person wasn’t going to make me feel bad and I just needed a moment where I didn’t have to be; Janny the Leader, Janny the Caretaker, Janny the Giver. I just wanted to be held and not have to worry about looking weak and thankfully he just hugged me tightly and they said everything will be alright.
Funny how our biggest complaint can be that “we’re not superheroes and we need help” but we also don’t want to appear weak either. We want people to notice we need help but we don’t want them to notice when we’re weak. At the moment I couldn’t explain that I was weak, that I was tired, that I couldn’t hold myself up but to have someone who can hold you up even when you can’t find those words and ask no questions is a blessing. I don’t know why I am the way that I am. Maybe it’s just a response of being the first born, of feeling that if I’m not strong enough then who will be. I’m trying to become better at letting God know when I need help, when I’m weak, instead of waiting for exhaustion to hit me. It’s definitely not my strongest suit but something I strive to get better with each passing day..
I know that I’m not the only one that can relate to this. Sometimes it’s okay to not have it all together, sometimes it’s okay to call a family member a friend who you trust to let them know that you feel like your life’s falling apart and you don’t know how to fix it. Rome was not built in a day and neither will your life be. Sometimes all you can do is lean on God and build brick by brick. I didn’t like feeling so scattered or unfocused but just realizing how I felt and who I can talk to helped me. Sometimes we also need to just listen when our bodies say enough is enough. Take those mental days, take those naps, and rest not only your body but also your mind.
You do not need to have it all together but you do need some sort of plan; mines at the moment is to reset & refocus. To work on the things I can change and to pray on the things I can not change. Everything will be okay friend and if you feel like you don’t have anyone who’s there for you then let me be here for you. Just breathe, you will be okay, life will get better, and you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. The dishes can wait, reschedule your activities for the day and rest. Read a good book, drink your favorite tea or coffee, binge a netflix show, make your prayer life & relationship with God right again. Dear wonderful, amazing, and brilliant friend, remember this, just take it One Day at a Time.
I leave you with these quotes;
“Re-Set, Re-Focus, Re-Adjust, Re-Start, as many times as you need to. Just never give up.” – Unknown
“It’s not only moving that creates new starting points. Sometimes all it takes is a subtle shift in perspective, an opening of the mind, an intentional pause and reset, or a new route to start to see new options and new possibilities.” – Kristin Armsrong
Until our next unpacking, have a great day my lovelies!
Love Always,
Janny Mari
One Day at A Time with Janny Mari 