Taking A Step Back:

Hello My beautiful friends, 

I know I feel like I say this every time I write to y’all but it’s been quite a few months for me, filled with growth, realizations, moving from comfort zones, and reaching milestones. I’m going to be completely honest as much as I’ve missed writing to y’all. I’ve just been going through so many emotions and not knowing how I want to communicate it all. I hope you are doing well. I know this is a time that many enjoy like myself but others have a hard time enjoying the holidays whether it be seasonal depression or any other circumstance.  So I do hope you guys are taking care of yourselves and before I forget, Happy New Year everyone!  Now that I have you here, get comfortable, grab a snack, maybe some hot cocoa, and let’s chat for a bit.

There are so many topics I want to talk to you about, so many things I want to share with you but before I can delve into them let’s talk about Taking a step back.  The last 6 months of the year were definitely something else.  I can honestly say that they were filled with character growth and development.  The last 3 months were filled with; contentment, joy,  answered prayers and petitions. The last one ( December) was filled with lots of twists and turns, moments of exhaustion, overstimulation, and a rollercoaster of emotions.  I can’t say it was bad but it was a lot to handle and sometimes when I’m overstimulated I find it easier to just withdraw myself from the crowd and from what I’m feeling. Why am I sharing all of this? Because I want you all to know that not every single month will be or needs to be your best month.  It is okay to have happiness and experience trials, It’s okay to feel joy from answered prayers and also experience the chaos life can present. 

To me emotions are not linear and by that I mean that emotions aren’t some straight line that one can see the beginning and end to. It’s so much more complex than that, and that is something that I’m still trying to figure out. There’s this constant battle between my heart, mind, and emotions. My mind automatically would rather not feel whatever emotion needs to be felt at the time it comes to surface, and my heart wants to feel them but is still having a hard time distinguishing my emotions and if I’m ready to deal with them. I don’t know if I’m making sense but that’s why sometimes I find it hard to write a blog because as honest as I want to be I still have trouble feeling my feelings. That’s where my overstimulation comes into place, sometimes I don’t realize I’m overstimulated but thank God for mothers who have a way of recognizing these signs even if we don’t. Sometimes my mom will look at me or will hear a tone and ask me if I need coffee. It’s her way of saying “hey I know you’re going through something, you probably don’t want to talk about it but maybe after some sips of your favorite coffee you will want to open up.” Sometimes I’m not ready to confront what I’m feeling and other times I say what I feel and start crying and instantly feel better. 

You might ask yourself what is Overstimulation and I found an article that seems to sum it up and enlightened a few things for me. I’ll share a few pieces of the article that liked and I’ll drop the link for it here: https://www.therapywitholivia.com/blog/overstimulation-therapists-5-tips

Overstimulation: What is it? A therapist’s 5 tips of healing from overstimulation

“Highly sensitive people tend to know a lot about overstimulation. We need some time alone, in our own private spaces in order to recharge, process, and collect ourselves after a stressful period, or after overstimulation.

Overstimulation, or sensory overload, is when your senses are just completely overloaded with information, making it difficult (or sometimes near impossible) to fully process the information you are receiving. This type of overstimulation is often seen in what we often call highly sensitive people (or HSP for short).

Overstimulation can come in many forms and can range between mild to severe, depending on the person, the length of “exposure”, or even the type of exposure. This means that there really isn’t a one size fits all when it comes to overstimulation. But, don’t worry, there are some signs of it that you can look out for in yourself and in others.

• An inability to ignore loud sounds, strong smells, or other sensory information. For example, when there’s a siren outside, you may jump or clasp your hands over your ears.
• A loss of focus
• Feeling overwhelmed, agitated, irritable
• Feelings of anxiety (restlessness, uncontrollable worry, negative thoughts on a cycle)
• A general sense of discomfort
• Extreme sensitivity to certain types of textures or  clothing
• Difficulties with sleeping
• Even digestive distress, eye strain, heart palpitations, and lightheadedness

For some, overstimulation happens gradually, even without realising it’s happening. And for others, well, it can happen all at once all of a sudden.

I want to give you an example of overstimulation, in order to illustrate how gradual it can be and how “normal” we all think it is.

How can you overcome this experience?

This raises the question, how do we cope with overstimulation in a digital time? And once we’re overstimulated, how can we come back from it? Here are some tips I have for you, as a person who finds herself often overstimulated.

• Try to limit your screen time. Emphasis on the word try. I know it’s not easy to do this when everything is online, and that cell phone is always so tempting to scroll on, but you have to remember that it is contributing to your overstimulation. A good way to start limiting this is by setting time limits, either on your phone for real or not. When you wake up, try to not immediately reach for your phone, or try to limit screen use for 30 minutes before bed.
• Find your safe space. And be sure that it’s quiet. Maybe that was a cafe or a library that you can no longer go to, but try to find a replacement at home, or outside. Whether that’s a separate room in your house or a favourite bench in the park, find somewhere that you can go to when it all feels too loud or overwhelming.
• Listen to your own favourite playlist, podcast, or audiobook. Yes, sounds can cause overstimulation, but listening to something personal and familiar can actually help with soothe.
• Set boundaries with others and ask for some quiet space alone. If you live with other people, this is a big one. This can be really challenging when you want to be there, support, and help the people that you’re around, but you can’t help anyone else if you’re not okay. This means, let those around you know that you’re not available to talk at the moment, tell your housemate that you need to stay in your room for the evening. It may not feel good in the moment, but trust me when I say it will end up a lot better than putting yourself in danger of overstimulation (remember, irritability? Yeah, not good for relationships)
• Mindfulness. I know I mention this all the time, so I suggest reading my post about mindfulness here.

I don’t believe it’s that far-fetched to say that we’ve all experienced overstimulation before, but some of us may be at a higher risk of feeling it more often. There is absolutely nothing wrong with becoming overstimulated, in fact, it’s almost to be expected in our modern world; what’s important is knowing the signs and symptoms of overstimulation and how to overcome it.

Overstimulation can sometimes creep up on you, so remember to check in on yourself often — notice how your mind feels, your body feels, what your mood is like. These little check-ins can often help you pinpoint if you’re overstimulated or give you warning signs that something has to change.”

I’m very well known to keep a lot of what I feel or am going through to myself so it was hard to express and put into words what I was feeling let alone understand why I was feeling it. So it is important to find those who know you well enough to know when you need space and know when to push you a little. I can not stress enough the importance of having your tribe, your village, your people. Not anyone you need to impress or feel like you can’t truly be yourself with. It’s important to have a safe space, where you can cry, ask for help, be vulnerable, and not only give love but receive it.

One thing that helps me is being able to pray and talk to God about these things but there are times when I even avoid talking to Him because it’s hard to confront things sometimes. It’s ironic because God is my peace and strength but when I don’t talk to HIm and withdraw myself it ends up hurting me more because I know I need Him especially during these moments. Last month I couldn’t understand how I could experience so much joy and peace and within a matter of weeks feel frustration and disappointment. Instead of going to God about it I just withdrew myself even more and let me just say that I know I may seem to be all put together and look like I have it all figured out but I don’t. I still get scared to confront all of the things that God wants me to confront, to let go of old mindsets and accept new ones and that is exactly what God has been doing with me all year long. 

Don’t get me wrong I have grown so much especially spiritually, mentally and emotionally but to be honest with y’all I need to be honest to myself first. Life is hard! It comes with heartache, disillusionment, disappointment, grief, but it also comes along with joy, peace, love, and happiness. These feelings can be felt separately and simultaneously and that’s kinda where my mind and heart are playing catch up. My mind is trying to understand them and my heart is trying to decide which should be felt first. As a child of God I’m learning more and more everyday we can not let our emotions run us but we must also be okay feeling them and putting them into God’s hands and leaning on His understanding not our own.  

With all of that being said, now I can talk about Taking a step back. Others may think that taking a step back is a bad thing and that we should always move forward but I strongly believe that taking a step back is necessary sometimes. Life can be tough at times and when you pause, breathe, and take a step back you can get a better look at what’s in front of you.  I found myself needing to take a step back towards the end of the year. I just didn’t have the energy to update you guys as much as I wanted to, everytime I would start writing I wasn’t motivated to finish. This break we had from school was exactly what I needed to just spend time with myself, with loved ones, and rest. I needed to take a step back to be able to look at a bigger picture, to feel my feelings, to overcome a few obstacles, and to learn from past lessons. Like I’ve mentioned it’s not easy for me to open up about these things but if I ask you guys to allow yourselves to be open and grow then I must do those things myself. 

I don’t know if any of you feel stuck, feel like you lack motivation, feel overwhelmed, but I exhort you to take that step back. To evaluate what is going on in your life, where you’re headed, and what you would like to accomplish. Let this be your reminder that you can change things you don’t like. You can make those choices that will help you grow. Examine yourself and your emotions, allow them to be what they are but don’t let them run you. I hope you have a great start to your year. My goal is to update y’all more and to share many more adventures.

I leave you with this quote;

“Sometimes in life you need to take a step back and see where all the pieces fall. In time you will see what’s important and what never really was.” 

Until our next unpacking, Have a great day my lovelies!

Love Always,

Janny Mari