Hello my beautiful friends,

I find myself craving a snow day, for those of you who don’t know I work in a public school and let me just tell you I think we all wish we had a snow day already.  Although snow days for me mean something entirely different than it did when I was a student I still enjoy getting the call.  Sometimes I just like to stare out of my bedroom window, snuggled up watching the snowfall softly. It’s almost like time slows down and for the day I get to just be. I know I know this is random but just thought I’d like to share. So how are you doing today? I hope you’re not letting life’s worries get you down. I also hope you are making time to relax and breathe deeply. So allow this time as you read to be a time to unwind and be still for a moment. Let’s talk for a bit.

I’d like to bring up a topic today that honestly took a long time for me to realize I was going through and to this day I still find myself trying to figure it out and it’s Outgrowing. Before I get into it let’s see the definition for Outgrow.

Outgrow

verb

out·​grow ˌau̇t-ˈgrō 

outgrew ˌau̇t-ˈgrü  ; outgrown ˌau̇t-ˈgrōn  ; outgrowing

transitive verb

: to grow or increase faster than

mankind is outgrowing food supplies

—R. C. Murphy

: to grow too large or too mature for

outgrew his best suit

the need to outgrow the habit of war

As I was looking for this definition It came to my mind that back in May I wrote a blog titled “Take Up Space” where I talked about my insecurities of taking up too much space physically and personality wise. When you get a chance go and read it. I find myself in quite a different mindset. Where I once felt like I was too much I feel like I’m not enough (in a good way), Where I once felt like I was taking too much space I feel like I’m not taking enough. In fact I find myself Outgrowing friendships, relationships, mindsets, goals, and dreams. It’s a scary thought really, it almost sounds selfish of me to think that way but honestly it’s an interesting feeling.  

For those that know me know that I can seem like the most outgoing person but in reality I love me some alone time. It’s when I get to talk to God or just evaluate myself and see where I am at in life. For a few months I’ve been very pensive, my trip to Paris really opened up my mind about so many things. My world that was filled with unreachable dreams suddenly became a world with attainable dreams. As a kid growing up I fell in love with reading because I was able to go to so many different worlds without leaving my room. Worlds that only seemed possible to visit only in my imagination.  But Paris and God of course showed me that the sky is truly the limit. That if I want it badly enough with prayer and hard work it can be achievable and as I was realizing this suddenly my thoughts began to shift, I started wondering if what I thought I wanted is truly what I want. Suddenly I found my thoughts drifting towards do I want to settle or do I want to explore. I spoke to a few friends about my thoughts and some had different perspectives. Some said you can settle down and still explore and others said get it in while you still can because life changes when you’re married and have kids. I appreciate everything they’ve told me but something I realized was that each and everyone of us live different lives and have chosen different paths.

There’s this quote that I read that put a few things into perspective for me and it says;

“Recognize when a phase, a life stage, or a relationship is over let it go.  Allow yourself to gracefully exit situations you have outgrown.  Moving on doesn’t have a catastrophic  dramatic event. You can simply choose to move forward with peace and clarity.” 

I honestly didn’t realize that it was okay to outgrow all of these things. There was a friendship that I had for almost 10 years and a few years ago I felt like we were drifting apart.  I felt so guilty because I felt that we weren’t a part of eachothers daily lives anymore. That I suddenly realized I didn’t go to them for everything.  It wasn’t like this person wasn’t important to me they were but what I thought was guilt was really outgrowing them all along. Sounds a bit harsh doesn’t it? It makes you kind of wonder why we outgrow some friendships and relationships while others continue to grow with us.  It took me a long time to move on from that friendship because I felt like I was losing someone who was important to me for so many years but in reality we just outgrew each other. The love is still there and we reach out to each other once in a blue. They just aren’t a part of my everyday life and that is okay. 

It took awhile for me to understand that outgrowing someone or something doesn’t have to be a whole event where I need to figure out what I did wrong. We simply just outgrow things the same way we outgrow clothes. Some of my friends that I outgrew wanted to continue with a victim mentality where they never did anything wrong and life was always against them. They simply didn’t want to take accountability that our actions, words, decisions have consequences and I noticed this a lot when I came to Christ. I don’t have any problems with being friends with people who don’t go to church or believe in God but they didn’t like how I was different in the sense that I didn’t want to do anything that would dishonor God. That I found more joy in going to church than going to a party or out drinking. 

Outgrowing someone, your dreams, goals, or an old mindset sort of feels like a break up (at least to me it does). It feels like something we want to hold on to because it was something that brought comfort to us at a certain point in our life.  But what I’m recognizing the most is that I need a new pot. You may be wondering what in the world do I mean and I’ll tell ya. 

I read an article on The Spruce by Marie Iannotti called “How to know if your house plant is pot bound.” and I took a piece from it that caught my eye. It states;

“Houseplants are totally dependent on the conditions in their containers. Soil, drainage, light exposure, and nutrition has to be adjusted to their needs, or they won’t survive. Of all these factors, soil may be the most overlooked. It’s easy to think that as long as you start your houseplant off right, it should continue growing just fine. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. As potted plants grow full and leafy, their roots are also expanding. These roots tend to break down the soil in the pot, as they expand. Roots then displace the soil and break down the soil nutrients to absorb them. The second problem is that the roots will go looking for more room to expand and will start to wind themselves around in circles, girdling themselves in the process. This is what is meant by the term “pot bound”. Plant roots should grow down and outward from the bottom of the plant, not wrap themselves in a circle.

Sooner or later every healthy, growing houseplant is going to outgrow its pot, and to avoid the plant becoming pot bound, there are several signs to watch for to keep your plants healthy. When a plant gets too large for its pot and the roots circle around inside the pot, the plant’s growth becomes restricted. If your plants seem to dry out more quickly than they used to, but are otherwise healthy, they are probably pot bound. There are simply too many roots in the pot and not enough soil is left to hold and distribute water. Other indicators of a pot-bound plant include roots growing out of the pot’s bottom drainage hole, as well as water that pools on the soil’s surface. Roots that encircle the pot prevent the absorption of water. Leaf drop, failure to thrive, and lack of new growth are also indicators that it’s time to repot your plant.

“https://www.thespruce.com/pot-bound-houseplants-1402661#:~:text=When%20a%20plant%20gets%20too,they%20are%20probably%20pot%20bound.

Houseplants are dependent on the conditions of their container, likewise I am dependent on the conditions of my life. I am dependent on the type of soil I use, how I choose to drain what I don’t need or the negative things in my life, how often I’m exposed to light and my nutrition.  We can definitely take this spiritually because I do believe that the more we are exposed to God and His light the better we grow but I want to take this spiritually, literally, and figuratively.  Just as the plant outgrows its pot I know I am outgrowing mines, I’m outgrowing my comfort zone, I’m outgrowing what society thinks I should do, and what my limits should be. It’s scary but I’m craving more space, I’m craving a bigger pot to spread out my roots in. 

I don’t know if you find yourself at a similar stage as me. I don’t know, maybe your pot is just right at the moment and you feel pretty good. Or what if your pot is too small like mine and you find yourself wanting bigger things than you could ever imagine.  All I know is that it costs you nothing to dream or want more; physically, emotionally, financially, spiritually and educationally. For months there were a few things that I kept wondering about what to do and in some sort of Eureka moment I realized that the solution to my problems / worries was quite simple. I have outgrown my pot and as comfortable, at home, and safe it made me feel it’s time to move to a new one where my roots can spread out and grow instead of feeling like my growth is being stunted.

This thought is scary and exciting all at the same time. There are a few conversations that I need to have and decisions that I need to make to get the ball rolling but I know it’ll be for the best.  It’s time to reach new horizons and leave the what ifs behind and start to think in the mindset of Why not now! 

I know I brought a lot of different things to think about in this blog but I hope that if you walk away with anything it’s that it’s okay to outgrow your environment and what you thought you wanted.  If you believe in God, ask for His guidance.  Find the pot that will be good for you and your growth and know that when the time comes letting go can be a good thing.  That it is okay to want more for your life and to make space for it. For me my pot can mean many things but for now it’s definitely in my mindset and moving out of my comfort zone.  For you your pot may look different but that’s the beauty in plants, they’re all different and require different pots for different seasons in their life.

I leave you with this quote; 

“I have outgrown many things. I have outgrown relatives who gladly offer criticism but not support. I have outgrown my need to meet my family’s unrealistic expectations of me.  I have outgrown girls who wear masks and secretly rejoice at my misfortunes.  I have outgrown shrinking myself for boys who are intimidated by my intelligence and outspoken nature.  I have outgrown friends who cannot celebrate my accomplishments. I have outgrown people who conveniently disappear whenever my life gets a little dark.  I have outgrown those who take pleasure in gossiping and spreading negativity.  I have outgrown dull, meaningless conversations that feel forced.  I have outgrown those who don’t take a stand against ignorance and injustice. I have outgrown trying to please everyone.  I have outgrown society constantly telling me I’m not beautiful, smart, or worthy enough.  I have outgrown my tendency to fill my mind with self doubt and insecurity.  I have outgrown trying to find reasons not to love myself.  I have outgrown anything and anyone that does not enrich the essence of my soul.  I have outgrown many things– and I’ve never felt freer.” – Chanda Kaushik

Until our next unpacking. Have a great day my lovelies!

Love Always,

Janny Mari