Adjust Your Sails

Hey everyone,

School is over! Today was my first day off from Middle School for the next few months. I gotta say as much as the kiddos love to challenge us, working at a Middle School has become my favorite.  Sure High school is fun but there’s just something about working with big kids who still seem like they’re toddlers and getting them ready for a bigger world.  Seeing them graduate definitely made me emotional because I’ve seen how much they’ve grown and I can’t wait for them to fly and reach bigger milestones.  Currently up at the ungodly hour of 12:30am, 30s just hit differently and let me tell y’all staying up late isn’t what it used to be haha. So if you’re up like me at the moment make sure you’re comfy, get some snacks and or a beverage and let’s chat for a bit.

I’m going to be completely honest, the last few weeks have been pretty rough on your girl. I’ve literally been living on a prayer. We all have our highs and we all have our lows, with life being so overwhelmingly packed with work, and my day to day it’s been hard to juggle it all. I’ve found myself exhausted physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Last week a coworker of mine who is one of the biggest blessings in my life noticed how I was. All they have to do is ask, “How are you doing?” and because they have allowed me to be vulnerable it’s hard for me to pretend like I am okay. I talked to them for a little and they gave me pretty great advice and as they hugged me they reminded me to breathe.

It’s funny because I think they are the only ones who as they hug me and I start to cry they remind me to breathe. I never realized that whenever I tried not to cry I would hold my breath, it’s when I’m reminded to breathe that I finally let go of what’s been burdening my heart. I’m so thankful for people like them in my life because I am the type of person that when I’m at work, church, or wherever I keep it professional. But God has a way of placing people who you can lean on in your life.

As I wondered how and what to share I started to take gulps of my now warm coffee. It’s funny but most people don’t like it when their coffee gets cold but because I love Iced coffee I don’t mind it one bit when my coffee cools down. As I started to ponder on this I realized that it’s because I don’t mind adjusting.  I’m not one of those people who has to always have it her way, I’m the type that if there is a twin bed while others get full then I don’t mind because I can adjust.  The flight got delayed 5 hours? Great, I’ll people watch. 

See there are some people who can only have things their way and they find it hard to adjust when things don’t go as planned.  Sure I may worry and maybe overthink it a bit but if there’s one thing I’m going to do is adjust. I read a quote by one of my favorite people Dolly Parton where she says,

“We can not direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.”

Dolly Parton

I began to wonder about the meaning of that quote and by my understanding is that we can’t expect to know what life is going to hit us with but we can adjust how we react and behave with what comes our way. I’m learning that I don’t have a problem with adjusting or adapting, whether it’s about work, projects I’m working on, or life. My issue is when it comes to people.

I’m currently working on how I adjust and adapt to people in my life. When do I adjust to sudden changes in our relationships and when do I adapt? See the more I ask God to show me how to love, forgive, see, speak like Him the more I find myself hit with disappointment, hurt, and questions. With all of my might I try to love and forgive like God but I am not Him, I’m flesh and bone.  Teaching my heart to be okay sometimes takes a while because when I love I love hard. I’m an “all in” kind of woman and I find it hard sometimes to adjust to the boundaries I need to set to protect my heart. I’m learning to have more compassion and understanding but my heart is also hurting and that’s one thing I find hard to adjust to, my heart hurting.

I can not direct the sudden changes that happen around me, I can not direct the feelings I’ve invested or the attachments that I’ve had on those I care for. There are times where I wonder if I can trust myself to open up, If I can trust myself to want something hard enough. I sometimes wonder if that’s why I find so much comfort in my own space, alone because at least when I’m alone I don’t have to adapt or adjust. I can just be still and talk to God. 

Every day I learn that life is a very tricky thing, constantly on the move and constantly changing.  There are days where the sky is clear, days where the clouds threaten a storm, days where it seems like the storm will wreak havoc on my boat, and days filled with rainbows where I’m reminded of His promises. Each day welcoming me to learn, adapt, adjust, evolve, and just be. Each day reminding me not to lean on my own understanding like the word says

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

And lean not on your own understanding; 

In all your ways acknowledge Him,

And He shall direct your paths.”

Proverbs 3:5-6 NKJV

 Every day I learn more and more to let God direct my path and guide me. I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like me before, I don’t know if it’s the fact that I’m writing this at 1:30am that it just seems easier to pour out all of this but I hope you know you’re not alone.  I don’t have all of the answers nor do I pretend to. The only thing I know is that whenever I’m upset, whenever I feel like I can’t even adjust the sails I talk to the one who created the wind.

You see, a year ago God gave me some comforting words that I remembered the other day. “Your only job is to believe, and when you can’t believe, believe even harder.” God didn’t ask me to figure it out, He didn’t ask me to solve all the problems that came my way. He told me to just believe. So for anyone who is having trouble adjusting their sails you’re not alone, some days we just need to let God take the wheel. I hope y’all have a good night and thanks for keeping me company, and letting me ramble.

I started with Dolly so I’ll end with Dolly and leave y’all with this quote;

“The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.”

-Dolly Parton

Until our next unpacking, have a great day my lovelies!

Love Always,

Janny Mari