“Look Past My Cover”

Hey Everyone, 

EDIT, I wrote this last week but haven’t had a chance to post since it’s been busy but Happy Holidays and hope you all were able to spend it with loved ones or doing things you love.

Look at me, second post in less than a few weeks! GROWTH, haha. I chuckle because this is something I say a lot. So before we start chatting, how is everyone doing? The Holidays are coming up and I’m not sure which you celebrate but I hope it goes well. I know this season tends to get busy with shopping and getting together with family and friends. So as a reminder, take some time for yourself. Do things that you love, take a moment to breathe deeply. I know I know it gets repetitive but trust me I have to remind myself all the time and it helps. So for those of us who are experiencing Winter in all of its glory I hope you’re somewhere warm and cozy. For those of you who are lucky to live in warmer areas please send a little sunshine our way. Without further ado, let’s chat for a bit.

I debated a lot on whether I wanted to talk about today’s topic and since it’s been on my mind for a bit I thought it’d be better to talk about it and let it go. This Summer I had a not so fun experience, amongst other things that happened I had a dentist appointment. For those who have been following my blog from the beginning I’m sure you know that I have yet to have a nice experience at the Dentist. So in August, I had to get a temporary crown put in a few days before I was to head out to Puerto Rico. 

As I sat down before the procedure the Dental Assistant looked at my knee and asked if it hurt, I was confused. Did I bang it without realizing it? I am known to be clumsy. I tell her “No, it doesn’t hurt.” She shook her head and said “ No I mean, do your knees hurt because of you being overweight?” Suddenly it felt like all of my blood rushed to my head, I felt flush. I felt my face getting very hot. These words were like a dagger, especially since it was something I didn’t expect to hear.

She continued saying “Are you able to have a normal life? Do your knees and back hurt from carrying all of that weight? Are you able to be active?” I began to breathe deeply, noticing that she was a little too comfortable asking these questions. I noticed there was no remorse in her eyes, and when I told her that I lived a very active life more so than my friends on the skinnier side she just said “Oh.”

I was already upset because I had to be stabbed by a needle multiple times to numb my mouth now I was upset by her words. I kept praying that I wouldn’t cry as they worked on my tooth. Praying that they would just get it done quickly. As hard as I try to live my life the best I can, the only thought that ran through my mind is “Why do I keep getting judged by my cover? Why do I keep getting judged by my size?”

As I thought of this matter I couldn’t help but think “Janny, why does this bother you so much? You’re beautiful, you’re smart, and kind.” The words of a stranger shouldn’t matter and yet they did. Maybe because deep down inside of me, a very small part of me can’t help but feel insecure. That it wasn’t fair that the first thought or opinion people may have of me is my weight. That I get judged for something that doesn’t contribute to who I am as a person.

For those of you who haven’t followed me from the beginning I have PCOS, Polycystic ovary syndrome. 

You may be wondering what does that mean? Well here you go: it is a hormonal condition that affects women of reproductive age and can cause a number of symptoms, including: 

  • Irregular or missed periods
  • Excess body or facial hair
  • Acne
  • Weight gain, especially around the belly
  • Large ovaries or ovaries with many cysts

I’m luckier than most in the sense that others who have it deal with different and many other types of health issues, but everyone is different. Of course having this doesn’t make me who I am, it just makes things harder. It’s not something a lot of women like to share and I understand why. There are so many questions or statements made when it’s mentioned. “Does that mean you can’t have kids? Does that mean you grow a full beard? That’s not an excuse for your weight.”

In my case yes I get facial hair but I know other women who get so much that they end up having beards and you know what they own it! Have I been told there might be problems conceiving? Yes, but I have so many friends who have shown me that even though it may be hard it’s not impossible. I’ve even had the pleasure of holding a few of their bundles of joy as well. Is it an excuse for weight? It’s not an excuse, it is a reason. I never understood how I could be so active, eat less because I get full quick, and still be my weight. Granted I wasn’t thrilled when I got the news but it gave me an understanding that it wasn’t me, it was just the way my body is set up. And thankfully my doctors are helping me figure out what works for me and how they can help me. 

Now I don’t share all of this for pity or to make excuses because even though I have that it’s not me. It’s just sad that today people are still very judgmental, they’re still bullies, and still don’t realize how hurtful their words can be. But I look forward to showing you guys who I am, the things I love to do, and what I have been able to do with my “overweight” body. 

First and foremost I love to dress up my body. Don’t get me wrong I am all for dressing down and being what I like to call myself “A cozy troll” cause when I get into my sweats I’m a different Janny haha. But one thing I do love is being able to show that 1. It’s not your body, it’s the clothes. You gotta figure out what works and looks best for your body. 2. Modesty can be beautiful. I also believe you don’t have to show your whole body for people to think you are beautiful. If that’s what you like then be my guest no judgement here. I also love all kinds of fashion especially from the 50’s and up so I try to incorporate a little of that in what I wear. 3. Have fun with what you choose to put together, own it, and don’t let anyone make you feel bad for your sense of style. It’s okay to not be “in trend” you are the only you and that is what is incredibly beautiful about you.

Something I love to do is travel, which for us on the thicker side can be a bit worrisome. We think about so many things that those of a smaller build won’t think about. How are we going to fit comfortably in the plane? Are we going to get the same judging looks of “Oh I hope they don’t sit next to me.” Don’t get me started on how embarrassing it used to be to ask for a seat belt extender. But you know what after traveling for so long the embarrassment and worry of “Am I taking up too much space” leaves and you get more excited for your destination. So what if you’re taking up space! I’ve learned that it’s okay to take up space and no one should make you feel badly about it. So with that I’ll share a few of my favorite destinations. Starting with my most recent:

HONDURAS: If I can share every picture I took there I would. I fell in love with my families country, with my country. With all of it’s beauty and wonders. Though I must admit it’s not for the faint heart. Classified as a 3rd world country you can see why but at the same time it is rich in its history, culture, and food. My favorite had to be visiting Las Ruinas de Copan. As most of you know I studied Ancient Egyptology Arts & Archeology. It was always a dream of mines to roam through pyramids and tombs. I just didn’t know the first ones I would get to visit are in Honduras.

Next on the list Paris, France: This was literally a dream trip. I never in a million years thought that I would get to travel there with my mom and one of my best friends Joyce. To wake up in Paris visiting the Eiffel Tower on my 30th birthday was surreal!

Now you know I have to add Puerto Rico, my homeland. One of my favorite things about Puerto Rico is the Island life and how welcoming everyone can be. I love exploring the beaches there and caves. It also helps that the food is always delicious. Whether it’s going on a late night tour through the Bioluminescence Bay or taking an ATV tour through their rainforest “El Yunque” you’ll find adventure anywhere on the Island.

Vermont: We went when it was freezing so you can imagine how bundled up we had to be and yet it was even more beautiful covered in snow.

New Hampshire: Last year for my birthday getaway we went to New Hampshire and had the best time together. If you haven’t noticed I am a family girl so on a lot of my trips you’ll see them a bunch of pictures.

Maine: This had to be one of my favorite trips with Bekah! We just ran on intrusive thoughts haha but it was an amazing weekend!

Virginia/D.C: Just hearing the sound of the waves from our room made the trip worth it. Aside from having to drive on that long bridge which almost made mom pass out we loved it.

New York: I’ve been visiting New York my whole life, so this day was pretty special because it was a surprise for my birthday a few years back. Mom and Jackie brought me to the bridge and after they surprised me with tickets to The Van Gogh exhibit. For those who have been following me you know that he is one of my favorite artists. Many happy tears were shed this day.

One thing I absolutely love is adventure, whether it’s Shark Diving with 9 sharks in a tank, Parasailing in Lake George, going to concerts, Axe throwing, or just visiting somewhere new.

Something that you may also see me do a lot of is going to paint nights with family & friends or just walking around a museum appreciating all of the beauty it has to offer.

Last but not least, I love serving God. I love to worship, sing, preach, teach, you name it! As long as I am honoring Him and showing others that He exists and loves just by being who He has called me to be. My goal in life is that everyone can see Him through me! I am the Media Director in my church which means work never ends but it is an honor to be able to spread the gospel any way that we can! I am just blessed to be able to work with an amazing team filled with beautiful talent.

Some fun facts about me are:

  • I only have one addiction and I am not ashamed of it: Coffee, Iced coffee to be exact. If you didn’t know me and Dunkin are close homies. They don’t really know we’re besties but that’s okay, I’ll still give them all of my money haha.
  • I love the color pink, anything in Mauve really.
  • I love to try new recipes and baking yummy treats.
  • My favorite shows are Crime Solving, Cooking & Baking Competitions, cheesy Hallmark holiday movies, and K & C dramas/ variety shows.
  • I love Sharks & Giraffes.
  • I know sometimes I look mean and have been told I can be cold hearted but truly I love hard and care too much. So sometimes I’m extra careful with who I allow in my circle and heart. I am so blessed to say God has given me the most amazing people you could ever meet. They get me and they’re MY PEOPLE. So I end this post letting you know that earlier this week I went to a new dentist and they were so kind. They treated me with so much care and even put Christmas music on to calm my nerves while they worked on my tooth. I’m still in pain but I am so appreciative that even in the smallest things God has placed people in my path to direct me to places meant for me. I know I’ve shared a lot today but I hope this has shown you that people are so much more than their weight, height, or overall appearance. So before you go judging a book by its cover give it a read, you might be surprised by the contents of those pages.

And with this I leave you a quote that impacted me:

“Do not judge by appearances; a rich heart may be under a poor coat.” – A Scottish Proverb

Until our next unpacking, have a great day my lovelies!

Love Always,

Janny Mari 

Letting Go: 

Hey everyone, 

I know I know, I thought I would write to y’all more frequently this year but honestly I wasn’t in a great headspace. I’ve been hiding, well hiding in plain sight, but that’s something we’re going to dig into in a little while. I hope you’ve all had a great summer? Great almost 9 months? Can you believe we’re already in September! It feels like the year has just started and I blinked and now we have a few months left. So as the breeze is turning colder for some of us, grab something cozy, get your favorite snacks and beverage of choice. Take a couple of deep breaths, I’m serious, breathe in 1—  Breathe out 2—. Feeling a little better? Let’s talk for a bit.

Hiding in plain sight, I always joke and say that when I didn’t want to be found I would act busy in the middle of a crowd. Avoiding eye contact and appearing busy. Usually this would work but I fear it’s been working a little too well. I no longer used this strategy as a way to cope during the business of serving my public and serving God. I used it to hide my feelings.

There is a quote I found recently;

“And sometimes I have kept my feelings to myself because I could find no language to describe them in.” – Jane Austen

When I read this quote it made perfect sense as to why it’s taken me so long to write to you all, I boast about being as transparent as possible but how could I do it this time if I didn’t understand my own emotions, if I didn’t understand the storms I was put in the middle of? So off I went to hide in plain sight, hide behind a smile, hide beyond an overly booked work schedule, and hide behind my responsibilities. 

So many ask why I look so tired after going on two vacations this summer (which by the way I will try to do a post on those.) But what many don’t know is the number of losses my family and I went through. You see I lost someone very dear to me when I came back from my Honduras trip and not many know this because I am a very private person. I cared for this person and looked forward to seeing them every day. That person passed away with me and I’m no stranger to loss but this one affected me differently. This one shattered my core. For a whole week I didn’t eat or sleep, I was a walking zombie. I watched tv all night because I didn’t want to think. I slept whenever my body decided it couldn’t stay awake any longer but never more than a few hours. I was going to one of my closest friends’ houses so I wouldn’t be alone when others were working and she tried to force me to eat whenever she could. 

My mom called another dear friend without me knowing and she showed up to meet me where I was. She didn’t say much at first, just a hug and “here I got you your favorite coffee.” I took cat naps, and at this point I couldn’t really walk on my own so they walked beside me. My brother also spent the day driving me around. I wasn’t myself, I was broken, I was tired, unable to hide in plain sight. 

After a conversation with one of them shedding light of what I went through I was able to understand that I did everything I could so that this person could enjoy their last days. That it wasn’t my fault. That it was just their time to go.

So finally I slept and ate a meal, but life goes on so, back to work. And boy did I work my butt off this summer.

EDIT: So I must add that I started this on September 9th and I opened it up again on October 30th, today.

Two weeks ago I received the worst news of all, my aunt passed away. As you can imagine I didn’t take that too well, and I did what I do best, hide in plain sight. Though this time it was a lot harder to do so, it was different, too personal, and it hit home. But you know what after her funeral I was able to translate what was going on in my head and my heart. My only fear now is that the longer I let this sit on my drive the longer it will be kept inside of me and I don’t want to hold onto these feelings anymore; safeguarding them until they become a constant reminder of my pain. My only option is to let them go, and with that I leave you guys the only thoughts running through my mind the day of her funeral:

Today.. The day I’ve been dreading for the past few days. The last day I’d see her.

Errands

Errands are good, they keep me busy. Make a list and get a few things. That I can do. But as we drove suddenly I was starting to feel as if the wall I placed around this new exhibition in my heart, this space reserved for my sudden loss was in danger of collapsing.. “think of anything else, Janny Marie.. the trees, the air, or the lights changing.”

Hours passed and finally we reached the place that held the reason for this pain. The place where everyone shows their sorrows. A home only meant for funerals. 

Breathe.. funny how something so essential to me being alive was so easy to forget to do in these moments. Breathe in.. breathe out. Walking in I was ready to avoid any rooms that would hold reminders of what is now known as her past life. The beginning of screams trying to be muffled can be heard through the thin walls. “She was my aunt” … and selfishly I thought “she was also my aunt.”

“Was” a word so small consisting of 3 letters now pulled at my heartstrings.

Heart

My inner monologue seemed to have heightened these past few days. It was almost as if the only way to protect my heart was to remove myself from this situation and become a third person, a person outside looking in, a narrator of some sort. I began to wonder why something that continues to beat was able to break at the same time. To think how cruel it is to feel your heart shatter, to be filled with a void and it still beats as if nothing is wrong. How can something broken still work? I know that question is for God but at this point I can no longer think.

Think

Something I wanted to avoid doing but needed to do to avoid it. I looked around, looked up at anything else besides “The Red“ in the other room.

Red

 It’s such an impactful color. How fitting that someone who the world treated as if they were invisible was defined by such a visible color. To say she was the life of the party is an understatement. She brought color into our lives. To many Red represents fire, passion, love, anger, and chaos. She was all of these things and more, she embodied red as her persona and I believe that if you were to look up the definition to red you would see her name right beside it. As I thought of the color Red I remembered… “do not think Janny just look up”

Ceiling

1..2..3..4.. I began to count the small boxes up on the ceiling. 5..6..7..8.. more people enter the room. “Keep counting” 9..10..11..12.. The more I count, the more I can focus on breathing. “Don’t cry, don’t break, don’t falter” Breathe in.. breathe out. 

“When can we see her?”

 I couldn’t fathom why there was a rush to already see her. I wasn’t ready, who is ever ready for this? My mind and heart began to race and I was wondering which of them would be faster. “If you don’t see her Janny then maybe she’s just kidding” she would be the type to want to see who’d show up for her own funeral. 1..2..3..4.. this time I counted the number of wooden pegs on the staircase (there were 27.) More family members showed up and I built up every ounce of courage to enter “The Red Room.”

Courage

The reason why I had courage was now lying down in a casket. When I was younger she would never let me get bullied and if I was she made sure I fought back. She always ingrained in me that if I didn’t fight back I would’ve gotten hit anyways. She would always say “if I find out they hit you and you didn’t do anything I’ll hit you” She was small but mighty and thanks to her I learned to fight back, she taught me to not be ashamed because I was “fat,” that if anything there was more of me to love. To be loud and proud because that’s her way. “Don’t ever be ashamed,” she would say. 5..6..7..8..

As I looked at the room she was in and my family surrounding her, I can see how everyone mourns differently. Of course some had the loud cries, the screams, the ones who can barely stand up or breathe. No tears yet, does that mean I’m no longer in danger of breaking? 

Tears

They fall down whether we want them to or not but I wasn’t ready. Too much pain, too much sorrow. But I can feel how dangerously close the dam was to breaking and letting go of all of the water. 

Water

Sip.. sip.. sip. It helped to release the knot in my throat that was forming for hours. Once again a tearstained face approaches me and asks, “Are you ready to see her?”  All of the courage that she taught me to have seemed to have left. How can anyone be ready? She was the only aunt I grew up with. The one who would steal my clothes yet bring me something in return. Who could ever be ready. I took a few steps, my brain was foggy, I looked and walked away. As always she was beautiful.

Was

There goes that word again. Is and will always be beautiful.

I couldn’t deal with all of this and suddenly I saw them, it was as if the room opened up to give them space to reach me. They embraced me and finally after what felt like forever I knew in that moment that I didn’t have to be strong because they were strong enough for the both of us. After that words were said, speeches were given. “I’m sorry for your loss”

Numb

Numb to the words and numb to the faces. All I knew was that my core people were with me and that I didn’t have to think or do anything. “Janny breathe” I’m reminded as I stare off into space yet again. 224 boxes on the ceiling.

“You have 15 minutes” 

Suddenly I felt as if all of the oxygen left the room. This is it, cue the hysteria. Who do I help my mom or my fallen screaming cousin? There’s nowhere to hide from all of the pain that was about to erupt. I didn’t say goodbye, I left without looking back, because the last thing I wanted was for my aunt to see that because of her I was broken.

EDIT: December 6th, the day I’m finally ready to let all of this go. This post took many months to write, but I’m glad that I finally have enough peace to translate everything I’ve been going through these last 5 months. On November 20th I turned 32, my first birthday without receiving my phone call from Titi Tundra. All I wanted was to honor her and go to the beach with my mom. You see my Aunt loved the beach as much as I do and I couldn’t see a more perfect way to spend my birthday.

And I leave y’all with this quote:

“Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than hanging on.”

  • Eckhart Tolle

Until our next unpacking, have a great day my lovelies!

Love Always,

Janny Mari 

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“Yield”

By: Perla Aviles

Hi guys!!

Welcome to 2024!!

I am so glad you are here and that you made it to another year. If you are here, it means there is still hope. I want to thank you for coming back and reading these blogs. I am beyond excited for what the Lord is going to do through One Day at a Time with Janny. I have been contemplating for a while on what to write and switched topics multiple times. I decided to give it a rest and let God just guide me into a topic. As I was sitting in my bed after church, God brought to memory the word “yield.” Immediately I thought about the sign I see on the street with the triangle with the same word. I decided to look for the meaning of this sign and this is what I found:

“In essence, yielding the right of way means graciously permitting another vehicle, pedestrian, or cyclist to proceed through an intersection ahead of you.”

When I first read this description, I pictured the opposite of what this is depicting. I pictured the times I came across this sign and, instead of slowing down, I quickly sped up to be ahead of the incoming car. This is the complicated nature of our flesh; wanting to do the exact opposite of what we ought to do. Always wanting to skip the instruction of the Holy Spirit. Always wanting to be driven by my personal desires.

Ever since I was a child I have been very competitive. My husband often laughs when we go bowling or to Dave and Busters because I always want to be the one to be winning. Doesn’t it feel good to win? Doesn’t it feel good to have “the right of way”? To have the upper hand? It often gives us a taste of a thrill. Our desire to win is often related to a chemical in our brain called dopamine which is linked to pleasure. However, I’ll let you guys in on a secret. I always try to listen to that little voice on the inside of me, that spiritual moral compass God placed on the inside of me. The Holy Spirit, that tells me to be quiet when I’m about to grieve him with my words towards others. That little voice that guides me through making important decisions. But, If I am being completely honest with you guys, there are those moments when going against it gives me that momentary rush of dopamine and makes me feel like I finally won. Yet, when I go home, when no one sees me, that little voice whispers, “you shouldn’t have done that.” The guilt within me tries to consume me. The feeling of failing God and the inability of yielding when I should’ve brings me back to my spiritual senses. 

If you’ve ever been in the same position as me I want to remind you, my sweet friend, the yielding signs are not to make you feel less. They are not to prevent you from moving forward. They are not to stunt you, to belittle you or make you feel less important. They are there for caution, for grace, and for mercy. They are there to protect you from a possible “crash” or an “accident.” 

The truth is yielding requires humility and willingness to let God, through his Holy Spirit, have the right of way in every area of our lives. When we give into our own pleasure, when we are driven by our own desires our joy might not last very long and we might also hurt others in the process and hurt ourselves. 

At times I have wondered about poor Moses. The Bible describes Moses as an exemplary man of faith in Exodus 11. Deuteronomy 34 even indicates that God himself buried Moses when he passed away. We are told in the word that there was no prophet like him whom the Lord knew “face to face.” Yet he wasn’t allowed to enter the promised land. In Numbers 20 God gives us the reason why. God told Moses to speak to the rock but instead Moses struck the rock. How many times have we been striking people with our words instead of speaking to them? 

I can confidently tell you that I could relate to Moses’s frustration with the people. One day they were following Moses and the next they were creating idols out of gold. One day they trusted him to lead them through the red sea, the next they were complaining about the manna from heaven. A journey of 11 days took 40 years only because the people were not yielding. Moses was supposed to enjoy the fruits of his labor but hindered his opportunity due to yielding to his own anger. I could only imagine how Moses felt while he watched the people set their feet into what was once just a promise and a desire in their mind; the land promised by God. 

God remembers we are dust, we are imperfect, and that we are human. Experiencing our emotions is not sinful. What we decide to do with them could be. The pleasure of yielding to our flesh, I promise you, is short-lived. I have been there. I have experienced the brief satisfaction of saying something slick. I have been the author of a sarcastic comment that stemmed from my own hurt caused by others. I have felt victory making my own choices too quickly realizing it wasn’t the best choice after all. I have also been the one to yield and wait patiently for my next instruction even in the middle of my anger. I have also been the person to respond peacefully even when receiving the wrath of someone else’s anger. My question to you today is, would you be willing to yield to God today? Would you yield to the instruction of the Holy Spirit? Would you speak to them when you feel like striking? Would you proceed with caution when necessary? 

When you surrender and yield to God’s authority through His Holy Spirit you free yourself from the responsibility of relying on yourself and the limitations of our human yet limited understanding. You are opening yourself to guidance, to wisdom, to transformation. We don’t know it all, and that’s okay too. I invite you to YIELD. When you follow God’s guidance at times it might feel like others are head, but the truth is, you are approaching Him with empty hands ready to receive what He has for you. His ways, His instructions are so much better. You might not see it now, but there is a promise attached to your YIELDING. He will neither LEAVE YOU nor FORSAKE YOU. You won’t have to do it alone. Your reward will be more than you can think of or imagine. 

I want to leave you with the following quote…

With love, 

Perla 

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“Rome wasn’t built in a day”

Happy New Year My dear friends,

2023 was quite the year! Filled with beautiful and ugly days, days filled with uncertainty and others filled with contentment. I hope you all are doing well and that you met this new year on a big note. I spent my last night of the year in my usual place, in church with my church family bringing in the New Year together. So let’s get to it, find a comfy spot and let’s talk for a bit.

After wondering what I wanted to bring to you guys for the first blog of the year I thought why not be honest and transparent. I found myself in a confusing season; though I had every reason to rejoice and be happy I found myself sad and angry. Imagine feeling all of these emotions at once. Pretty tiring right? You see I had one thing I had to deal with that was holding me back from completely closing a few chapters. I mustered up all of the courage God had given me, had the conversations I’ve been meaning to have, and felt proud of myself for how I handled it all.

What I wasn’t ready for was how my body and mind reacted. I was ready to party or so I thought of finally doing what I wanted to, what I felt I had to but I wasn’t. I found myself getting frustrated, asking myself why things happened the way that they did, found myself wanting to cry but not allowing it because I should be happy. Boy was I wrong. Healing if anything is ugly. Healing hurts.

As my friend Perla and I were preparing ourselves for our “Healing Season Series” we figured out pretty quickly that it wasn’t easy.  Closing doors, closing relationships no matter what kind is hard. Sometimes people have their opinions, but at the end of the day you only have one heart. I think because people usually see my heart that’s filled with kindness, love, and strength that they forget that my heart breaks, it gets sad, and it gets angry.

Sometimes being the strongest person sucks, we get overlooked sometimes, people don’t worry about us because “we always figure it out”, most days we don’t get “check in” calls we get “can you help me or hear me out”. Don’t get me wrong this isn’t a pity party, it’s a “remember the strongest can also be weak at times.”

“Rome wasn’t built in a day” is a saying I heard almost all of my life. It’s used to say that things take time. Healing takes time, letting go takes time and I’m still learning that though my boundaries have been set, my conversations have been had, I’m still human and I still care. For anyone who feels broken, or has had to break themselves so that God can make them new everything will be okay. It’ll get better, just not right away.

If this season has taught me anything it’s to cling even more to Jesus and to God’s word, because even when I don’t see or receive what I’ve prayed for God is still good, and He is still God. 

Psalm 34:18 NKJV says “The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart,And saves such as have a contrite spirit.”

We read this verse and probably recite it in our lowest moments but have we truly understood and gotten to the root of these words?

The Lord our God is near to those who have a broken heart, not only is He near to those who are crushed in spirit, who are broken hearted, but He saves those who have a contrite spirit. You may ask what does contrite mean? According to the Merriam- Webster dictionary, Contrite means: feeling or showing sorrow and remorse for a wrong that one has done. How beautiful it is that in our remorse and regret the Lord is there to save us.

I’m going to be completely honest. I have been broken hearted and crushed in spirit regarding relationships/friendships, work, church, and family. I have been disappointed and hurt from expectations and ideas of how people, friendship, and leaders should be. This hurt can be disappointing and overwhelming if you allow it to consume you and though my soul cries out I’m extremely grateful that even in the moments where I fail and should’ve handled things differently the Lord still forgave me, He still saved me.

It is for this reason that I should also follow His footsteps and forgive mistakes, forgive disappointments, forgive misunderstandings, forgive humans for being exactly that HUMAN. Even though I try my hardest to do better I still have to allow my body, mind, and spirit to heal from these things. Some of these things have caused deep rooted pain but as the Lord continues to excavate each of my layers I pray that He also puts balm on them so that they may heal in due time. 

Last year brought me extreme joy and pain and I have to constantly remind myself that these two emotions can coincide with each other. I also have to be kinder to myself, show myself grace, and listen to my body when it’s tired and overstimulated because we only have one body and we have to take care of it. I know this may seem like a sad update but I’m not me if I’m not real with you all. I hope to introduce you guys to Janny 2024 soon, a Janny who has overcome some of her biggest challenges, a Janny who loves harder and forgives deeply, a Janny who will continue to always rely on God, for He always knows best and is always on time.

Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither will I be built in a day. I hope to add many beautiful things to my journey this year, and I’m looking forward to what God is going to do.

For those who are on their Healing Journey or questioning whether they should take the steps necessary to start it, do it! Your healing will hurt, it could get ugly, it could get worse before it gets better but you will be so happy you did it, and your Heart, Soul, and Mind will thank you for it. Who knew letting go would hurt but feel so much better in the long run. If I leave you with anything it’s that even though the thorn hurts when you try to take it out it’s better to take it out then to leave it alone and have it cause an infection. Trust me that momentary pain of taking it out and letting it go is much better than letting it infect you and your light in this world. 

I leave y’all with this quote; and once again Happy New Year!

“Great things take time; that is why seeds persevere through rocks and dirt to bloom.”

― Matshona Dhliwayo

Until our next unpacking, have a great day my lovelies!

Love Always,

Janny Mari

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Ya-Ya!

Hey everyone, so I know I haven’t updated y’all since my last post but here’s the big news…… I got a Car! Thanks to my Mom and Dad for going through this crazy process with me. I wouldn’t have had it any other way. It’s still hard to believe sometimes because 1. I still get a lil nervous driving and 2. Even though it was a goal of mine to finally have it it leaves me in awe. God truly considers the petitions of our hearts. Now drum roll please…….. It’s November!! My birth Month. In all honesty I haven’t thought much about my birthday this year ( I know Shocker).  I just feel like how much more can I be blessed? Life is hard, and my heart truly bares the scars of that statement and yet I am content with my life. I’m getting to know myself even more and sometimes I shock myself at how the littlest things bring me joy. Today’s topic is very dear to me so get comfortable, grab some coffee or tea, and let’s chat for a bit.  

I was wondering how I should start today’s topic and I found a perfect quote; 

“Sisters function as safety nets in a chaotic world simply by being there for each other.”—Carol Saline

I’ve been reflecting a lot lately on my friendships and I’m not gonna lie, I ask God what in the world did I do to deserve these amazing women in my life? That quote said it perfectly, as chaotic as my world gets, time seems to stand still when I’m with my sisters. Now I must say that I was born into a family where there’s usually more men than women. Being the oldest and only girl, life teaches you to man up pretty quickly. I also wasn’t blessed with many girl cousins so most of my life I was used to guys being the majority in my life.

I grew up watching shows and movies on the type of sisterhood I wanted and two of my favorites are “Divine Secrets of the Yaya Sisterhood” and “Steel Magnolias,” the 1989 version. Whenever I have the chance to, I like to watch these, even though I usually end up being a puddle of tears, they just make me feel good. The friendship these women have with one another is one to admire and one I always wished I could have. In the first movie I mentioned the girls have a saying, whenever they’re doing something fun and crazy they yell YA-YA!

I will be 31 in 17 days, wait let me soak that in 31 wow some people feel like their lives are over at 30 but let me tell you it is just the beginning. So in my almost 31 years of life I have had some pretty awful friendships. I was so naive in thinking that the friends I had in elementary, middle, and high school were MY people. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I realized they were never truly my friends. I didn’t realize that I was a placeholder for when they weren’t able to hang out with their best friends. I always thought that they cared for me as much as I cared about them, I couldn’t have been more grateful that younger me was pretty naive that way. 

I have a pretty unique group of friends now, who to me are my soul sisters. It took me going through some terrible friendships to appreciate and recognize when I came across these rare women. These women are truly amazing women of God who love me beyond comprehension.  It is so true when you hear the quote “Birds of a feather flock together.” Growing up my momma would always say tell me who you walk with and I’ll tell you who you are. 

This reminds me of a passage in the Bible when Jesus was betrayed and Peter was scared. When Peter was around a group of people in Matthew 26:69-74

Now Peter sat outside in the courtyard. And a servant girl came to him, saying, “You also were with Jesus of Galilee.” But he denied it before them all, saying, “I do not know what you are saying.”

And when he had gone out to the gateway, another girl saw him and said to those who werethere, “This fellow also was with Jesus of Nazareth.”

But again he denied with an oath, “I do not know the Man!”

And a little later those who stood by came up and said to Peter, “Surely you also are one of them, for your speech betrays you.”

Then he began to curse and swear, saying, “I do not know the Man!”

You may ask “Janny, where are you going with this?” well let me tell you, even though this passage is sad because fear led Peter to deny Jesus in that moment this passage teaches me a lot. This passage shows me that Peter’s friendship with Jesus changed him, it changed the way he talked, the way he walked, and because of this he was easily recognized as a follower of Jesus. The marks of him walking with Jesus for those few years were clearly visible to others. As a follower of Christ that is what I want as well. That when people see me they can clearly see the marks of my Savior in the way I talk, walk, love, and forgive. 

It brings me joy when people acknowledge my friendships with my sisters. When they say “man I can tell you and so and so are friends” because to me it is also an honor to bare the marks of my friendships with them.  When I look at them I can’t help but imagine this is why Jesus needed HIS people. Not only did they break bread with Him but they also chose to spread the good news, and also suffered the consequences of leaving everything behind to become fishers of men.

The friendships I have right now were clearly formed by the hands of God. I see Him so clearly in the way they talk, walk, and pray. In the way that I can be completely vulnerable with them and they are comfortable to be vulnerable with me. In the way that when I feel stuck and lost they help me find my way and speak life into me. I know these are people chosen directly by God for me. My problems become theirs and vice versa, their sorrow becomes my own, we laugh and we also cry together.  We hold ourselves accountable, especially when we react badly to certain situations and we talk it out, reflect and think of ways we could’ve handled it better, whether it be towards husbands, children, work, or church nothing is off the table.

I’m grateful for last minute Target and Walmart runs, for the texts of “what are you doing right now,” for FaceTime calls, To hotel getaways and hot tub soaks, to Monday night Dunkin chats, and “wanna get coffee” texts. To running and screaming kids as we bare our souls. Even when everyone is sick and catching kids throw up in your hands as you laugh at these “what the heck just happened?” Moments. To birthday trips, and chismecito time. And fangirling over BTS and dreaming of our South Korea trip.

Dancing in the middle of the street on our way to Ben and Jerrys. To our Cape Cod getaway where we had the bougiest weekend filled with Pasta, views, and French Pastries. To breakfast and Jesus talks. To putting on wetsuits for a Sharkdive in the smallest bathroom ever. To crying and laughing as we get our pedicures. To moments of “Guess what and sooooo hear me out.” To ugly cries at altar calls and holding each other as we weep.

To moments that are good, bad, and very ugly. I am grateful for these moments with these women that not only hold me accountable but push me for greater and better.  We don’t have life figured out even though we hold ourselves up pretty well. We’re human, we cry, we ask why, we doubt, and we bleed. But going through life with them makes it so much worth it. We live to the fullest, cry the most, and laugh until we can’t anymore. And not only that but the best part is we truly pray for one another.

Life is hard, life is complicated but with God, Family, and my Ya-Yas I feel like I could handle anything. So here’s to my girls who make living One Day At A Time an adventure.

As always here’s a special quote;

“Some women pray for their daughters to marry good husbands. I pray that my girls will find girlfriends half as loyal and true as the Ya-Yas.”

― Rebecca Wells, Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood

My hope is that if I ever have a daughter she’s blessed with her own Ya-Yas, just as I have been blessed with mine.

To all who read this I truly hope you have your own Ya-Yas or Yo-Yos, or Ya-Yos, Life is hard to deal with on your own. It may take time but you’ll find them just as I’ve found mine.

Dedicated to my  Ya-Yas who are faithful and true!

Until our next unpacking, have a great day my lovelies!

Love Always,

Janny Mari

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God Moments 

Written By: Perla Aviles

I will be honest with you guys and tell you how excited I was to write this week. I have been occupied with ministry and being a mom, and a wife, and everything else in life but I decided to take some resting time and refocus, and replenish myself. I would say that God has been working in my life in a very special way. I have been in awe of the Lord in this season and in the new ways He has been revealing Himself to me. He has been adjusting so many things in my life like I have stated in previous blogs but when I tell you it has been worth it! It has been!

I have seen parts of the bigger picture and I have been able to put together the “why’s.” I have spoken many times of the hard seasons because I was in a very painful transition in my life recently that hurt me very deeply. Now I’m in that healing season. Finding God in ways I have never seen Him before. Maybe you guys are in the middle of that season right now. 

What I can tell you is that, in any season of your life that you might find yourself right now, there are God moments happening all around you at any given time. God moments are personal encounters when God’s love, purpose and/or His presence may be revealed to you through a message, a song, a conversation, or even an event that God allows you to witness. It could also be words of affirmation through someone that randomly comes to uplift and encourage you when you’re going through difficult seasons. The result of these moments are a deep conviction and awakening within your heart knowing that God is somehow interceding for you, that God is pleading your case, listening to you and is there for you. 

When these moments come to my life I can’t help but be in awe of God and how thoughtful He is towards us. Those moments often come with peace that surpasses all understanding and assurance that God is personally working on my behalf; that everything is going to be okay. However, I can tell you guys that so many times I have missed these God moments all because I was distracted with the noise of life and routine. I missed those moments where the Lord wanted to reveal Himself to me in some way. 

I remember when I used to take the bus back in the days when I didn’t have a vehicle. I used to take about 3 buses to go to college when I graduated high school because I was attending a college almost 2 towns away from mine. Whenever I would be too distracted  I would miss the bus while looking at my phone or simply going into a store because I thought I had enough time. There were times when I would wake up late and I knew that I was going to miss the bus because of how time-sensitive public transportation is. This would often cost me my time and sometimes even money if I had to take an Uber to make it to my destination on time. Likewise, there are moments that Lord permits and designs just for young often missing them could cost you wisdom that you could’ve used later on that day, that week, that month, or even that year. These moments are time-sensitive because maybe, just maybe, that opportunity might not present itself to you again. 

One of the ways the Lord has revealed himself to me lately is through casual conversations with friends while doing my hair. I have had one of the most meaningful conversations while sitting at a hair salon chair spending time with my sister in Christ, talking about the goodness of God and struggles of life. I remember a particular day when I thought I was just going to do my hair and spend time with two of the most special people God has permitted for me to get close to. They have been true sisters in Christ in this season. As we sat there and joked around for some time, our conversation all of a sudden shifted and we began to talk about the struggles we were experiencing. One moment that resonated with me was their discussion about change and their growth within the last year. 

God had changed them and situations for their good. He has been continuously working in their lives even when it didn’t seem like it. I felt this deep conviction to reflect on my own journey and my growth within the last year. This was a God moment. God was revealing His faithfulness to me. Even when I looked back and thought about the multiple changes and transitions I have been through, I couldn’t help but smile. I noticed that through each season I was truly never alone. God was holding my hand. 

Another moment that is still printed in my mind was during a Bible study with one of those sisters I described previously. Each Monday we have dedicated our time to study the word of God and reflect on it together. We are currently reading a book and we picked up a random chapter by “coincidence.” We decided to meet late one evening at a Dunkin donuts near her house. While all the staff were cleaning all around us near closing time, there were tears flowing down our faces all because the chapter we decided to read was so accurate and applicable to our season. 

That was a God moment. The Holy Spirit began to touch our hearts and speak to our situation. God met us right where we were. At a Dunkin. Late at night. While the staff were cleaning around us. There was blasting music from the speaker and somehow, someway our spiritual ears were opened and our spiritual ears were opened and our physical ears were closed. We were able to tune out the distractions around us to meet with Jesus right where we were.

This sounds a lot like Mary and Martha. Luke described this beautiful story that I personally love. Some days I am Martha agitated and concerned over every detail. The perfectionist in me becomes quickly anxious attempting to keep it all together in every area of  my life. But I prefer to aim to be like Mary.  Maybe she didn’t have it all together like her sister wanted to but she was captivated by the presence of God revealed in flesh through Jesus. Jesus had her undivided attention. 

Martha was attempting to serve in the best ways she knew how, taking care of the chores and making sure things were tidy and perfect. As a mom and a wife, one way I serve God is through the way I keep my house clean and the way I care for my family. But there are moments where I would rather be at His feet. Listening to His voice, patiently waiting for his wisdom to speak to my heart, to my situation. Even in the moments of cleaning, as I wash dishes or pick up sticky toys from the ground, He meets me there too. However, sometimes the chaos can wait. The distractions can wait. There is a beautiful Hymn by Fanny Crosby that says “Take the world, but give me Jesus…” I want him to have my undivided attention. I don’t want to miss those moments when He visits me and reveals Himself to me. 

How many times have we limited God and the ways He can reveal Himself to us? How many times have we missed a God moment only because the distractions of life were somehow louder than His voice? How many times has the hurt and suffering hindered our ability to get close to Him?

This is the beautiful thing about faith. Faith is not a straight line. Faith doesn’t always make sense and is not always logical. But when you have it, when you fix your eyes on Jesus the author and finisher of that faith, He will meet you right where are you are. When you make a decision to put your faith in action and actively pursue to encounter Jesus in the midst of your chaos, He will meet you right there where you are. 

David wrote on Psalm 139:7-10

“I can never escape from your Spirit!
     I can never get away from your presence! 

If I go up to heaven, you are there;
     if I go down to the grave,[a] you are there.

If I ride the wings of the morning,
     if I dwell by the farthest oceans,

even there your hand will guide me,
     and your strength will support me.”

Right where you are at this very second, God can meet you there too. Maybe you’re going through a season of your life where you lack motivation and strength. Maybe you feel like your faith is being tested and you want to give up and quit. The best advice I can give you is to RESIST!

Hold for a God moment and resist the urge to put your faith on what your eyes can see. Don’t let Him pass by you in your season. He can meet you whenever and wherever. Reflect on what has kept you here so far. Reflect on the moments that God has given you that maybe you have taken for granted. When everything else tries to break you and distract you, ENDURE!

Endure in the Merriam-Webster dictionary means “continuing firm or resolute through trials and difficulties.” When you don’t miss God moments in your life you will be able to continue to be “firm” and unwavering “through trials.” When you have been battling or simply distracted. When you’re seeking to be replenished, He shows up in unexpected ways and gives you the uplifting that you so desperately need in that moment. 

Don’t miss those moments! If you open your spiritual eyes you will see God in your everyday life and in everything around you. Jesus will speak to you in any way possible when you’re willing, open and available. Through the leaves falling off the trees during fall season but the branches remain standing firm all year long.  In the way a stranger randomly smiled at you when you were having a bad day. In the way you received that unexpected yet uplifting message you needed. In the way the air fills your lungs without you having to consciously think about it. In the small details of a scenery that you probably did not notice before. In the small acts of kindness God allows you to do for others. In the testimony someone decided to share with you. He is ALWAYS meeting you THERE. Don’t miss your God moment! Keep your eyes and your ears OPEN and connected to the Lord through the Holy Spirit within you. 

I want to leave you guys with a quote as always  

With love, 

Perla 

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Oxygen Mask:

Hey everyone, it’s been awhile. I have some very exciting news that I can’t wait to share with you all but it’ll have to wait for the next post. At the moment I’m quite overwhelmed with feelings but not in a bad way. Just in the way that maybe if I write to y’all I’ll feel more at ease. I’ve been so busy that I didn’t even realize that my birthday is next month. I don’t know how I’m going to spend it seeing as there’s no possible way I can top Paris but I’m sure something fun will come up. I hope you guys are doing well and I hope life has been going well for you. Get comfy, find a quiet corner and let’s talk for a bit. 

Exactly two weeks ago I met with a dear friend of mine, and now that I think about it she’s so much more than that. This past Saturday we had a beautiful conference at my church titled “The truth about love.” It was given by my friend Perla who some of you may know as the author of some of the other blogs written here. Her and her husband truly brought a special conference where many of us learned more about ourselves and were given tools on how to grow more in our relationships throughout our life. One of her questions was who do you consider to be a mentor in your life and honestly I left it blank because I didn’t feel like I had one seeing as I’m usually a mentor to most. To be honest the only one who I had in mind that I can talk about anything with is my mom but that wasn’t the question it was who would I consider a mentor.

Now bear with me as I come to the realization that I do in fact have a mentor, I just didn’t realize it until now. In my mind I thought of those in the church who I might consider as a mentor but there was someone who God placed in my life not as a spiritual mentor but as a life mentor, Cindy. I met Cindy in 2019, I was 26 years old; I was going through the toughest season of my life. I was lost, my foundation with God was crumbling, and I didn’t know who I was at all.  I’ve mentioned this before in my earlier blogs but Anytime Fitness (the gym I joined during this time) was a place I was reluctant to visit but easily became my second home, my very own rehabilitation center. 

 I met some pretty amazing people including my coaches and now friends April and Eric.  Eric, who at the time was running the Anytime I joined quickly became someone I went to with anything and everything. At some point he became a safe space for me to vent and be me. I can’t express enough gratitude to April as well because she helped me rekindle the love and fire for God that I thought was gone. Even through Covid she met with me every single week and taught me how to rebuild my relationship with God and worked out with me at least 3 times a week at 5am. I quickly became a part of this community that began to heal parts of me that they didn’t break.  

I started to look forward to working out with Cindy and all of her encouragement when I felt like I couldn’t anymore. Because of her and Eric I am now working at a job I love no matter how challenging it can be but after covid, it was harder for me to go to Anytime and I found myself going less and less. Now  My relationship with God is stronger than ever but I find myself missing one thing, Anytime. Last year I wasn’t ready to go back, life kept getting busier and busier but after meeting up with Cindy I found myself making less excuses and asking myself why not now.

As we had dinner and caught up with each other, she asked me about myself. How I was doing and honestly I wasn’t doing that great and you know what she did, she gave me one of her talks. The type of talks that make you want to get your act together and live your best life. Cindy always has pushed me to be and do better. Whether it be at the gym, at work, about my future, and relationship advice. She always has a golden nugget for me and reminds me to work hard and continue to pray that great things are on their way. I don’t think she truly knows how much she means to me and how much I value her words. After hearing me talk for a while, that’s when she reminded me that I need to put on the Oxygen mask first. 

I found this excerpt in: https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbescoachescouncil/2020/06/09/leaders-put-your-own-oxygen-mask-on-first/?sh=5d0193bd77ad

“Put yourself first.

In order to support your team and be there for everyone around you, you need to start with yourself.

Think of it this way: When you board a flight, just before take-off, the flight attendant begins their ritual in explaining the wheres, whats and what ifs. What’s the one thing that’s always on all the pamphlets and in every speech when it comes to emergency protocols? 

“Should an emergency situation occur, you need to put your own oxygen mask on first, before attempting to help those around you.”

Using this analogy, you might instinctively think this is selfish, counter-intuitive even. But that’s far from the truth. Let’s explore why.

As a leader, especially during times of crisis, people are looking to you for answers, guidance and support. How can you be at the top of your game if you aren’t meeting your own needs first? You will only be able to provide quality guidance and support by making sure you are physically and mentally able to do so. For this, you need to be well-rested, hydrated and ready to conquer each day with renewed energy. By refueling yourself, you’re ensuring that you are giving the best version of yourself as a leader to your team.”

She said “Janny put your oxygen mask on first, it’s not selfish for you to do that. You need to take care of yourself first.”  Hearing that made something click, was this the validation I needed to start being more selfish when it comes to myself? Was this a green light  to just think about myself first? It’s like it finally clicked that I can do it. So from that conversation I kept thinking nonstop about two things  1. What I wanted and 2. What I needed. and I can’t wait to finally tell you guys next time about those two things! 

I don’t think I can truly express the emotions I’m feeling right now, and how I see God moving in everything I put my mind to. Cindy, I am so grateful to not only call you a friend but a Mentor.  You always come at the moments I need guidance the most and you shake me up when I feel stuck and remind me how amazing I am. 

I don’t know if you’re finding yourself in a place in your life where you are always putting others before yourself or your own needs but take a moment to stop and breathe.  Sure people will always need you but they will survive, you don’t always have to say yes.  You don’t have to drown just so others can stay afloat. Like my dear friend said “Put on your oxygen mask first” then when you are ready and able you can help others.

Sometimes we don’t realize how amazing God can be in bringing the people you need into your life. So here’s to those that help mend what they didn’t break, check in even when you don’t reply, and push you to become greater than you ever dreamed. I’m grateful to all of those who put their oxygen masks on first so that they were able to help me with mines.

I leave you all with this quote;

“I think it’s important to put yourself first sometimes.  Do what makes you happy. Say no when you don’t want to do something.  Say yes to whatever you love, even if others don’t understand or support it.  Choose yourself every now and then because if you don’t, then who else will?” -Kandi Steiner

Until our next unpacking, have a great day my lovelies!

Love Always,

Janny Mari

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Jealous of the trees

Hey Everyone,

How have you been? The last time I wrote to y’all was at the beginning of Summer now I find myself writing to you at almost the start of fall. A lot has happened, and at the same time I feel like I didn’t do much at all. Summer went by in such a blur, most of the time I spent it at work, working on things for the church, or just being at home. We recently had a loss in the family and even though it was hard to go through I enjoyed being able to spend time with my aunts from my Honduran side of the family. Did I mention I was Puerto Rican and Honduran? It’s made the way I view life quite interesting because it’s two completely different cultures. As much as I love my Puerto Rican culture I was mostly raised with my Honduran family.

If I can mention a few things I’m excited about, the biggest being that Fall is almost here and y’all know that Fall is my favorite season, the trees change color, the air gets crisper, sweater weather is upon us, and all is right in the world.  I’m also excited because My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3 is coming out this weekend and I can not wait to see it. Now I know you guys aren’t here to hear all about my love for Fall so; get comfortable, find a quiet place, maybe a snack or two and let’s chat for a bit.

This morning I found myself thinking about the coming transition of trees, and how they soon will begin to change color, and then start to lose all of their leaves. I wonder if they realize that I stare at them a lot? If they know that I gaze in wonder at how mighty and beautiful they are.  There’s something about them that brings me peace. Knowing that in every stage of their lives they have purpose. That just like me they started off as a seed and they also had to grow up surrounded by darkness.

You see, sometimes we wonder why we have to be surrounded by darkness, not knowing that in that darkness we will soon grow enough roots and become strong enough to make it to the light. At the start of this summer it felt like I was just on pilot mode, working, sleeping, eating. I needed to find a moment of peace throughout my day and that’s when I started to sit outside in the mornings while I had my breakfast to breathe in the new day and look at the trees. 

I noticed how each tree was so different and how each branch curved differently. How the squirrels would chase each other down the trunks and how the birds would perch themselves on the branches. How the trees would sway from side to side as the wind blew as though they were listening to a melody. It was in these moments where my heart would slow down to a steady beat, I’d feel the breeze brush through my hair, and the sun kiss my skin. This is peace, this is being still, this is admiring God’s creation in the midst of a chaotic routine.

Now it was not my intention to share this with you seeing as I was wondering myself what to write about and isn’t it funny how the last blog post that Perla wrote is about how “People are like plants,” talk about the same spirit huh. This morning I found myself thinking about how easy it is for trees to let go of their leaves. How they just fall and let the wind take them away. I found myself jealous of the trees. I wish it were so easy for me to let go of so many things instead of waiting for God to say “Okay, you have to let go now.” I wish it were easy to let go of pain, and certain emotions but as humans we have to allow ourselves to feel them, to learn from them, and to let them go.

Now there is this one tree I feel badly for, I don’t know if it was struck by lightning or why it was no longer producing leaves but I started to feel sympathetic towards it. Why does this tree stand so tall, unable to experience the seasons like its neighbor trees? Does it feel alone because nothing grows on it? Does it get mad that the birds don’t build their nests on it? The more I pondered this thought the more God ministered to my life. Do I feel bad for the tree or am I feeling bad for myself? Is it because I’m in a different season than my other friends? Sometimes society makes us feel bad because by a certain age we should do this we should do that. People who are married, people who have children, people who have a high paying job, and so on are all celebrated. But what about those who just want to travel and enjoy what life and God has to offer.

Don’t get me wrong guys, I feel like everyone should be celebrated, it’s just not fun when people make you feel bad for not living the way society expects.  At the end of the day, I do believe that we are all living on different timelines and no I’m not going to get into “the multiverse” unless that’s something you’d like to discuss? Can you tell I just finished watching The Flash Movie haha where was I? Oh right, different timelines. I do believe that God blesses us differently and allows us to go through different seasons that prepare us for different blessings.

I live a full life, filled with God, adventures, traveling, laughter, and coffee. Do I love every season? Absolutely not. There are times where I beg God to take me out of some, to heal me from others, and to leave me just a little longer in certain ones. But as I learn more about trees I become less jealous and even more empathetic. I started to wonder why the trees need to lose their leaves and it states in: (A&A Lawncare and Landscaping , Inc. A. Wessleman. Co )

“As autumn sets in and winter approaches, most trees will go dormant to help conserve energy. Leaves are shed in an effort to save energy in the fall– this is what is known as a dormant stage. While in a dormant state, your trees are not dead — although growth is halted for the season.” 

https://aalawns.com/6-tests-to-determine-if-your-tree-is-dead-or-dormant/#:~:text=Leaves%20are%20shed%20in%20an,fall%20to%20the%20surface%20below.

Isn’t beautiful that even the trees and land can find rest during the fall and winter times. I am always amazed how God created the universe and how He knew that everything would need a time for rest. So if even the trees need rest how much more do we as humans need rest? I hope you take this moment to start scheduling more moments of rest in your life.

I was also curious about something else; do trees feel? Here I am being jealous of something I truly know nothing about. So I researched about them and when I tell you I was beyond shocked to find out what I did.

According to an article on the Smithsonian Magazine “Trees Make Noises, and Some of Those Sounds Are Cries for Help” Written by: Rachel Nuwer back in 2013

“It’s easy to dismiss trees as inanimate features of the landscape, but these living, breathing organisms aren’t as stoic as they appear. Trees, it turns out, make all kinds of noises as they grow and respond to their environment. Happy, regularly growing trees sound different from drought stressed trees. Now, a team of researchers from Grenoble University in France is trying to pick out these cries for help amidst all the normal tree white noise in order to provide better, more targeted aid to trees suffering from drought, according to National Geographic.In the case of drought, trees undergoing stress form tiny bubbles inside their trunks, NatGeo explains, which causes a unique ultrasonic noise.” https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/trees-make-noises-and-some-of-those-sounds-are-cries-for-help-24045073/#:~:text=It%27s%20easy%20to%20dismiss%20trees,and%20respond%20to%20their%20environment.

In “When a tress is stressed in the forest, does it make a sound?” Written by: Michael Bell states;

“…Whilst the old thought experiment remains unsolved, scientists from Tel Aviv University (Israel) have determined that plants do, under certain stimuli, make sounds all on their own. This ground-breaking discovery builds on previous findings that when under stress from external pressures plants can alter their shape and color. It has also been previously reported that plants also emit different chemicals when under threat. The chemicals, when released in the soil, can affect neighboring plants, which exhibit defensive behaviors against drought or consumption by animals. These latest findings shed more light on how the plant world can communicate in ways that humans find imperceptible.

The team, led by Lilach Hadany, first recorded the plants in an acoustic box to isolate any potential noises created by the plants from background sources. Tomato and tobacco plants were the primary focus of the study. To mimic a stressful environment, plants were either left unwatered for five days prior to recording or had their stems freshly cut. Microphones designed to detect and record ultrasonic waves were placed approximately 10cm away from the subject plant.

Three controls were devised for the experiment. First, a self control, recording the same plant in a neutral, stress-free environment. Second, a ‘neighbor control’, which involved focusing the microphones on an unaffected plant in the same box. Third, a negative control that comprised an empty pot filled with soil.

The microphones detected that not only dry or cut plants make noise but unaffected plants also generate sounds. Across the board, the plants emitted ultrasound radiation, typically in the region of 40-80kHz. This is well beyond the limit of human hearing, which has an upper limit of around 16kHz for adults. The unstressed plants typically emitted fewer than one sound per hour, whereas the stressed plants emitted upwards of 25 times per hour.’

Out of all of this information; I came to the conclusion that pain isn’t something someone or thing goes through silently.  Maybe it may go unnoticed by most but it doesn’t by God. I found it interesting that these plants and trees make noise but we as humans can’t hear it due to the frequency of said noise. How many of us suffer, and go through things that we feel no one can understand or hear? I’m here to say that God hears you, God sees you, God loves you, and He can heal you from your pain. Don’t hide what you’re going through and hold that pain inside, it won’t do you any good.

I once thought I was Jealous of the trees, but they’re just like me. They experience many seasons, they cry out whether from joy or pain, they experience droughts and thirst, and yet they still stand strong waiting for a new day.

I leave you with this quote;

“All the trees are losing their leaves, and not one of them is worried” – Unknown

Until our next unpacking, have a great day my lovelies!

Love Always,

Janny Mari

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PEOPLE ARE LIKE PLANTS

Written By: Perla Aviles

Hi guys!

First things first, I am exhausted!!!!! I’m off from work today and I had planned to stay home and have a relaxing day, however, things didn’t go as planned and I’m glad! I was able to relax while watching the rain, I was able to swim in a pool, and spend time with some of my favorite people while eating some delicious food. Literally the best way to spend my extended weekend. 

It’s currently about to be 10 o’ clock, and everyone is sleeping at home, it’s raining outside and I have my favorite headphones on while tucked in bed with my laptop on my lap, and, as usual, some crazy bun going on my head (LOL).  There is no other better time for some inspiration to come my way!

I wanted to do something a little different this time. I wanted to tell you a little more about myself, and it might be a little embarrassing to admit but here we go; I couldn’t grow a plant to safe my life. My planting skills were so bad that I used to kill cactuses. Cactuses guys!! You might be thinking, “what’s so bad about that?,” well, my mom has a green thumb and so does my maternal grandmother and pretty much a  majority of people around me. How in the world did I kept getting it wrong? For so many years my poor husband has supported my plant obsession and has watched each and every plant slowly decay before it even hit a month of being in our apartment. 

Every time he would give me the same look of, “here we go again, let’s see how long this one lasts.” I could feel within me that, even though I loved the idea of growing plants and keeping them alive, I actually couldn’t. I wondered so many times again, “what am I doing wrong?” the truth is I never even bothered to look at the instructions or research about the plants. I always thought, “just add some water and put some dirt in it and its done.” Well, it was quite frustrating to continue to spend money on plants that I knew within me were eventually going to die. But the crazy part about all this is that I actually never gave up trying to buy new plants and maintain them alive over and over again. 

One day things changed. After I had my second daughter, I started to get more serious about buying plants, first purposely, and then researching about the type of plant, the type of care it required, the type of soil I needed, how often I should water them and how far or close from the windows I should place them. It was a lot of work to say the least. It was very overwhelming for me, but I was so determined to learn that I didn’t let the feelings stop me from trying. I started with some basic house plants, with 3 to be exact. One of my favorites it’s called philodendron, which is plant with heart-shaped leaves that can be tangled on different objects. I also got a peace lily which is a beautiful plant that eventually grows a white flower with a stem in the middle of it. 

Overall, I started to put more effort into their care, I started to dedicate more time to them, and I slowly started to see progress in their growth. Like my plants were actually growing!! I started to get more plants and I literally found repotting them, cleaning their leaves, and watering them so therapeutic. There is something soothing about putting my hands in the dirt, cutting off the dead leaves, cleaning the green leaves with a cloth while gently grabbing the plants in my hand, watering them, placing them in a new environment when needed, that feels peaceful and calming to me. Call me crazy, but I also like speaking to them as I do it. I even apologize when I have to cut a leave that is no longer alive. I literally sound like an old lady caring for my plant babies. 

I have a total of 15 plants so far and I truly enjoy caring for all of them. Some were given to me very small and fragile; some were only one leaf and I had to wait for them to grow roots to be able to plant them. If there is one thing that caring for my plants has taught me is patience. They bloom and grow each at their own pace and require different cares. I love each of them for different reasons and even more once I researched about the type of growth they have and the seasons they can thrive the most on. 

Let me tell you, plants are a lot like people. We are individually crafted, created, hand-picked by God, but we are all different. We grow different, at a different pace, at different rates, with different environments. How beautiful is growth that it doesn’t matter how fast or slow, it eventually shows. You can’t fake it because eventually the outcome of your growth will be demonstrated when you face situations, even when someone looks at you the way that I look at my plants. So, to conclude this entry I want to leave you with 7 things I have learned from plants:

  1. Not all soils are suited for every plant. Everything that can help me grow, might not help you grow. The same soil that can be used for a garden outdoors might not be suitable for plants indoors in a pot. There are certain environments that might prevent your ability to grow and develop effectively. The soil in the outdoors contains more bacteria that can kill indoor plants. What makes other people grow might contaminate you and leave you stagnant. One way to know and discern what environment is hindering your growth can be found in God’s word which gives us general guidelines about places and people to stay away from or build boundaries around. One book I highly suggest is 1 of Corinthians. In 1 of Corinthians 15:33 tells us, “Do not be deceived: ‘Evil company corrupts good habits.’”
  1. Plants come in all shape and sizes and so do people. It doesn’t make you any less beautiful or important. Learn to love the physical person God created you to be. This world has a way of twisting beauty standards and forces us to compare ourselves to others physically to the point of measuring our value by the size of our waist. Don’t fall into the trap of this world and corrupt yourself with unrealistic beauty standards. You are “fearfully and wonderfully made.” There was much thought put into creating you!
  1. Not all plants grow at the same rate neither do people. Don’t compare your growth to others, you’re a different type of plant! If there is one thing I have learned from counseling people and observing “trends” on social media is that this culture has convinced people that growth is a linear path and that everyone should follow the same. I have seen some mature people at 20 and some naive people in their 40’s. Growth is individual and very personal. It most definitely can be very painful overall. 
  1. Plants need roots to be able to be anchored and so do people. What anchors you? I can tell you what anchors me, JESUS. The best comfort I have in life is that whatever I go through I will never have to go through it alone. Even when I don’t have the strength to overcome, I don’t have to do it alone. Even when I feel like my situation won’t change, I don’t have to do it alone. Even when I don’t have the words to express what’s inside of me, I don’t have to be alone. Thank you Jesus!
  1. I cannot treat them the same and expect the same result. Fundamentally they all must be watered, fertilized, pruned, and planted. However, not all will be watered and fertilized at the time. Some can withstand longer times without water, some will need constant care. The same can be applied to people. The bible gives us some many examples on how people were treated differently, with the same fundamental biblical truths about relationships and loving one another, but God handled each differently.
  1. Some things need to be trim, pruned and cut away to be able to grow. Plants actually do not mind being pruned; it doesn’t harm them because this keeps them healthy especially when this is done during growing seasons. Unlike plants, people do mind being pruned away. It’s painful and difficult to remove certain things, or even people that we love from our lives because eventually could affect our spiritual health and possibly prevent us from growing any further. However, like plants this keeps us healthy. Whenever, you feel God leading you to removed dead elements of your life that are hindering your growth I encourage you to look at it from a positive perspective of “this is for my health.” This might not remove the pain and grief that comes along with difficult changes but eventually it could help you accept them and eventually shift your perspective about them. 
  2. If you overwater them, they will die. Sometimes we do a little too much, and instead of doing good it brings more harm. Have you ever been driven so much by fear that your actions were anxiety-driven? You continuously and religiously perform certain actions in hopes to eliminate a negative outcome in the future that was created by your own fears and insecurities. When we operate from this perspective it can do a lot of harm to ourselves and others. Our actions are coming from a place of fear rather than reasoning. When we are anxious or fearful, the cerebral cortex (which gives us reasoning) becomes impaired, and we are not able to make sound decisions for ourselves. Whatever it takes, whatever you do, make sure to leave it in God’s hands

Before I conclude this entry, I wanted to show you guys Lilly (my philodendron plant). She has been with me for 9 months now and she is thriving. I pray that just like Lilly, you’re able to experience growth in your life. I pray that whenever circumstances might seem dead, like the plants I was trying to grow, you never give up on trying over and over again. I pray you learn and that through those difficult seasons you apply the wisdom you earned to continue to move forward. Like always I want to leave you with the following quote for you to mediate on and think about,

“If speaking kindly to plants helps them grow, imagine what speaking kindly to humans can do.”

Unknown

With love, 

Perla 

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Adjust Your Sails

Hey everyone,

School is over! Today was my first day off from Middle School for the next few months. I gotta say as much as the kiddos love to challenge us, working at a Middle School has become my favorite.  Sure High school is fun but there’s just something about working with big kids who still seem like they’re toddlers and getting them ready for a bigger world.  Seeing them graduate definitely made me emotional because I’ve seen how much they’ve grown and I can’t wait for them to fly and reach bigger milestones.  Currently up at the ungodly hour of 12:30am, 30s just hit differently and let me tell y’all staying up late isn’t what it used to be haha. So if you’re up like me at the moment make sure you’re comfy, get some snacks and or a beverage and let’s chat for a bit.

I’m going to be completely honest, the last few weeks have been pretty rough on your girl. I’ve literally been living on a prayer. We all have our highs and we all have our lows, with life being so overwhelmingly packed with work, and my day to day it’s been hard to juggle it all. I’ve found myself exhausted physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Last week a coworker of mine who is one of the biggest blessings in my life noticed how I was. All they have to do is ask, “How are you doing?” and because they have allowed me to be vulnerable it’s hard for me to pretend like I am okay. I talked to them for a little and they gave me pretty great advice and as they hugged me they reminded me to breathe.

It’s funny because I think they are the only ones who as they hug me and I start to cry they remind me to breathe. I never realized that whenever I tried not to cry I would hold my breath, it’s when I’m reminded to breathe that I finally let go of what’s been burdening my heart. I’m so thankful for people like them in my life because I am the type of person that when I’m at work, church, or wherever I keep it professional. But God has a way of placing people who you can lean on in your life.

As I wondered how and what to share I started to take gulps of my now warm coffee. It’s funny but most people don’t like it when their coffee gets cold but because I love Iced coffee I don’t mind it one bit when my coffee cools down. As I started to ponder on this I realized that it’s because I don’t mind adjusting.  I’m not one of those people who has to always have it her way, I’m the type that if there is a twin bed while others get full then I don’t mind because I can adjust.  The flight got delayed 5 hours? Great, I’ll people watch. 

See there are some people who can only have things their way and they find it hard to adjust when things don’t go as planned.  Sure I may worry and maybe overthink it a bit but if there’s one thing I’m going to do is adjust. I read a quote by one of my favorite people Dolly Parton where she says,

“We can not direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.”

Dolly Parton

I began to wonder about the meaning of that quote and by my understanding is that we can’t expect to know what life is going to hit us with but we can adjust how we react and behave with what comes our way. I’m learning that I don’t have a problem with adjusting or adapting, whether it’s about work, projects I’m working on, or life. My issue is when it comes to people.

I’m currently working on how I adjust and adapt to people in my life. When do I adjust to sudden changes in our relationships and when do I adapt? See the more I ask God to show me how to love, forgive, see, speak like Him the more I find myself hit with disappointment, hurt, and questions. With all of my might I try to love and forgive like God but I am not Him, I’m flesh and bone.  Teaching my heart to be okay sometimes takes a while because when I love I love hard. I’m an “all in” kind of woman and I find it hard sometimes to adjust to the boundaries I need to set to protect my heart. I’m learning to have more compassion and understanding but my heart is also hurting and that’s one thing I find hard to adjust to, my heart hurting.

I can not direct the sudden changes that happen around me, I can not direct the feelings I’ve invested or the attachments that I’ve had on those I care for. There are times where I wonder if I can trust myself to open up, If I can trust myself to want something hard enough. I sometimes wonder if that’s why I find so much comfort in my own space, alone because at least when I’m alone I don’t have to adapt or adjust. I can just be still and talk to God. 

Every day I learn that life is a very tricky thing, constantly on the move and constantly changing.  There are days where the sky is clear, days where the clouds threaten a storm, days where it seems like the storm will wreak havoc on my boat, and days filled with rainbows where I’m reminded of His promises. Each day welcoming me to learn, adapt, adjust, evolve, and just be. Each day reminding me not to lean on my own understanding like the word says

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

And lean not on your own understanding; 

In all your ways acknowledge Him,

And He shall direct your paths.”

Proverbs 3:5-6 NKJV

 Every day I learn more and more to let God direct my path and guide me. I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like me before, I don’t know if it’s the fact that I’m writing this at 1:30am that it just seems easier to pour out all of this but I hope you know you’re not alone.  I don’t have all of the answers nor do I pretend to. The only thing I know is that whenever I’m upset, whenever I feel like I can’t even adjust the sails I talk to the one who created the wind.

You see, a year ago God gave me some comforting words that I remembered the other day. “Your only job is to believe, and when you can’t believe, believe even harder.” God didn’t ask me to figure it out, He didn’t ask me to solve all the problems that came my way. He told me to just believe. So for anyone who is having trouble adjusting their sails you’re not alone, some days we just need to let God take the wheel. I hope y’all have a good night and thanks for keeping me company, and letting me ramble.

I started with Dolly so I’ll end with Dolly and leave y’all with this quote;

“The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.”

-Dolly Parton

Until our next unpacking, have a great day my lovelies!

Love Always,

Janny Mari

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