“Don’t Take it Personally”

Hey guys, did I mention in my last post how much I’ve missed you all? How much I’ve missed just writing to y’all? It’s weird because the last two weeks I tried to make time to write but they have been filled with so many things that I think I’ve only had time to eat and sleep. I’d love to hear from you guys, where are you from? How is your day going? Like I mentioned before, you guys can follow me on Instagram @jannymari or even comment below.  Summer is just around the corner and I have a few exciting things planned with family and friends.  Y’all already know, get comfy, tell anyone who’s around you to leave you alone for a lil, and let’s chat for a bit.

I don’t really know where I am going with this topic but I’m sure it’ll come out nicely (hopefully).  “Don’t take it personally,” this coming from someone who does in fact take certain things personally.  I didn’t think I was that type of person because usually most things don’t bother me but as I was talking to a friend of mine she mentioned these four words.  She said “Janny sometimes things happen, people come into our lives for a season. For us to grow, to learn how to let go, to enjoy their company, take things for what they are and live in the moment.”  It didn’t occur to me to just enjoy a moment or person for what it is and who they are. You see she brought it to my attention that when people have good hearts and intentions they only know how to love wholeheartedly.  I had to learn the hard way to be who I am completely but also practice not getting attached.  I know it’s easier said than done but to save us from heartaches and headaches it needs to be done.

I found myself taking many things personally.  Like how dare this person talk about me or treat me so badly when all I’ve done is treat them with care and respect, because if there’s one thing people are going to have is THE AUDACITY. I’ve been learning that the way a person treats you says a lot more about them then you and you know what at the end of the day no one needs to like you. Sounds pretty harsh right? But it’s the truth no one owes you anything, they don’t owe you their love, loyalty, or time.  Coming to terms with that was tough because I didn’t know how to love a person and not become attached to them. I didn’t think I was that type who gets attached but when my friend put it in the sense that we become attached when we care and want to help people to our best abilities and invest our time and feelings.  That was when I realized I get very much attached and took things personally.

This can and does include when we’re talking to someone we may be interested in,  sometimes we think that just because we’re being honest with them that they’ll be honest with us but that isn’t always the case is it? Listen Honey, one thing I have learned is that you are single until you both commit yourselves 100% to only being with each other or that ring is on your finger.  I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, I think I was born in the wrong time period, I love an old fashioned kind of love.  I still very much believe in getting to know each other and becoming friends first because my mother always taught me that marriage is work; some days you won’t like each other, but as long as you have a firm foundation and beautiful friendship then you guys can get through anything. I want that and I’m sure all of you do, I refuse to lower my standards and if something doesn’t work it’s because it wasn’t part of God’s will for my life.  Does it hurt? 10000%. We want to love and be loved and how can we not take it personally when someone doesn’t reciprocate our feelings. We all have different tastes, it’s like me getting mad at someone who doesn’t like ice cream when I don’t like avocado. Same goes for dating if I’m “Ice Cream ” and they’re an “avocado” we’re just not going to like each other and that’s okay because we are allowed to have our own preferences. I’ve met quite a few “avocados” who I thought were my type but in the  end I’ve had to tell them how they’re not the one for me. Now how do I look getting mad at them for wanting avocado and not ice cream, like a whole hypocrite.  Like it’s okay for me not to prefer them but then I feel some type that they don’t want me? That’s why things can not be taken personally.

That includes; at work, home, church, relationships.  As I’m writing this I’m like “Janny Mari, you know for a fact that you are still going to feel some type of way.” You know, I probably will because I’m not perfect but when you take things personally your feelings get hurt. You stay up at night losing sleep going over so many scenarios in your mind. You worry, you doubt, and waste so much energy when you should’ve been letting it go and giving it to God.

Ways that have helped me not take anything personally is putting myself in their shoes; not making excuses for them but trying to understand why they come at me a certain way.  Maybe they’re having a rough day, maybe I’m not who or what they’re mad at but they need to release anger.  It’s not a good feeling when someone takes their emotions out on you but one of us needs to be level headed and guided by God in that moment.  Proverbs 29:11 NIV says “Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.”  I don’t know about you but I don’t want to be considered a hot headed fool and there were many times I’ve had to humble myself because it was better to be calm then to add fire to someone who was already having a rough time. 

Another way to not take it personally is to put up boundaries, let’s be real some people see the boundary and completely overstep it.  These are people who will literally drain the life out of you because they have yet learned to overcome their own problems and traumas. Don’t take it the wrong way, I’m not saying you need to be healed and have it all figured out but there are people who have been hurt so badly that they don’t care who they hurt. They don’t care if they cause misery because that’s all they feel.  I was one that would see someone struggling and would help them as much as I could, I would get attached and they would try to drag me down with their hate and anger. These would be the same people to drag my name through the mud and I would get heartbroken because I would never do that to another person, but you mustn’t take it personally when they refuse the help you offer. At the end of the day you have to put yourself first and take care of your peace.

So from now on we are not taking things personally. Your coworker doesn’t like you and is making your life miserable oh well that’s a reflection of themselves not you. I got upset at work one day because someone did something that I felt would make me look bad and another coworker told me “we know who you are and how hard you work and we also know that person and how they can be so you have nothing to worry about.” That gave me all the peace I needed because I was so upset but she was right and I thank God that my character speaks louder than any action or words someone can say against me. That my work speaks for itself. The person you’re talking to/ are with  ends up not wanting you? It’s a major loss for them, they just made a way for you to meet someone better. Your friend is talking badly about you? Definitely a reflection and lack of confidence and love in themselves. 

So my darlings I leave you with this quote; 

“When you make it a strong habit to not take anything personally, you avoid many upsets in your life.  Your anger, jealousy and envy will disappear, and even your sadness will disappear if you don’t take things personally.” – Miguel Angel Ruiz

Until our next unpacking, have a great day lovelies!

Love Always,

Janny Mari

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“The Climb”

Hey everyone, how is your week going? I was really hoping to get a few posts out to you guys last week and even started one but didn’t have the time to finish.  I wanted to be able to finish the other one but that one can wait. Quick update I don’t know if I mentioned but I did finish seeing the Downton Abbey series and was able to see the movie last Sunday afternoon with a close friend.  It was everything I could’ve hoped for and more; I enjoyed how beautifully written it was and how it brought out such nice emotions.  Are there any movies you guys are looking forward to seeing? The next one I can’t wait to see is Jurassic World Dominion. I don’t know if I mentioned this before but growing up and even now I was absolutely obsessed with Dinosaurs; apart from thinking I was going to grow up being an Egyptologist I also thought I would become a Paleontologist.  So it’s safe to assume I have seen all of the Jurassic Park and Jurassic World movies. I hope this post is finding you well and that you have found a comfy spot cause we’re going to talk for a bit.

I honestly didn’t know what to write about next but I felt like the post I started to write wasn’t meant to be posted today. Today I want to talk to you about something I have finally overcome.  Getting My license.  You might be thinking Dannnngggg girl, you’re almost 30 how do you not have your license? Well you see there’s this thing called “Drivers Anxiety” and when I tell y’all it’s so real! The thought of me failing the test paralized me for years. I was so worried about making mistakes and failing that I didn’t even think of the positive side of just going for it.  So last year I began to try again to drive around. My parents would always try to push me to go for it but physically my thoughts paralized me from trying. I thank God for the people He’s placed in my life because I have this one friend and her name’s Jackie. She’s also the one who made my dream of diving with sharks a reality. Last year she asked me to stay over and we woke up really early and went to the park and we presented the day to God. We prayed and asked God to take control of our thoughts and help us create a list of goals we have set for ourselves.  On that list my priority was my spiritual life first. I wanted to surrender completely to God, to fall in love deeper with Him, and to grow spiritually. I asked Him to refine me and boy when I tell you that one hurt and still does because I am giving Him all of the control to touch every area in my life.  I have cried, have wondered why, have doubted, but through it all have trusted Him to do His will in my life.

My second Priority: getting my license. For most this was probably the easiest thing to accomplish, but for me it was the most terrifying. I had to somehow overcome my thoughts of failure and anxiousness. To convince myself that everything will be okay and that I could do this.  For years I have been paralized by the thought of failing that I didn’t even try to attempt taking my test and you know what after taking it last Wednesday I feel like kicking myself.  Granted it took a lot of prayer to calm my nerves. Hours and hours of practice learning how to get somewhat comfortable on the road and in the car. But you know what after finally going for it I feel so silly, I was petrified of something that took less than 15 minutes for me to do. Do you know how I had to convince myself? I kept praying for God’s peace over me, I kept telling myself that a few minutes of feeling uncomfortable will be worth it. Than a verse came to mind and it was 2 Timothy 2:7 

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”

I must’ve said this verse 20 times over myself until my mind, body, and soul felt at peace. God has not given me the spirit of Fear and yet here I was letting it overcome me and I was tired of letting fear win, that day I was going to show fear the God that I know.

I saw God move in every single moment last Wednesday and knew that because He was with me I would pass. I wasn’t really sure since I made up my mind that even if I failed it would be okay but my goal was just to pass.  When the instructor said I passed I was elated and finally a weight that weighed so heavily over me was lifted.  My only regret is that I didn’t try sooner but God knows everything; maybe I wouldn’t have been ready before.  

There are many things that cause fear in us, I can not and will not judge you for the things that stress you out, hold you back, and may cause fear and anxiety over your life but what I will do is speak a word over your life.  Please learn from me, learn that life isn’t something to figure out. You will have amazing moments of victories but you will also experience failures. It was the failing part that scared me and I had to learn to accept that it was a part of life and very much needed sometimes. 

“A failure is not always a mistake, it may simply be the best one can do under the circumstances. The real mistake is not trying.” – B.F. Skinner

It’s like this is finally the season in my life when I realize that it is okay to struggle, it is okay not to have it all together, it is okay to fail and it is okay to be vulnerable.  It’s okay if you’re not in this season of your life yet but don’t allow yourself to be consumed by fear. There’s a song that comes to mind that I love and I want to share the lyrics with you.

The Climb: Miley Cyrus

I can almost see it 

That dream I’m dreaming

But, there’s a voice inside my head saying

You’ll never reach it

Every step I’m taking

Every move I make feels

Lost with no direction

My faith is shaking

But I, I gotta keep trying

Gotta keep my head held high

There’s always gonna be another mountain

I’m always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be an uphill battle

Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose

Ain’t about how fast I get there

Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side

It’s the climb

The struggles I’m facing

The chances I’m taking

Sometimes might knock me down, but

No, I’m not breaking

I may not know it

But these are the moments, that

I’m gonna remember most, yeah

Just gotta keep going

And I, I gotta be strong

Just keep pushing on, ’cause

There’s always gonna be another mountain

I’m always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be an uphill battle

Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose

Ain’t about how fast I get there

Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side

It’s the climb

Keep on moving, keep climbing

Keep the faith, baby

It’s all about, it’s all about the climb

Keep your faith, keep your faith

This song literally explains everything I feel and have felt in many situations I’ve been through.  I don’t know about y’all but when My friend takes me on a hike we never go the easy route we always take the climb. You may ask why and it’s because most views that are worth seeing require a climb.  If you’re anything like me there are times when you try to go fast uphill to get it over with and then you get tired and need to slow down to catch your breath. You may need to rest for a little bit before continuing and maybe you might be wondering how in the world did you get to this moment and actually agreeing to do this.  There are times you may stumble, times where you may go down the wrong path (which I’ve done no shame in that). Times where I wonder when is it going to end; when am I going to finally see the end. The crazy thing is that every single time we reach the top I instantly forget everything I had to go through to get there. My soreness goes away, I catch my breath, and I’m always so amazed by what I see. 

If you take anything away from today’s post I hope you take away that it’s okay to fail, it’s okay to get scared as long as it doesn’t take over your life, and it is okay to struggle.  It just means that you’re living and trying to figure out life just like the rest of us. Let me remind you that you are brave, you are strong, and you can do anything you set your mind to!

I leave you with this quote from my guy Pooh from Winnie the Pooh;

“Life is a journey to be experienced, not a problem to be solved.” 

Until our next unpacking, have a great day lovelies!

Love Always,

Janny Mari

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“Take Up Space”

Hello Friends,

How is your week going?  Mine is going… well it’s going haha. It’s been interesting to say the least. I’m currently almost done with Downton Abbey guys! I’m on season 6 which is the last season and the movie comes out tomorrow night but I will be celebrating my nephew’s birthday so will have to find time to watch it. Conveniently I couldn’t have started it at a better time; I didn’t have to wait for the seasons to come out, their movie comes out this week, and Netflix is taking the series out on May 31st. So I’m pretty excited that I’m almost done with it.  How have you been? Hopefully well, summer is right around the corner and to my delight we only have 18 more days of school before I can enjoy a couple weeks off before I start summer school with the kiddos.  Like always I do not know how this post will turn out but I hope it encourages you and empowers you to be the best you. Find a comfy spot, a refreshing drink, maybe some yummy snacks, and let’s chat for a bit.

I really pride myself in being open and transparent with you guys.  If you knew how hard it used to be for me to express my feelings, emotions, and thoughts I’m sure you would be surprised. It’s no secret that one of the topics I talk about is body positivity and you guys have given me a safe place to vent and work out feelings I didn’t realize I had.  Today’s topic will deal with feeling like you take up too much space. In my instance I have felt this both Physically because of my weight and Emotionally because of my personality.  Something that I’ve always felt but never thought of saying out loud was the fact that I felt like I took up too much space.  

I was always aware of my size and how I thought it affected others around me. Growing up instead of feeling sorry for myself I felt sorry to others that I took up more room.  I used to always purposely stay after school waiting for my parents to pick me up because it was easier to wait for a ride than to walk down the aisle of the school bus seeing how my peers didn’t want me to sit with them.  I used to try to get to my bus stop earlier so I could find a seat first so I wouldn’t have to worry. You see, middle school and high school were kinda harsh.  Some people would give me that look like “Oh I hope she doesn’t sit with me” and others would just put their book bag on the spot next to them and say they’re saving it for a friend.  Quite a few times the bus was so crowded that we’d have to sit three to a seat and once in a blue someone would have mercy and I’d sit on a little corner of the seat.  

From then on I would try to make myself smaller, try to take up less space wherever I went so I wouldn’t be a bother to anyone and that’s when I figured it would be easier to just get picked up instead of having to worry about finding a seat.  Now don’t go feeling bad for me, I did have a few friends who would defend me on the bus or would make sure I had room because they knew how I felt.  Not all of middle and highschool was awful because I do have some pretty amazing memories and have had great friendships. It’s just the bad really outweighed the good some of the time.  I remember my parents always asking why I would prefer to wait a long time to get picked up than to go on the bus but at the time I didn’t know how to express myself and it was pretty embarrassing.

Don’t even get me started on going on an airplane, the embarrassment alone of seeing people roll their eyes and hope that I wouldn’t sit with them was the worst.  I don’t think people realize that “overweight” people already feel bad but their faces and comments contribute to us feeling even worse. I can’t thank God enough for my mom though because she is truly a momma bear and would do anything to make sure I was comfortable. She would always make sure we were seated next to each other and when I would be too embarrassed to ask, she would ask for a seatbelt extenders for the both of us so I wouldn’t feel singled out.  I don’t share this to make anyone feel bad but to enlighten those that don’t understand why some of us who are overweight have so many things to be insecure about.

2019, the year I started my weightloss journey. I remember when my friend who is also the gym director asked me what was one of the reasons as to why I joined the gym and it took quite a while for me to open up to him and I told him “honestly I just want to fit comfortably in an airplane and anywhere really.” Now I am a thick girl and someone complimented me this week and he said “Janny you are beautiful and thicker than a bowl of oatmeal, and who doesn’t like oatmeal.”  Honestly his comment made my week because what we may be insecure about others truly treasure or like about us. In being a thick woman, sadly that means my ancestors saw it fit that not only will I be blessed with a voluminous bottom, but they thought I would enjoy a matching set of hips and thighs. If I’m being honest those are a few things I’m insecure about, while others would tell me they wish they had what I have I’d just roll my eyes and say saracstically “sure you do.”

 So in 2019 I didn’t know it at the time but the family I was nannying for had accepted a job offer in Kansas and they wanted me to move with them but I couldn’t and found it hard to move away from my family so instead they flew me out to help them with their kids for a few weeks.

When I tell you my first thought was “I have never traveled alone before and this time I didn’t have mom to sit with or ask for a seatbelt extender.” My thoughts were going a mile a minute; “oh Lord how am I going to do this, I hope I don’t get a middle seat, what if I get lost in the airport.” Y’all when I tell you God is so good!  On the first flight I sat in the back with a dear sweet older lady and on the second flight with a really nice young guy who was going to Kansas to visit his family. I had made sure to ask the flight attendants beforehand for the seat belt extender and they were so kind about it.  For the first flight back I sat alone but on the second and last flight back my greatest fear became a reality, I would be stuck in the middle seat between two strangers. I found my seat and the minute the older guy noticed I would be sitting next to him he rolled his eyes and put the armrest down. Already I found myself trying to become smaller and then another guy came and sat next to me. By this point I felt my eyes water and prayed to God that the next two hours went by quickly. To my surprise the other guy noticed how uncomfortable I was and he kept his armrest up.  I apologized if I was squishing him and he reassured me that I was okay and that I wasn’t squishing him at all. Even though the older man seemed bothered, the other man made sure that I was comfortable and said to stop apologizing because everything was okay.

Sadly, there will be people in this world who will take one look at you and make you wish you were smaller but then there will be people who look at you and love you just the way you are.  You may be wondering if I still feel this way and honestly I feel it less than I did before. I’ll tell you why; because for years of trying to make myself smaller and not saying how I was feeling I finally found my voice and my people. The ones who I felt safe enough to be vulnerable enough and to be clear about these topics aside from my parents. Of course, I could talk to my parents about anything and everything but I feel as children we want to shield them from what hurts us because we don’t want them to hurt for us, which is my case. I never want them to worry if im upset or unhappy but as I grow older I realize that they’re our parents. They know when we’re upset and sometimes they can even guess the cause of it but sometimes just like God they wait for us to come to them and talk when we’re ready.  If yours are anything like my mom they might just invite you for a “cup of coffee” and trap you with them until you open up haha.

Two years ago I was talking to one of my closest friends and I actually stayed in her house for about a month and when I tell you we opened up to each other about so many things. Insecurities, doubts, failures, wants, and dreams.  One night we were watching movies and we were sitting really close and she kept noticing I would move a bit and she asked why I would do that and I mentioned I just didn’t want her to feel squished she looked at me and smacked my arm a few times and said “you are gorgeous and I wish I could look like you and be as confident as you.” Thanks to her and a few people that I treasure with all of my heart and soul they have taught me to love myself in ways I didn’t know was possible. They spoke words of affirmations, letting me know that I was so burdened with my insecurities that I didn’t see what made me gorgeous.  I’ve mentioned it many times before but we truly are our own worst enemies.  I allowed my insecurities of being overweight overshadow how I truly looked. I allowed those insecurities to make me want to take up less space so that others wouldn’t be inconvenienced because of me.

My people and being able to fight all of these doubts, worries, and insecurities have allowed me to overcome so many obstacles in my life. I used to think what man would want to be with a woman my size and ladies let me tell you  A LOT of men want us! This isn’t only for the ladies because men we love us some teddy bears too! But back to the ladies, you would be surprised at how many men love thick women.  The men that have wanted to be with me and continue to try to be with me have shown me that size isn’t the issue and let me tell you a lot of men like us voluptuous women, some are either in denial, don’t want to admit it, and others really are brave enough to shoot their shot.  Now I don’t want my skinny queens and thin men feeling some type because I do believe there is someone out there for every one but for today this is my letter to my thick men and women who take up space with their bodies and personalities. You matter, you are loved, and you are wanted.

I dare you to take a moment to look at yourself in that mirror and instead of seeing flaws see your beautiful features. You are never too much of anything for the right person and like my friends tell me all of the time, a real man or woman doesn’t care about the things we think would bother them; if they do then they’re not a real man or woman.  Someone who is for you will find everything about you beautiful, sexy, and charming.  So if someone is making you feel like you are TOO much for them tell them to go find someone who is LESS because I for one refuse to be with someone who doesn’t absolutely adore me for everything I am and for everything I am not.

I am done with trying to make myself smaller because I feel like I take up too much space, heck I am loud, round, and proud.  So I no longer find myself accommodating to them and you shouldn’t either, instead let them accommodate themselves to you. I knew I finally got over this feeling when I was in my friend’s house not too long ago and we were all sitting on her couch.   I was sitting on the couch with a guy friend and I got up for something when another guy friend sat in my spot. The only available spot was in the middle between them, I stared at it and old me almost thought “well just stay standing” new me said “sit in between them I dare you.” So I listened to new me and sat right down in the middle with no care or worry and you know what they moved a bit to make sure I was good and we all sat comfortably and had a great time. 

To many I know you may find this silly but to those that have to overcome these types of insecurities it is a big thing. There needs to come a time where you need to silence that voice in your head telling you “you’re too much and that you take up too much space.”   When that happens simply tell that voice to shut it and Watch me TAKE UP SPACE.

I leave you with this quote I just found that seems to fit this perfectly:

“You aren’t difficult to love. You aren’t too needy or too much.

You’re just not for everyone. And that’s okay. It’s human and

it’s normal. Every person on the planet has parts of who they are

that are unattractive or unacceptable to certain people.

Every person is someone’s idea of hard to love. But each of us

also embody traits and qualities that make us perfect for someone

else. Each of us have struggles and pieces of our story that don’t

frighten certain people and wouldn’t push them away.

Pieces that make us exactly what they’re looking for and

histories that never make them question our lovability

or worth. And that counts for something.

No matter how many people find you difficult to love, there will

always be others who feel like they’ve struck gold. And no matter

how many turn away, I hope you can trust that there’s nothing

wrong with who you are. That your needs are valid.

That you’re inherently lovable and worthy of

relationships that don’t hurt.

You’re not for everyone, and this doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

You’re rare and resilient and have gifts to offer that can’t

be replicated. You know who you are and what you need,

and you shouldn’t ever have to settle for people who love you

poorly. There is better love out there waiting. There are people

better suited to hold your heart. People you haven’t met yet

who will make you forget you ever doubted your value.

People who will laugh when they hear you say you’re difficult

to love. And if you haven’t found them yet, you will

Keep holding out. The love you’re waiting

for, it’s coming.”

•Daniell Koepke

Until our next unpacking, have a great day lovelies!

Love Always,

Janny Mari

P.s For updates on all things One day at a Time with Me follow me on my instagram at: https://www.instagram.com/jannymari/

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“Jireh, You are enough”

*EDIT* I started this post last week but time got the best of me and wasn’t able to finish

Hello My friends,

I know It’s been a while since I posted. How is everyone doing? My last few weeks have been really packed. I feel like I say this all of the time but sometimes I’m even surprised at how busy my weeks get.  It can not go without mention that my beautiful Unnie (Korean for Older sister) Leeyun got married April 31st. It was the most perfect day for the most perfect bride. I had the honor and privilege of being her Maid of Honor and a witness of her marrying her best friend and true love Aaron who I now welcome as my brother. I’m not sure if I mentioned it but the week prior to that we celebrated her Bridal Shower with a Tea Party fit for the queen she is.  Lee, if you’re reading this I absolutely love you and I am beyond blessed to call you Unnie.  Now I don’t know how today’s post will go but isn’t that the beauty of writing, it takes over and becomes its own thing.  Get comfy, take a deep breath and let’s chat for a bit.

Last Thursday I went to a Christian concert with my mom, bro, & his girlfriend. The worship group is called “Elevation Worship” and before you ask yes I did cry, I couldn’t help it! I was a little weary because even though I had heard Steven Furtick preach before I knew others held reservations towards him and my only prayer that night was God I will take the good and if there’s any bad I’ll just leave it. Now because of others voicing their opinions and me not making up my own I had shared that concern with my mom. Why am I bringing this up? Because most of my life I feel like my opinions and thoughts were swayed by certain people I respected and even though I enjoyed some of his preachings I stopped listening because of others comments and such.  At the end of the day the choice of making up your mind or opinions on people & situations should always be up to you. I have learned that everyone has a different perspective and no one should be robbed of how they feel because others want to put their views & perspectives on you. Now, by no means am I endorsing anyone or saying follow this person or that. What I am saying is build a sold foundation in your relationship with God that you can discern and see what is true and what is false. At the end of the day the only thing I do know is that God’s word is truth and life. Not because someone is preaching it but because I believe in God. If something doesn’t add up or sit well in my spirit He will reveal it to me. 

Back to my story; It was such a beautiful night from beginning to end, the worship filled the arena and I was in awe of seeing so many people worship all at once singing as loudly as they can “Jireh, You are ENOUGH.”  Now I’ve heard this song many times before but that night it echoed even louder in my heart. Especially this part of the song:

“Jireh, You are enough

Jireh, You are enough 

I will be content in every circumstance

Jireh, You are enough, 

If He dresses the lilies with beauty and splendor

How much more will He clothe you?

If He watched over every sparrow

How much more does He love you?”

I know this was God reminding me “If I concern myself with the littlest things imagine how much more thought I put into your life.” If the lilies and sparrows don’t worry, why should I? He has everything under His control and I think that we tend to forget that because doubt, worry, and frustration overshadow what He is doing but if we let go of all of those emotions and trust then it’ll be easier to see that He is working for our good.

When he started to preach I was like okay God just tell the world that this is for me but I promise you everyone in that arena probably felt the same way so I won’t be as selfish.  If I’m not mistaken the title of his message was “You’re not what you thought.”  I’ve preached about the woman who bled in the bible many times, I’ve also heard others preach on it but the way he brought it that night had me in tears.  He reminded me of a few things I seem to have forgotten in midst of my trials and battles one of the many points he mentioned that impacted me was:

“My feelings have to submit to My faith”

Boy, when I tell you I felt like God was speaking directly to my heart because I have been submitting my feelings to Him and my faith.  Like I mentioned before this is one of the hardest battles I face because again to deny yourself and carry your cross is hard! It’s hard choosing the higher ground, to choose your faith over your emotions. I have had to tell my emotions daily to submit to my faith because honoring God is more important to me than instant gratification of lashing out or reacting.  When Pastor Steven mentioned that it was like God telling me “Janny Mari,  you’re doing the right thing, even if it’s hard.”  It felt good to know that.

Another point he made was:

“… because she thought, she touched, because she touched she was healed”

Now many of you who read my blog probably aren’t christian and that is perfectly fine. I just don’t want you to be confused as to what I’m mentioning so I will share the biblical portion that Pastor Steven preached on. It is found in Mark 5:25-34 (NIV)

“And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years. She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse. When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, because she thought, “If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.”  Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering.
 At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, “Who touched my clothes?”  “You see the people crowding against you,” his disciples answered, “and yet you can ask, ‘Who touched me?’ “ But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.” 

Because she thought if she could just touch his garment she’d be healed. He went on to talk about the power of our thoughts and how with just a thought we can activate our faith, with just a thought we can change our circumstances.  Our minds have such great power, we can either hype ourselves up and stress out about what we’re going through or choose to think positively and convince ourselves to fight for our blessings.  With just one thought this woman who was tired of bleeding her life away changed her story. Now I’m not telling you just thinking of something and wanting to do something is enough because it’s not. You have to decide, you have to act, come what may, no matter what the crowds are shouting at you no matter what is blocking your way. How badly do you want your miracle? How badly do you want your healing? How badly do you want the narrative of your story to change?  You do know that you and you alone have the power to change it right?

At this point this woman stripped herself of her ego, of her pride, of her shame, of all of the opinions of the people around her and pushed her way through.  To you my friend who is reading this, take it from me that I am learning to strip myself of my pride, ego, doubts, and worries. It isn’t easy but when you become desperate enough to push through the crowd, when you know your healing is within reach it doesn’t matter that people are seeing me cry my heart out in service, it doesn’t matter that they may think I’m crazy for shouting out praise, for declaring victory as I feel defeated because to me my biggest draw back isn’t the crowd it is myself.  If I allow myself to feel defeated then the enemy wins, if I allow comments and opinions to tear me down then the enemy is succeeding, If I allow myself to wallow in self pity then what am I telling God? That He isn’t greater than my problems, that my fears and giants are greater than Him and I for one will not allow that because I know who stands before me and who stands behind me. I know that no matter how much pain I am in, if I can manage to change my thoughts and push myself to believe, then I have already won.  

Another point made was that;

“This woman wasn’t even stepping towards a promise, she was stepping towards a possibility, Now imagine all that God has promised us that we can step towards.”

When I heard him say that I was like God this is so true, she wasn’t even told “Hey, if you touch the hem of my garment you would be healed.” She didn’t have that certainty but what she did have was faith and that is all God is asking from us is to have faith in Him. Isaiah 41:10 says:

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

How beautiful is it that one of His promises is that He is with us and that we shouldn’t fear or worry because He will give us strength and help us.  This woman didn’t have these promises but she did have faith and possibility. Even if something seems impossible this has taught me that no matter what God is always within reach if we want Him badly enough. Some people are just so used to their chains, their addictions, their sufferings that they just accept what comes their way. I don’t want you to just accept what comes your way, I don’t want you to accept defeat. I want you to at least try, to sum up the courage to change your circumstances. Life can be cruel, it may be filled with its droughts and you’re wondering when will it finally rain blessings in my life, when will this season of dryness end. Well let me ask you one thing. What are you doing to prepare for the rain? Are you preparing your life for the blessings you want or are you just waiting for them to fall into your lap? This woman didn’t wait, her desperation didn’t allow her to wait but what she did do is create her own rain, in fact she fought for it. What I am trying to say with this is do not accept defeat so easily put up a good fight and trust in God.

Something  mentioned that really struck a chord with me is that:

“When God doesn’t do something in your life that you thought He would or wanted it’s because He wants to do something bigger than you can even ask for”

That word came to my life when I truly needed it because I have found myself wondering why certain things had to happen the way that they did. Why didn’t the outcome I expected to happen happen? All these feelings and questions and with that simple statement God reminded me that it didn’t happen because it wasn’t His will, it wasn’t His timing, and because He has something bigger and better than I could ever dream of.  Who am I to question God that knows all things and plans everything for my good.  It was like a much needed balm put on a wound in my heart.  Sometimes life doesn’t go as planned, sometimes that person isn’t the one, that job isn’t meant for you. Not because you don’t deserve those things but because what God has for you is so much greater. I am learning to be content in my disappointments because I don’t know what God has planned for me but what I do know is that it will be far much better than what I could ever want or dream for myself.  

There is so much more I can add but then this would become a book instead of a blog post. I just really enjoyed how God ministered to us all that night. Like I said we take the good and if there’s any bad leave it.

I leave you with two quotes that really have impacted me;

“Life doesn’t always turn out how you plan it sometimes, sometimes it turns out better.” – Unknown

“When your life doesn’t go as planned, change your perspective but never stop dreaming.” -Kate Maurice

Until our next unpacking, have a great day lovelies!

Love Always,

Janny Mari

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Expecting the Unexpected

Written by: Michelle Martino

Hi friend! My name is Michelle Martino. I enjoy crafting, writing, reading, and spending time with friends. I grew up in the church, but I met Jesus in a large arena. I have an interest in video productions, but I’m no professional. I’m a Spanish teacher, but I’m not a native speaker. Some things in my life don’t add up at first glance. I believe it’s all evidence of how God uses the unlikely and unqualified for His glory. When I view my circumstances in light of who God is, it all makes sense.

I grew up attending the small baptist church down the hill. The one that has a simple brick exterior, a beautiful white steeple, and a vibrant cherry blossom tree by the back door. I’ve known of Jesus for as long as I can remember, but my personal decision to follow him came much later. 

If you’ve ever heard the Billy Sunday quote “going to church doesn’t make you any more Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car,” you’ll understand what I mean. I spent hours upon hours in those wooden pews. However, I wasn’t making more of an effort to know Jesus personally. I knew the Bible stories in my mind. My heart, though, was unfamiliar with His perfect peace, grace, and compassion.

Despite all the Sunday School classes I attended and hymns I memorized, I personally encountered Jesus in an event arena when I was 14 years old. My youth group ladies and I went to a conference for teenage girls. It was there, in the local civic center, that the Lord spoke to my deepest needs and desires. I heard him tell me that I didn’t have to pursue boy bands to feel significant. I didn’t have to strive to fit in at school. He was and always would accept me. He saw me. Only He could define my value.

The Lord could have easily whispered to me at my church, like we might expect, but instead, He met me in that arena. As someone who was obsessed with concerts at the time, His presence in that place speaks volumes of His character. It amplifies the truth that the Lord will meet us where we’re at, not where we should be or want to be. He pursues us based on where we are now. We simply must be open to listening.

After that day when I surrendered my all to Him, God revealed his plans to me. It took time, but I finally discovered my gifts and passions. My availability, my “yes” to God, unlocked the door I felt was closed off for too long. I thoroughly enjoyed video editing, and by a miracle, I immediately got into the highly demanded course at my school. It was after registration filled and the term started, yet God made a way for me. My teacher quickly recognized my strength and pushed me to reach my potential. From there, I also initiated the video production work at my church, where a team of us projected song lyrics, announcements, and images to the congregation. I now attend a larger church and continue to use my gift to glorify God with technology.

I also realized that I have a gift for languages. I almost effortlessly absorbed vocabulary lists and memorized every grammar formula in my Spanish and Italian courses. I decided I wanted to be a world language teacher because I was good at the learning process. As I took college courses, however, I realized it was so much more about effectively communicating and loving others than having a grammatically perfect sentence. This gift would really become my ministry. Comparison tried to rob me of this opportunity when I was warned that I’d never pass the certification tests and I would never be a good enough teacher. I knew Spanish because I learned it in school; I wasn’t a native speaker like the friends I sat next to in class. By a miracle, I passed those exams on my first attempt and landed my dream job immediately after graduation. My profession has become my ministry field; even if I never mention my faith, I reflect Jesus when I encourage and inspire my students.

If anything, friend, I want you to know that God’s peace and joy far outweigh anything the earth has to offer. Ephesians 3:20a says “Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think” (ESV).  His ways are unpredictable, but God will lead you to and through the unique path he designed for you. God does impossible things in unexpected ways…and I hope you watch with me to see what He does next.

About Me

Michelle’s mission is to support others in discovering and activating God’s perfect joy in all seasons. On her blog, she writes about finding joy in the details and through difficult seasons. The joy of the Lord, not the joy of a happy life, is our strength in this world. Connect with her at ConsiderTheJoy.com. 

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To Know God

By: Braley Veras

Hello everyone, 

My name is Braley Veras; a husband, father to two little munchkins and lead pastor of Evidence of Grace Church NYC. I also love music and truly enjoy writing songs. I am what people would call “a pk” which means a pastor’s kid. I grew up running around the pews, messing up the church bathrooms and learning to play almost every instrument. 

This is awesome because it allowed me to grow with a solid foundation and sound theology but it can also lead you down a path where you rely on your parent’s relationship with God and don’t strive to develop one for you. I quickly learned that God is the good of all but He works with you in ways that are unique and helpful for you. It took certain situations in my life to deconstruct the ideologies I grew up with and realize that God wanted to work with me in a different way. 

We are not in an assembly line where we all get the same thing and yes we are all on the path to salvation but that journey is different for everyone. God is a father, He is a friend, He is a counselor and most important He knows ME. He knows the ins and outs of my thoughts, He has seen the situations that I have gone through and knows what He needs to provide. He takes shape to fit into my situation and let me know I am not alone and guess what…neither are you. 

I want to challenge you to desire to know God for you and not through the experiences of others. I can remember my first year of marriage being a tough one financially. I had a good and stable job and one sunday afternoon while playing basketball with my friends, I tore my achilles tendon. This injury changed my life in so many ways. I couldn’t walk for a while, I was in the middle of school, I lost my job and everything turned upside down. 

I want to give a shoutout to my wife because she held it down, so to my fellas out there….FIND A GOOD WIFE. Guess what, I prayed for a miracle and it did not happen and I questioned everything. As I am going through this journey, God is tugging at my heart and shining a light on deficiencies in my life. I was rushing through life, church and family in order to achieve something temporary. God slowed me down in order to deconstruct my theology and teach a valuable lesson.

There are times where God can take you out of a situation and there are times where God walks you through them. In that moment God was walking me through that moment to reveal to me who He was and how we needed to work for me. That season is now just a scar and some pains here and there but a lesson in God’s faithfulness to me. His grace is there even in moments where I am far. 

  • Braley
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“Find a Smaller Shell”

Hey Guys,

How is your week going so far? Y’all I’ve had quite the weekend and can not wait to tell you all about it! Today’s post may seem different or crazy but bear with me cause I know it’ll make sense by the end of it.  This past weekend was beyond amazing and tiring. Friday night I went to a beautiful service where God did His thing! It was a service to bridge the gap between all denominations and non-denominations that serve and follow Christ. To be able to worship so freely, not caring who was next to you, not caring if you ugly cried, not caring about anything but worshiping God in spirit and truth was just everything I needed and then some.  The funny thing was that I had planned on not going and boy would I have missed one of my biggest blessings. The way God spoke and ministered to my heart and soul truly boosted my spirit; I didn’t know whether I should run, jump, cry, shout out praise, or just relish in His presence.  Now I won’t keep you any longer from what we’re going to talk about today so get comfy, tell people to leave you alone for a few minutes, (Are they gone?) Okay, let’s talk.

A few weeks ago I came across a very interesting tiktok, the person started off by saying “stitch this video with something you would’ve never believed but it’s absolutely true.” Then a video of a woman appeared and she was talking about the process of when a hermit crab outgrows its shell and is on the search for a new one.  In the video she stated that when a hermit crab finds a shell on the beach it sizes it up to see if it’s big enough for it to move in and if it’s too big then it will wait next to it for hours waiting for other hermit crabs to come and check it out. They would be at this for hours and they would line up from biggest to smallest until there was a big enough hermit crab to move into the big shell and they would each leave their shell and move into the next one in line. Y’all already know your girl needed more information because I’m a nerd and I was instantly intrigued by this so I did what any sane person would do and continued to search for more information on hermit crabs.

The best information I was able to find to explain this process was found on this site https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hermit_crab

Shells and shell competition

“As the hermit crab grows in size, it must find a larger shell and abandon the previous one. Several hermit crab species, both terrestrial and marine, have been observed forming a vacancy chain to exchange shells.[9] When an individual crab finds a new empty shell it will leave its own shell and inspect the vacant shell for size. If the shell is found to be too large, the crab goes back to its own shell and then waits by the vacant shell for up to 8 hours. As new crabs arrive they also inspect the shell and, if it is too big, wait with the others, forming a group of up to 20 individuals, holding onto each other in a line from the largest to the smallest crab. As soon as a crab arrives that is the right size for the vacant shell and claims it, leaving its old shell vacant, then all the crabs in the queue swiftly exchange shells in sequence, each one moving up to the next size.”

As I was absorbing all of this information on hermit crabs and their shells I knew there was something deeper to this and it wasn’t until I was talking to a friend of mines and I was telling him about a few things I was going through, I was venting really but that’s beside the point.  So as I was sharing this information with him which surprisingly he also saw a video on hermit crabs and knew what I was rambling about.  I kept telling him that I know there’s something deeper to this and boom it hit me. As someone who’s single I keep getting told that my standards are too high.  For people who know me they joke around and say “Janny you’re too much.”

After getting told this even jokingly most of my life one really starts to wonder if they are actually too much.  What if I’m too loud? What if I’m too silly? What if I’m too smart? What if I speak my mind too much? What if I’m too pretty? (okay that was more for me haha.) You’re too intimidating, Men want this, men want that. Everyone knows you’re that extra friend. “Janny’s here, watch her try to get all of the attention.”

Some days I laugh these comments off and other days I think about these questions and comments a little too much.  Some people wish they were like you and others hate you because of who you are.  Some days I would find myself trying to be quieter, trying to make myself smaller, trying not to call attention to myself because the irony of it all is that more than half the time I don’t want the attention.  Sometimes I wish people would focus a little less on me, I wish they wouldn’t make a huge show when I come in the room because I don’t like the feeling of being told I’m too much. It’s something I battle with because people know the “Janny’s here! Janny’s bubbly, Janny’s loud, Janny obviously wants the attention.” If I’m completely honest I didn’t want to be perceived in that “Ugh she’s too much, she’s extra,” but something my youngest brother told me this past sunday (when I was nervous about wearing this new dress I got because I thought it was too much ) and he looked me in the eyes and said “Janny You are too much why are you scared to BE too much. This is who you are.”  

Something clicked and I thought you know what I can not lessen myself just because I don’t want people to make comments about me. They’ve been making comments all of my life and it’s never stopped me before. I am loud, I am quiet, I love black clothes but I also love pink, I can’t help that I attract the best people and that they love me just the way I am, as much as I don’t want to be the center of attention it’s something that will always happen.  If I find something really funny I laugh until I start to cough, I’m clumsy and sadly that makes everyone around me want to protect me.  If my head wasn’t attached I’d lose it. I’m constantly getting yelled at “your phone is there, your heels are there, don’t forget this or that.”  I’m either super chill or absolutely chaotic, no in between and you know what I am proud of who I am.  

Why do I share all of this? Because if there is anyone out there like me I do not want you feeling like you’re too much for people or this world if anything they’re too little for you.  You are perfect just the way you are.  Some people made me feel like I was an attention seeker while others would tell me “Janny you are you, you can’t help but to be a light in this world, and for that reason people are drawn to you.”  Some people will envy you because you own who you are and they still can’t figure out who they are.  You don’t need anyone who makes you feel like you need to shrink yourself in order to be a part of them.  You just need to shine like the beautiful person you are, be loud, be quiet, be colorful, or wear all dark clothing. You are the only one living your life and making the best memories.  

I truly am sorry if anyones made you feel like you’re too much, who’s made you feel weird or awkward and honestly who wants to be normal anyway that’s boring. If they have ever made you feel badly about yourself then maybe it’s time to rethink who you surround yourself with.  Let’s thank God that we are seasoned and flavored with life, that we are intriguing, unique, and original. That we add color to any room we step in, that people instantly smile when they see us because we make them feel loved and make them laugh.

Oh and before I forget, A note to the men who may have felt threatened by the force of nature that I am, who have been too scared to actually step up, who thought that they could play with my emotions, who aren’t man enough to admit that I’m too much for them to handle. Step aside and allow whoever the man God has for me to come and find me because obviously my shell is too big for you. So (respectfully) go find a smaller shell.

I leave you with this quote,

“You will always be too much of something for someone: too big, too loud, too soft, too edgy.  If you round out your edges, you lose your edge.  Apologize for mistakes. Apologize for unintentionally hurting someone- profusely.  But don’t apologize for being who you are.” – Danielle Laporte 

Until our next unpacking, have a great day lovelies! 

Love Always,

Janny Mari

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“But GOD!”

Hey Guys, 

*EDIT* It’s Tuesday but I started to write this last Friday.

It’s finally Friday! When I tell you it has been quite the week, y’all your girl was going through it! Before I get to that I just wanna add that the writers of “Downton Abbey” are messed up! They got me in my feelings every episode to bring me happiness and crush me all in one episode like what’s up with that. For those of you who don’t keep up with my posts and are wondering “what is she going on about.” Tuesday I shared in my post about how I recently got into watching “Downton Abbey” and let’s just say the writers don’t have any mercy.  Anywho it is such a beautiful day today, how’s the weather like where you’re from? Spring is finally here and hopefully ready to stay because this cold weather has to go.  So grab a snack, some tea or coffee and let’s talk for a bit because today I have a lot to say.

Life’s been kind of a roller coaster lately, filled with twists and unexpected turns. I had mentioned to a friend of mine that I feel like my life is a Netflix series and the writers are figuring out “how can we make her week interesting? Should it be a happy episode, sad, funny? Should we add a plot twist and make it interesting.” I have literally found myself in situations where I say out loud “I can not be making this up? Is this really my life?”  Before you start to think dang what the heck is she going through let me preface by saying that I am beyond grateful for my life. I just think God has an amazing sense of humor.

I genuinely feel that one of life’s greatest battles is with oneself.  Especially as a Christian I’ve found myself saying all the time that “People think that being a Christian is easy and honestly it isn’t.” It’s hard to deny reacting to people and situations the way that you want to.  I have never and never will paint myself as a perfect Christian because I’m not. I get angry, I get frustrated, days when I feel I want to be left alone and unbothered.  I’m not always all smiles and when I feel hurt or upset I become very silent.  You see, my prayer is always “God, if whatever I say is going to hurt them or if it’s a reaction to how I feel, let me bite my tongue.”  That is where it gets hard to be a follower of Christ because it is in our nature to argue and to make people feel as badly as we feel. If we are betrayed we want them to feel betrayed, if they make us jealous we want to make them jealous, if they talk badly about us at work we want to be able to talk badly about them but there is a BUT in all of this; BUT God.  If it  weren’t for His love and mercy I’m telling you I don’t know where I’d be.

The Ego is a very funny thing, it tends to get bruised easily and we feel the need to justify any wrong doing that’s come against us.  Let’s face it, some people have enough Ego to power the world and I’m not going to pretend I’m on some pedestal because we all have some Ego in all of us.  Some let their egos consume them and others as we should try every single day not to feed into it.  That is why I say one of the biggest battles is with oneself because once we feel betrayed  or hurt whether it be by relatives, friends, or coworkers then our flesh wants to come out and act crazy.  I have had the pleasure of going through quite a few moments of betrayal and hurt and I’m not going to lie. I wanted to react, I wanted to argue, I wanted people to know that I knew what was being said and how they were talking about me but God! This week was one of those weeks when you go to your room, lights off, and just ugly cry in the presence of the Lord.  

I hope those of you who follow Christ have a good enough relationship with Him to know that He truly meant what He said when He said, “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28  The minute after I cried and told God everything I was feeling I instantly fell asleep and woke up the next day at 4:11 am.  I remember getting ready to shower and I told God “God I don’t need or want to make anyone feel horribly for what they’ve done and said. Not once have you called me out and said awful things instead you have given me the gift of peace and have allowed peace to grow in me in the midst of this situation.” That whole day I was just grateful for God’s peace, understanding, and love. If that isn’t growth then I don’t know what is.  

You see I can’t preach what I don’t live and I can’t be sincere if I’m not being honest about the ugly sides of life. Like a good friend says all the time “Sometimes I just wish we can ‘Minka maka mooka’ people” which in his words is sometimes we wish we can knock people out and let the flesh take over but because we serve a powerful God we choose to please Him rather than ourselves.  That is the importance of having a prayer life and a good relationship with God because if we didn’t it’d be so much easier to act on our anger and frustration.  Proverbs 14:29 says “He who is slow to wrath has great understanding, But he who is impulsive exalts folly”

We as Christians or even decent human beings can not be so quick with our words or actions.  I have been praying daily that I respond in a way that is out of understanding and not out of a reaction. I pray that I always understand that not everyone is mature enough and some people really just choose violence every day and are just bitter inside.  So we can either choose to react, choose to respond in a better way, but remember not everything needs a response or reaction instead pray about it all. I’m not only saying this to people who believe in God but to everyone just breathe, step away from the person or situation. Take time for yourself and decide what is best for you. As much as our ego wants to be like “mess them up, let them know you know, or hurt them back.” Please choose peace and be thankful that you’re seeing these sides to people because it’s better to know who isn’t for you now than to find out later on. Set your boundaries, I can’t stress how important this is. Not everyone is your best friend and that’s okay there is a quote I saw on instagram that said “ You are the CEO of your life; Hire, Fire, and Promote accordingly.”

Life is ever changing and so are the people around you, it took me a while to learn that it is okay to outgrow people.  Some people are meant as a lesson, some are meant to be with you for a season, and some are meant for a lifetime. Learn what you have to from them, allow yourself to grow with or without them, and take your time in finding your forever people.  I haven’t found all of mine and neither will you but the ones that I have now that I know will continue in my life are amazing people. People who take one look at me and instantly know something is wrong.  People who can make my day with a text or call.  People who have a lot of the same values and characteristics as me. What can I say “Birds of a feather flock together.”  It is because of God, my family, and my tribe that it’s easy to overlook when others wrong me, it is their constant support, and understanding that help me through some pretty tough times.

I wish I could tell you guys it all gets easier but it doesn’t.  These things still hurt and cut you like a fresh wound but God will make all things new in their time.  Trust in Him and know that vengeance is His and He will not leave or forsake you. He is a just God and He will make things right.  Do not allow your feelings to get the best of you.  As I talked to God to let Him know how I was feeling He reminded me about my prayer of wanting to love like Him and He spoke to my heart and said “You want to love like me but you must also receive the hurt that I receive and forgive the way that I forgive.” 

Everything has its reason, its season, and its time and if God is allowing it then it’s for us to grow and learn from it.

I leave you with this quote that has impacted me because my friends are always asking me how my heart hasn’t changed after all of these years.

“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.”

— Iain Thomas

Until our next unpacking, have a great day my lovelies!

Love Always,

Janny Mari

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Personal Life Private, Lifestyle Public:

Hey My Loves,

How are you guys doing this week? Last week was my Spring Break and so I took a break and didn’t post last week. As much as I would like to share how it went, I may have to wait until my next post to write about it.  It’s pouring today and I honestly just wanted to stay home.  At the moment I’m binge watching Downton Abbey.  Years ago there was this huge hype around it but I never really got into it but because of the time I had off I thought why not see what the fuss was about. I honestly didn’t think I’d become so invested in it yet here I am already on season 3 haha.  If there is one thing I haven’t mentioned about myself is that I am a hopeless romantic and I love anything to do with history, books, movies, and shows that took place in that era. Sometimes I think I was born in the wrong generation just because I feel like my heart was made for a different time and I can be quite old fashioned.  So, get comfy and let’s talk for a little.

I’ve been wanting to talk about this for awhile and didn’t know when I’d write about this but about a week ago one of my closest friends sent me a post through instagram that said “I can post on social media all day and still live a life you know nothing about” and she said “I feel like this is you, you post a lot but are so private at the same time.”  So that was kind of my green light to go ahead and talk about this.

As you guys may have noticed I love vlogging, I love to take pictures, videos, and write about my day.  To be honest I don’t know why I started to share about my day and adventures, I just like being able to capture nice moments in my life.  I had mentioned to a friend of mine that I feel like I annoy people with my posts and stories and he was quick to shut that down and said “nah, it’s like your life story on here.” I would’ve never seen it that way if it wasn’t for him so I definitely appreciate him.  Some people choose to use their social media and platforms for many different reasons; I use mine to spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ and to share and document my life. Kind of like an open Diary.

You see, I think people who don’t know me may misunderstand me.  I’m not someone who likes to brag and say this is where I’m going, this is what I have, my life is better. That just isn’t who I am but I do love to share experiences.  I love to share the beauty I experience with others and take them along with me on adventures. Whether it be how pretty my coffee came out, the shapes of the clouds, trying a new Ice cream flavor.  Life should always be filled with adventure no matter how big or small and if I can show others that you can have fun no matter your size, shape, gender, color then my goal is complete.

There were so many things I was afraid to do because I would think “What would people say, would they laugh at me? Would they make fun of me?” If I can be truthful these thoughts happen all of the time and I have to fight them away and overcome them because who cares what others think.  I don’t have time to waste on those thoughts when I can be living my best life.  I grew tired of what ifs and missing out on so many things because I was afraid to try new things.  The minute I threw all of those worries and doubts away was the minute I started to live my life to the fullest.  I started to see life differently and if that can happen with me then it is my hope that it happens to you.  That you see life filled with possibilities, filled with magical moments, and moments of wonder and courage.  That you start to live your life unapologetically YOU. 

I am not someone who feels the need to let the world know when someone has wronged me and calling them out, nor do I feel the need to use my platform to belittle others, or show off.  I hope that those who genuinely know me or want to get to know me know that I just want to share my life with you ‘One day at a time.’  That I can be transparent when I’m going through a rough moment and use it to learn from, heal, grow, and encourage others.  I thrive in keeping my life private because it is special to me.  I don’t need the world knowing that part of me because it is very intimate and valuable to me. So it is important that I keep my Personal life private but my Lifestyle public.  

You may ask yourself why do I feel the need to share my life with others and like I mentioned earlier it’s because I don’t want anyone to doubt like I did. I want you to know that you can have beautiful moments and that you can also encourage others to have their own. I want you to thrive and feel comfortable in your skin and know that it’s okay to enjoy life. I get so many messages saying “ I didn’t know this place existed.  Where are you now?  I want to try that food too.  I want to take pictures there too.  Where do you shop at? How can I be photogenic like you”  When I get messages like that they truly make my day because I don’t post anything selfishly and if I can push someone out of their comfort zone to explore something new then that brings me extreme joy.  I don’t want you stuck feeling like you’re in a fishbowl living the same day over and over again.  I want you to look around, break out of your norm, try new foods, explore new places, get lost for a little, dare to dream of bigger adventures.

I want you to know that it is okay to post about your life but make sure you know where the line is with your personal life and set boundaries because not everyone needs to mind your business. A word of advice given to me by my mother, “There will be people who are for you and there will be people in your life who envy you and only want access to you to speak against you and keep track of you.” It is your choice what and how much you want others to know. There is nothing wrong with keeping personal things to yourself because let’s face it, no one needs to know what plans you’re working on, what moves you’re making, or your love life if you choose not to share it. I can’t complain because I have some of the best people in my life but I won’t lie and say I don’t have people in my life who judge me because I do but I choose peace over arguing or trying to defend myself.  My actions, character, and words will speak louder than the opinions of others and as much as we don’t want someone talking badly about us it’s pretty inevitable whether they truly know you or not. No matter what you do good or bad you will be judged because sadly people don’t have better things to do with their lives. That is why I urge you not to be so willing to share your personal life with too many people because you never know to the core who they are as a person.  Have your select few who you can trust and share your life with because not everyone is a friend, some are just wolves dressed in sheep clothing.  It is sad because I myself as a person want the best for everyone and even though sometimes comments may upset me I just choose to see it as some people are just not happy with their life and they are the only ones who can change it.

My friends, I choose joy, peace, love, and forgiveness daily because I refuse to let the envy or bitterness of others rule how I live my life. Whether people choose to see what I post as a positive or negative it’s up to them.  I hope that my sincerity can be felt in everything I say or post but I have no control over how you or others perceive it. SO please do not apologize or feel guilty for wanting to live a good life and for sharing your joy with others.  You have no idea the happiness I feel in seeing my friends posts whether it’s big or small, exciting or mundane. I’m just grateful to see glimpses of who they are and share in their excitement, share in their victories and sympathize in their tough times

So to the beautiful person who is reading this I encourage you to plan that trip, go away for the weekend and explore a new town or city.  Buy that dress or shirt, post that selfie, please snap a picture of your meal, try that new dessert and let me know how it was, post a video of where you’re exploring because I for one would love to see it. Be you and do you boo because at the end of the day you’re the only one that can tell your story. 

I leave you with this quote from my girl JLo:

“There is no reason to ever be ashamed of where you’re at. Not when you’re doing your best. Not when you’re in your best moment. There’s always gonna be people to tell you no. Or “You can’t.” Or “You shouldn’t.” It’s gonna happen. No matter what anybody says, you just have to still be like, “I’m still doing this. I’m still gonna succeed. I’m still gonna do my best.” Defy the odds. Why not?” – Jennifer Lopez 

Until our next unpacking, have a great day my lovelies!

Love Always,

Janny Mari

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“Lighthouse”

Hello Friends,

It is finally Friday, I don’t know about you but where I live it’s been raining all week. Don’t get me wrong I love the rain but honestly it makes me feel so sleepy and it tempts me to stay home in my sweats instead of getting ready to go to work.  Last post a lot of you were surprised to read the fact that I enjoy Crime shows & Documentaries. Should I share more facts about myself? What else would you guys like to know about me? You can comment here or even follow me on Instagram @Jannymari.  I’d really love to hear from you guys. Now I hope this post finds you well whether it be at home or at work (I promise I won’t tell on you.)  So get cozy and let’s talk for a bit.

I recently read a quote about lighthouses and I want to share it with you, it says:

“I am lighthouse rather than lifeboat. I do not rescue, but instead help others to find their own way to shore, guiding them by my example.” – Unknown 

Reading this quote reminded me of when I visited Cape Cod with one of my closest friends last November.  I remember staring at the lighthouse in awe and being thankful that even though I’m not a fisherman or at sea daily I can appreciate what it does and represents. I had never been so close to a lighthouse before and for those that know me of course I took many pictures with it. I know I know I’m rambling aren’t I? Alright let’s get to it.

This quote impacted me in such a way that it truly made me think and evaluate my past self.  You see Old Janny thought of herself as a lifeboat, I was someone that if I knew you were falling and needed help I’d be there for you. I would exhaust my energy into making sure you were okay.  I can’t tell you the number of times I had lost sleep over worrying about someone else, taking their problems and burdens and making them my own.  I literally made it my business to try to save them, and you want to know what the sad part of this is? It’s that I did things not for my own benefit but out of love, it didn’t matter that I was exhausting myself, that I was staying up late trying to figure out a way to help, or that I myself was falling spiritually, emotionally, and mentally.  

That’s the hard thing about loving hard. We think we can save the world when at the end of the day it’s not our place or job to.  One of my biggest mistakes in life was putting others before me and not setting boundaries sooner. I know it sounds hard but it’s something that as a Giver you need to learn that it’s okay to say no and to not be available because people who are Takers don’t seem to know when to stop taking. Trust me I learned the hard way that sometimes people are only in your life because of what you have to offer and in their minds they think you will always be willing to help.  

The funny thing is that a lifeboat is very useful until it has a hole in it, then if it’s a small hole you might use that lifeboat until the hole gets bigger and you realize that more water is coming inside. Do you think that a person who’s in a lifeboat with a hole in it will save the lifeboat or themselves?  If your answer is “the person will leave the lifeboat” then you are 100% correct.  You see I was the lifeboat and instead of water weighing me down it was my problems and the problems of others.  There came a time when the ones I was helping realized that it would be easier to help themselves than to help me, they didn’t realize that I was drowning, that I was sinking.  

It was a hard lesson to learn but very much needed and from that moment on I realized I wasn’t a lifeboat I was a lighthouse.  God never intended me to save the world and put burdens on myself that should only be given to Him. I’m not God, I can’t save anyone, I can only guide them to the One who truly saves.  Last year a close friend of mine was going through a very tough situation and after our phone call I felt so burdened.  I had trouble sleeping that night and I noticed that for a brief moment “Janny the Lifeboat” wanted to come out. All I could think of was “How could I help them, this is a tough situation, how can I make it better.” Even as I was on my way to work I felt such a heaviness in my heart and felt myself on the verge of tears. It wasn’t until I cried out to God and told Him that I couldn’t do this that He spoke to me and said “It was never your burden to take. It’s not your job to fix it, it’s mine so give it all to me.”  The relief I felt in that moment was everything. I could finally breathe and knew that God was right, I can be a shoulder to lean on, I can hear people out and help them to my best ability, but I can not save them.

I know that as caretakers we think we can save the world but it’s not our job to it’s God’s and last I checked He sent His only Son just for that job.  

John 3:16 says:

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”

So who are we to try to take over God’s job?  I don’t know about you but God didn’t say to me “Hey Janny Mari I need help saving the world so take all of their burdens and fix it kay? Thanks Bye.”  He has called me to love through it all and to be a light in the midst of this darkness.

 Matthew 5:14-16 says

“You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.”

I am a lighthouse, guiding others when others have seemed to have lost their way.  Do you know how important that job is? I’m not the only one called to do this, we all are. Something that I love about a lighthouse is that it was built to shine no matter the circumstances it finds itself in. It was built to shine in midst of darkness, in midst of the worst storms, and the calmest of days.  You may ask where am I going with this and honestly I just want you to know that you we were made to withstand all of your trials and tribulations.  I’m not saying it won’t be hard what I’m saying is that God will never allow you to go through something that will ruin you or dull your light.

John 16:33

“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”

A beautiful promise to hold on to that even though the world is full of hardships He has overcome them all and with Him we can overcome them as well.

There are days when I don’t feel like much of a light and I thank God for the people who He has placed into my life. This weekend two of my friends [well they’re more like family] they came down and on our way to the store they spoke life into me. I don’t need compliments, I don’t look for validation but God used these two to fill me up with joy and peace. As much as you guys may think I’m strong and don’t need anyone to lean on that’s not the case all of the time. Sometimes I enjoy not having to be strong, I enjoy being vulnerable and open with a select few who also understand. I am very blessed to have these two people in my life who I’ve had the privilege of seeing them grow and make a name for themselves.  They said so many beautiful things to me and I just want them to know that as much as they love me I truly love them.

For those of you who seem to always be the strong ones remember, there is more than one lighthouse and it’s okay if you’re too tired to shine sometimes because that allows others to shine for you when you need it the most.  I am blessed to have beautiful, strong, amazing lighthouses in my life. We do not envy each other for our light instead we understand what it took for us to shine in our life and appreciate on another for it. 

My question to you is “in your life at this very moment are you a lifeboat or a lighthouse? ” I can’t answer this question for you, only you can.  Only you can choose what you allow yourself to be as in others lives and as you have read from my experience it has been exhausting trying to be a lifeboat.  It is my hope that you have also come to this realization and if you haven’t I want you to know that you can still decide whether you allow yourself to sink or shine.  I usually don’t advise people to be selfish but in circumstances like this you need to.  The only one who you will live with for your entire life is yourself and you need to know that you are worth more than someone’s transportation to safe ground. You deserve to shine bright, to lead, to help when you can and to pray and give it to God when you can’t.

I wish I could say there will never be darkness and tough times in your life but I’d love to remind you that light shines the brightest in darkness just look at the stars and the Moon. As much as we would like to avoid it, what really says something about a person’s character is how bright they shine even when they are given every reason not to.

I leave you guys with this beautiful quote I read:

“If light is in your heart, you will find your way home.” Rumi

So my beautiful friends, allow yourself to accept that darkness is a part of your life but do not let it consume the light that is within you. It is okay to choose to be a lighthouse and if anyone asks tell them I gave you full permission to choose yourself first and if you are able to help than you may but prioritize your life and your boundaries.

Until our next unpacking, have a great day my lovelies!

Love Always,

Janny Mari

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