More Than Worth It:

Words that I was told last year that have impacted me more than I thought they would.  As you guys know by now I try to be as open and transparent as possible.  I’m a very public and private person. As confusing as that statement may be, it explains me pretty well. I love to take pictures and videos of places I’m visiting or food I’m trying. I like being able to bring you guys along with me in my adventures and life but aside from watching and reading my posts most don’t know who I am as a person because I only allow others to know me to a certain extent.  Aside from that I don’t write or post anything too personal because I like my privacy. I’ve been told that even though I am very open I’m also very reserved and honestly it’s true. It’s hard for me to open up and be completely vulnerable with someone.  I’ve gone through my share of disappointments, heartaches, and letdowns.

I’ve also received my share of advice through the years, but for some reason when I was at a low moment in my life and I heard the words “Trust me, you’re more than worth it”  it woke something in me that was asleep for a long time.  Sometimes as People we tend to invest all of our emotions into someone who really isn’t worth it. We overlook moments of sadness, we overlook their indifference, we overlook everything else just because we have strong feelings for them.  As I was talking to a friend last night I told her “I never thought I’d lower my standards and now looking back that’s exactly what I did.”  I overlooked so many things because of how I felt in small moments and at times I felt that I wasn’t worth it, I felt alone, at times I felt invisible.  No Woman or Man should feel like that and I’m not saying that this person is awful or anything but sometimes the signs are there but we overlook things because our hearts tell us differently.

“Follow your heart” can be a very deceiving statement because when you are led by just your heart, mistakes are made and you are bound to get hurt if you’re not careful.  The bible also mentions the importance of not being led by your heart and guarding it.

Jeremiah 17:9 “The heart is deceitful above all things  and beyond cure. Who can understand it?”  Proverbs 4:23 “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” 

It’s hard to understand why it matters so much but once you get hurt it all makes sense.

Through the many years of my life I can honestly say that there are many cons to just following your heart, there are also cons to just following your mind. When I allowed myself to be led by my heart it was like all common sense left the building. When I allowed myself to be led by my mind all of my walls were built and no one was allowed in. I have a feeling that falling in love takes a lot of both mind and heart.  Your heart allows you to feel everything amazing; it is forgiving, it is willing to make things work and your mind tries to work through all of your emotions; tries to make sense of what you’re feeling and thinks about the logistics of it all.  

Growing up we’re told that if you feel butterflies and are nervous around that person then they must be the one, but as I get older I realize that isn’t the case. Sure you’re allowed to feel however you want being near or thinking about the person you like but I’ve learned that when you truly like someone they bring this peace when they’re with you.  You suddenly don’t feel nervous, you feel comfort.  This person that you’re wondering if they’re worth it should feel like home to you. Someone you can be yourself with, someone who you can tell your insecurities to and they reassure you that you shouldn’t feel that way. Someone who makes you a little uncomfortable because they’re not scared of discussing anything with you. I’ll admit it, I’m not the easiest person to deal with. I’ve been through a lot of hurt and betrayal in the past so to open up to someone with my feelings is well lets just say I’d rather look for a needle in the haystack.  What hadn’t occurred to me is what if that needle would come looking for me? Would I be ready to open up? Would I be willing to get vulnerable with someone again? I ask myself these questions and I write them here because somehow it’s easier to share all of this with you all than to just keep it to myself.  

We live in such a time that it’s easier to leave someone for what appears to be shiny rather than to try to make things work. A time where ‘I love You’  is said so often that it has lost its meaning.  Back then those three words used to hold so much weight, people really had to think and ask themselves if they were ready to say them and now you hear it so often. Maybe I am an old soul, maybe I was born in the wrong time period. This generation moves so quickly from one person to another that they never get to truly get to know each other.  What’s so wrong with taking things slow in this fast paced world? How come no one writes love letters anymore? Why don’t we remind each other about the little things we love about the other person. 

Love at the end of the day isn’t a fairytale, it can be beautiful don’t get me wrong but it takes more work than some are willing to put into it.  In my 29 years of life I’ve seen many different sides of love, I’ve seen the bad, the ugly, the brokenness, rarely have I seen the beautiful, the uncomplicated, the timeless love. I’ve asked many people if they were happy with the person they married and to my surprise many aren’t. Many are just used to them, or are comfortable, a few feel stuck, but rarely did I hear they are in love with their partner. Well that is until one day I asked someone from work if she was in love with her husband seeing as they’ve been together for over 20 years I believe. One look at her face told me more than the following words that came out of her mouth. She paused and smiled and said, “Janny, I am completely in love with my husband, he is my best friend, he’s given me a beautiful life and beautiful children. When I get out of work I look forward to going home and being with him. We go on our walks and talk about our day. We aren’t perfect, no marriage is but each day we make the effort to make it work, overlook our differences, and rejoice in the life we’ve built together.” As she continued on talking I couldn’t help but think, this is the one story I needed after witnessing and hearing so many awful things about love and marriage.  Love isn’t effortless, it takes work, it takes patience, and lots and lots of forgiveness. 

As I reflected on how beautiful God intended marriage to be and the verses found in: 

1 Corinthians 13:4-7:  “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

 Love isn’t the effort of only one person but of two, if your view on love is negative it will be negative, but if it is viewed positively then it will persevere. You just have to be willing to work through the good, the bad, and the ugly.

With all of this being said, if you are waiting for the right one then continue to wait, don’t settle for anything less than what you absolutely deserve. If you’re currently going through a rough patch with your person, step back and try to remember the reasons why you fell in love with them in the first place and see if it is worth fixing. If you’re with someone and you feel that the love isn’t there and there’s nothing you can do to fix it, talk to them, see if they feel the same, and if they don’t then you have to decide if you’re willing to put up with it. It’s okay to walk away from something that didn’t work no matter how hard you tried. At the end of the day the decision is up to you. 

But remember one thing, You Are More Than Worth It, Trust me,

Love always,

Janny Mari