Just Keep Swimming:

Just Keep Swimming:

Hello Friends hope this finds you well; this morning was very icy and slippery out. I hope those that have to drive or work in this condition stay warm and safe. I must admit for a second I didn’t expect that walking into work would turn into a game of slip and slide. Thankfully I had not fallen cause your girl was definitely going to head back home and get into bed with some hot cocoa.  Today’s topic I’m sure will resonate with a few of you seeing as it touched me deeply. So before you continue reading have you taken a moment to yourself? If not, I want you to stop what you’re doing and take a full minute to breathe deeply in and out. Feeling a little better? Good now we can continue.

The other day as I was taking a moment to read the bible I came across a few verses that made me stop and reflect. These verses are found in:

[Philippians 4:6-7]

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

I don’t know about you guys but as much as I don’t like to admit it I get very anxious.  There are days when I’m already laying in bed, everything is dark and the only thing I can hear is my fan and my loud anxious thoughts.  I can go on and on about how you should just trust God and not worry about anything but I have to be honest with you and myself. There are nights when all I do is worry and wonder, “how can I organize my life to be better? How can I get a handle on all of these bills and responsibilities? What’s going to happen in the future? How do I deal with situations that come up on my day to day? How can I be strong and lead others if I myself need help?” and don’t get me started on insecurities and doubts!

Why am I sharing this with you all? Because I get it, life isn’t easy! Some days get the worst of us and then there are days you feel like you’ve fallen and life just keeps kicking you down. You might be saying “Janny, it’s easy for you to preach all of this but you don’t get how hard it’s been.” I get it I do, you feel like you’re drowning, you feel like your thoughts get so loud you can’t even think, sometimes it’s hard to stay still and breathe. There’s a reason why God tells us to not be anxious for anything but in everything by prayer and supplication and thanksgiving ask Him and let Him know what you need.  You see we hold on to more than what we should; why don’t you try to give your burdens and worries to God? He’s literally waiting for you to surrender everything to Him yet we hold on to these things as if our life depended on it. As I continued to meditate on these verses I realized that what God wants is a simple transaction. He wants you to give Him your worries, anxious thoughts, and doubts so that you can have room to receive His peace, strength, and understanding. I’ve noticed that in the moments where I just can’t any more and I cry out to God I feel an instant relief because I know that even in my brokenness God hears me.

Psalms 51:17 says:

“The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,
A broken and a contrite heart—
These, O God, You will not despise.

There’s a relief in knowing that it’s okay not to be okay, that I don’t have to have it all together,  that my life doesn’t have to be perfect, and I don’t have to be strong all the time. Knowing that even in that state God is still there no matter what.

I started this blog as a way of sharing my life and adventures with you all but the more I write the more I realize I’m actually taking you on a journey of discovering who I am and in the process healing from things and emotions I’ve buried deeply.  I am more than aware how closed off and guarded I can be but as I’ve always mentioned I want to be honest and transparent with you all. My life may appear perfect and quite a few people have mentioned that I live such a happy life without worries, that really isn’t the case. I’m not perfect, I make mistakes, I get angry, I can be dramatic, loud, extra. But I can also be quiet, reserved, and to myself.  For those that truly know me know that I am easily content with being alone and in silence. I don’t regard myself as the holiest person or above anyone because I know in some shape or form I sin whether it be with my thoughts or actions. I share this with y’all because I don’t want you to look at me as a perfect person instead look at me as an imperfect person loved by a perfect God. 

Sometimes I ask myself “Janny, why do you post so much?” and honestly I’d like to think that if others can see that there is joy to be found in even the littlest things then maybe they would see their life differently.  Maybe they would see that no matter how bad life can get there are moments worth cherishing. Whether it be seeing a Sunset with lots of purples and pinks. Or waking up extra early to drink your coffee or tea in peace.  Maybe you find joy in going to the spa or getting a mani or pedi. Maybe you like working on your car or fishing. So as much as you may get anxious and doubt yourself, fill your days with moments that bring you peace and joy.

Remember, as crippling and paralyzing as anxiety can be, do not allow it to overtake your life.  You are more than your trauma, more than your pain, more than depression, and more than your suicidal thoughts. You are beautiful, kind, caring, exciting, and loved!

I leave you with this reminder from a beautiful friend of mine named Dory. One of my favorite quotes from her in Finding Nemo is:

“When life gets you down, you know what you gotta do? Just keep swimming.” — Dory

So my friends, no matter how hard life has been, just keep on swimming. Some currents may be stronger than others but that’s okay; you’ll just become a stronger swimmer and eventually you’ll get to a beautiful place filled with calm waves and beautiful sunsets.

Till our next unpacking, have a great day lovelies!

Love Always,

Janny Mari