My Aunt’s Keeper:

Hey everyone, hope you’re doing well. How was your weekend? Mine was pretty interesting. We had a church women’s conference at the lake Saturday. The Woman giving the conference was just a blessing to be able to learn from. Her theme was “More precious than the pearl.” I’ll try to go more in depth later on about it. Y’all already know, get comfy, your snacks, tell everyone to leave you alone for a bit and let’s chat for awhile.

Today I want to introduce and talk about someone very special to me; My Aunt Iris. As you can tell my Aunt has special needs, honestly everything about my aunt is special and beautiful. As a few of you know my main profession is being an Instructional Paraprofessional for the Special Ed. Department. I’ve grown up with and have dealt with people with special needs, autism, mental disabilities, down syndrome you name it.

Being younger though I didn’t have the knowledge I have now and didn’t recognize what behaviors were. I didn’t understand why one minute my aunt would love me and the next hate me. She would always yell at me because I sat on the floor but praised my brothers. Why’d she laugh with me one second then throw her shoes and try to hit me. For a while I thought she just hated me and growing up I felt like sometimes I had to walk on eggshells because I didn’t want to provoke her. Whenever my Aunt would come for the holidays, birthdays, events I would notice how my parents treated her as if she were a child. I never mentioned this to them but it was clear as day that even though I was their first born daughter I was not THE first daughter. Growing up I knew that Titi (Spanish word for Aunt) Iris was their first daughter.

My aunt is incapable of taking care of herself and has been since she was a child. Her mom Mary, my grandmother, was her first keeper. I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting my grandmother because she passed away when my mother was 12 years old. I want to take this moment to honor her, and those like her who had to struggle to take care of their children with special needs without the help or knowledge we have today. I know that she tried with all of her might to do what was best to provide and even though I do not have the memories, I do have her stories. I’d like to think that being able to grow up with my grandmother Mary I would’ve learned a thing or two about; Courage, Resilience, and Love.

My Aunt is older than my mother by quite a few years and when my Grandma passed my mother was nowhere near the age of taking care of her so she had to go into a group home. She’s been through a few, some not so good and the one that she’s in now she’s been with for many years. I won’t mention the company but I would be wrong not to mention my Aunts Main Keepers. I give thanks for the love and care they provide her. That they make sure she gets the queen treatment she deserves and demands and her Iced Coffees haha.

Back to my Parents though, it has been through them that I have learned to have a powerful voice and stand on being an Advocate for those who are unable to speak for themselves. Since I was about 12 I remember them starting to talk to me about My aunt more in depth, about her behaviors, about her seizures, learning disabilities, and everything you can think of. I started to go to meetings filled with so many people that dealt with different aspects of her daily living. Which ironically now I’m a part of those types of meetings for my students.

The way that my parents look at my aunt is the same way they look at me. It’s hard sometimes for children to see their parents’ love but when I look at how they look at her my heart fills with so much joy and appreciation because I get to see that love from a different perspective. She may be my aunt by blood but she is my sister by choice. We argue and fight, well let me be honest I argue and fight with her and she always wins and gets the last say haha.

As a person with family and friends with special needs and an advocate for them I tell you that this is my life’s mission. Aside from serving and Sharing God’s word. I write this in dedication to Parents who may be struggling taking care of their children or loved ones. Do not feel like your failing them, this isn’t easy to deal with. Some days you’ll feel like you’re finally moving forward and other days it’ll feel like you have no idea what you’re doing. You are doing the best you can do and it’s okay when you just need a little break.

To those who are siblings, it may seem unfair, it may be difficult, it may be embarrassing when they have a behavior and strangers look at you weird. Trust me I’ve had my share of it but instead of embarrassment I felt anger and frustration because behaviors are something they can’t control. But others can control the way they react to them.

This one time I was working at a daycare and we had a family visiting. Their son ran into our little playground and he was about 15 years old. Clearly he had special needs. I could see the distress as the family ran out and tried to bring him out of our castle. I calmly asked my coworkers to bring the students in as I stayed with the family and talked to their son. The mother began crying and the father kept apologizing and all I could do was reassure her that everything was okay. I could see that his siblings were embarrassed and I told them there was no need for all of that. I told them that I know what it’s like and that there was no judgment on my end. She hugged me and said that she appreciated my words. She was worried but I told her that I know it’s not easy to watch others judge your family because of behaviors they can’t control.

When I got home I remember crying and thinking about my Aunt, hoping that when she was out and about that no one would judge her behaviors. As I write this I can’t help but cry because she is one of the lucky ones. I know others aren’t treated as well and are unable to say so.

So please, if you are not a part of this world and you see someone having a behavior or doing what is normal to them, or even something they can not control; do not sneer, judge, or ridicule them. We also don’t need to make their families feel bad because of it. So do me a favor the reaction you may have thought of having don’t have it. Instead choose to be a decent human being. It’s hard for those with special needs but it’s also hard for their families. Remember that.

It was through my parents that I learned true love and compassion. What it is to have patience and treat someone older than you as a child without degrading them. It was through them that I learned how to get on their level, to see them, to hear them, to love them, and to protect them.

To the company that is her keeper 24/7 and in charge of her daily living, Thank you. If I’m anything like her then I know she is not easy but I’m still very grateful for you all and appreciate your hard work. To family members who I know check-in and send her things thank you.

To my mom; thank you for taking up a job that you weren’t fully trained or ready for. For the sacrifices you have made and for the love and care you give not only to her but your clients.

To my dad; thank you for stepping up to help alongside mom in taking care of titi. For being a force of nature to deal with if someone messes anything up or doesn’t do what they’re supposed to for her. For loving her as a daughter even though I know for a fact that I’m the favorite.

To my Aunt Iris, thank you for throwing shoes at me growing up, Cursing me out during OUR birthday weeks, but also for the laughs and girl talks. Oh and I’d like to take this moment in declaring that even though YOU wear the Crown I’M obviously the queen and I’ll fight you any day of this week! (I am not one to condone violence but as you can see we have been at war for a long time.) With all of that said to My Aunt and Older Sister, I love you with all of my heart.

I didn’t know it then but now I know, every moment in my life, every lesson my parents have taught me, was to train me for the day when I have to become My Aunt’s Keeper.

I leave you with this quote;

“You are now in a secret world. You’ll see things you never imagined: ignorance, rudeness, and discrimination. But you’ll also witness so many everyday miracles, and you’ll know it.” -Geraldine Renton.

Until our next unpacking, have a great day my lovelies!

Love Always,

Janny Mari