Boiling Point

Hello Friends,

How are y’all doing today? I hope you guys had a good weekend. Mine was long since we had Monday off and surprisingly I was able to get a few things on my checklist done. So one of my goals for this year is to be more intentional with my time. To not just aimlessly scroll through social media to pass by time but to grow in all aspects of my life. Whether its; Spiritual, Financial, Physical/ Health, Mental, Emotional, Habits, and Hobbies. I just have this overwhelming sense of gratitude towards God for giving me the strength and breath to live this life I’m living. We only get one life guys and I’m at the point where I truly want to live my best life, where not only am I getting the best from it but giving my best to it. I want to be able to stand in front of God and say I did the best with what you gave me. I don’t want to live a life full of regrets, I want to live one where even if I tried and failed I can at least say I tried. Where I can experience things I’ve never experienced before. Hear languages I’ve never heard, see places I’ve never seen, love as much as I can love, and learn from pain and disappointment.

I didn’t intend to write as much for my first paragraph but I guess you can say that I’m feeling excited about the possibilities and opportunities this new year may bring. So y’all already know get comfortable, grab a snack, and let’s chat for a bit.

The topic for today’s blog came from a conversation I had with my mom and friend (more like sister).  We have started to meet every week to discuss all things related to life and Jesus.  I can’t remember what exactly brought this to my mind but as we spoke I remembered a quote I read; 

“The same boiling water that softens the potato, hardens the egg. It’s what you’re made of. Not the circumstances.”- Unknown

There’s a few points I want to talk about with this quote;

  1. We are all not the same
  2. We all have different Outcomes 
  3. We all have a boiling point

As much as I want to be able to relate to all of you I can’t. I can only speak about my life, my memories, my past, my hopes, my dreams. What keeps me up at night may not keep you up. What hurts my feelings may not hurt yours. My disappointments may not be yours, my fears and worries can be completely different from what scares or worries you. I may have not gone through what you have, or have overcome what you have. Some of you may be sweet, others may be blunt, some understanding, others judgemental, some may be forgiving, and others vengeful. I strongly believe that what we go through in life shapes our views, opinions, perspectives, and lifestyle.

Something I truly believe in is that we are all dealt with cards, some good, some okay, and some awful but it is up to us on how we want to play them. I have met many different characters in my life; family, friends, coworkers, and acquaintances. Many different personalities have me wondering how they can be so positive after experiencing the worst. Some who make me wonder why can’t they just see that there is good in life, and some who I wish I can push to their full potential.

Where has life brought you? How has life shaped you? Have you chosen to accept what it’s dealt to you or are you pushing the walls of your comfort zone? Before we can answer these questions there’s one question I want us all to think about. Am I an egg or am I a potato? Do I need to harden or do I need to soften? You may be wondering where I am going with all of this and I’ll tell ya.

In my 30 years of life I can say I’m both, there are moments in my life where I’m too hard like the potato and too soft like the egg. In the moments where I’m like the potato I can be too “hard,” guarded, and reserved.  I didn’t realize this till much later in my life but with my resting face I can come across as angry or cold all the while I could be thinking of coffee or needing a nap. Now an interesting thing about Potatoes is that they grow in the dirt and in a dark place. If I ask if many can relate to a potato I’m sure some will say that they know what it feels like to grow up in the dirt and dark. Most of the people who I’ve talked to have grown up or have come from families who were “dirt poor” where their experiences were not filled with sunshine and rainbows. Instead it was filled with darkness and troubles. With not seeing the good in life but always getting the worst. I may not know what you have gone through, or have experienced a third of what you had to survive through but I understand that it can be very easy to view this world as unfair and brutal. Where you wish to experience the sweetness of life but all you have is a bitter taste of it. 

I can also say I relate to the egg where on the outside it appears strong but very fragile on the inside. That sentence alone proves to me that I am growing because 2 years ago I would’ve never wanted anyone to think of me as fragile but I have to be honest with myself. The same way I can be as strong and hard as a potato is the same way I can be fragile and soft like an egg. Similar to where the potato grows, the egg grows inside of a dark place as well. The difference is that it comes from a place of warmth and life. 

Something that I find interesting as well is the retrieval process of these two things. For a potato you have to dig deep and pull from the roots while the egg is used to an environment of being coddled and protected where to retrieve it you have to be gentle. These two things experience different growth processes and each are handled differently.  The same way we all have seen people who were born from darkness rise to be their best selves and people who were born from warmth and having all they can need and choose darkness. I have also seen those born from darkness choose darkness and those who were born from a good family and chose to be good people.

That leads me to my last point, our boiling point. There comes a time in life where we all reach a boiling point and for all of us it gives us a different outcome, as you boil you may either soften like a potato or harden like an egg. For many of us this boiling point is needed because you may be so hard on yourself and others that life needs you to soften you up a bit or you’re too soft and life needs to make you tougher. Either you’re too proud and you need to be humbled or too sensitive and need to become stronger. At the end of the day life may play a big role on who you are as a person but you have a say on whether you will let it mold you as a person and your outlook. At the end of the day you have a say whether your boiling point is your breaking point or what makes you better.  You can determine whether you will crack under pressure or thrive in your circumstances.

You can’t choose where you’re born from, what family you were given, what life throws your way but you can choose the outcome. You can choose the path you want to follow and the choices you make.  I know life probably hasn’t been kind to you but you deserve to be loved and love, you deserve happiness, joy, peace. You deserve to see your dreams and goals become a reality. Stop thinking you’re out of reach and start thinking that you are within grasp of what you want.  Do not let what life has done dictate what you’re worth or capable of because darlin the sky’s the limit. 

I’ll leave y’all with this quote;

“Sometimes you get what you want. Other times, you get a lesson in patience, timing, alignment, empathy, compassion, faith, perseverance, resilience, humility, trust, meaning, awareness, resistance, purpose, clarity, grief, beauty and life. Either way, you win.” – Brianna Wiest

Until our next unpacking, have a great day my lovelies!

Love Always,

Janny Mari

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Speak Life

Hello my beautiful friends,

How is your week going? Mine is going pretty well. I’m looking forward to next month because we get a small break and if I’m honest I really miss our winter break. Once January hits things always seem to be going at a fast pace. Getting back into a routine, creating new ones, and the excitement of new beginnings. I hope you’re doing well, that you’re taking a moment to pause and to find time to enjoy the little things in your life. Maybe you got a new coffee mug, a new sweater, found your favorite snack, or took time to have a hot bubble bath. I hope that you can find something you enjoy each day and dedicate some time to it. For those who are new, welcome! Let me know where you guys are reading from and how your day is going. If you’d like to keep up with me on a day to day I usually update more on my instagram @Jannymari. Y’all already know, get comfy and let’s chat for a bit. 

Last week during our prayer services in church as I started to pray for my family a portion of the bible came to mind that I’d like to share with you.

Ezekiel 37:1-14

“The hand of the Lord came upon me and brought me out in the Spirit of the Lord, and set me down in the midst of the valley; and it was full of bones. 2 Then He caused me to pass by them all around, and behold, there were very many in the open valley; and indeed they were very dry. 3 And He said to me, “Son of man, can these bones live?” So I answered, “O Lord God, You know.” 4 Again He said to me, “Prophesy to these bones, and say to them, ‘O dry bones, hear the word of the Lord! 5 Thus says the Lord God to these bones: “Surely I will cause breath to enter into you, and you shall live. 6 I will put sinews on you and bring flesh upon you, cover you with skin and put breath in you; and you shall live. Then you shall know that I am the Lord.” ’ ” 7 So I prophesied as I was commanded; and as I prophesied, there was a noise, and suddenly a rattling; and the bones came together, bone to bone. 8 Indeed, as I looked, the sinews and the flesh came upon them, and the skin covered them over; but there was no breath in them. 9 Also He said to me, “Prophesy to the breath, prophesy, son of man, and say to the [a]breath, ‘Thus says the Lord God: “Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe on these slain, that they may live.” ’ ” 10 So I prophesied as He commanded me, and [b]breath came into them, and they lived, and stood upon their feet, an exceedingly great army. 11 Then He said to me, “Son of man, these bones are the whole house of Israel. They indeed say, ‘Our bones are dry, our hope is lost, and we ourselves are cut off!’ 12 Therefore prophesy and say to them, ‘Thus says the Lord God: “Behold, O My people, I will open your graves and cause you to come up from your graves, and bring you into the land of Israel. 13 Then you shall know that I am the Lord, when I have opened your graves, O My people, and brought you up from your graves. 14 I will put My Spirit in you, and you shall live, and I will place you in your own land. Then you shall know that I, the Lord, have spoken it and performed it,” says the Lord.’ ”

As I started to pray I could hear God telling me to Speak life into my family and church. You see there are times where we can’t see how someone is doing or feeling just on their outward appearance.  As I started to pray for my family especially my parents this portion came to mind because I began telling the Lord “God the same way you gave those dry bones in the valley life I pray that you renew my parents bodies, their muscles and anything that is causing them pain. Well what I didn’t expect was for God to Uno reverse it and put it in my hands by saying “If you believe then you must speak life into these bones. Prophesy to these dry bones.”

What impacted me the most was that you can’t only have faith and believe that God will do something you must also act on your faith.

James 2:14-26

“14 What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him? 15 If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, 16 and one of you says to them, “Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,” but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? 17 Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.

18 But someone will say, “You have faith, and I have works.” Show me your faith without [a]your works, and I will show you my faith by [b]my works. 19 You believe that there is one God. You do well. Even the demons believe—and tremble! 20 But do you want to know, O foolish man, that faith without works is [c]dead? 21 Was not Abraham our father justified by works when he offered Isaac his son on the altar? 22 Do you see that faith was working together with his works, and by works faith was made [d]perfect? 23 And the Scripture was fulfilled which says, “Abraham believed God, and it was [e]accounted to him for righteousness.” And he was called the friend of God. 24 You see then that a man is justified by works, and not by faith only.

25 Likewise, was not Rahab the harlot also justified by works when she received the messengers and sent them out another way?

26 For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.”

Faith without Works is dead, it is not enough to believe it but what are we doing to move God with our faith? When Abraham was asked to sacrifice Isaac, Abraham didn’t question God or tell God that it wasn’t fair. He also didn’t ignore God which a lot of us seem to do so but that’s a topic for a different time. No he didn’t question God because He knew that God is His provider and that if He asked him this it was for a reason. 

Sometimes God asks us to do things that make no sense to us but it doesn’t matter what is the reasoning behind what God tells us it’s our actions. To anyone it would be crazy to see a valley full of dry bones and think that they could come back to life. But the first thing that God asked Ezekiel was “Son, do you believe these bones can live?” and Ezekiel responded with “Oh Lord God, You know.” So God asked him to prophesy to the dry bones and say:

 “O dry bones, hear the word of the Lord! Thus says the Lord God to these bones: “Surely I will cause breath to enter into you, and you shall live.  I will put sinews on you and bring flesh upon you, cover you with skin and put breath in you; and you shall live. Then you shall know that I am the Lord.”

Ezekiel did what was asked and prophesied over the dry bones and he instantly heard a noise and started to see flesh go on the bones, muscles, and everything and spoke breathe and life into them and they came to life.

I’m paraphrasing a lot because I don’t want to lose y’alls attention but for those of you who believe and who don’t I just want to speak life into you. Those of you who may feel like there’s no point in living any longer, for those of you who are hurt physically, mentally, spiritually. I believe that you can be renewed and come back to life. I believe that God can do that miracle in your life that you have been waiting for and I know it’s my job to not only believe but act on my faith. 

But and there is a big BUT, you have to do your part. As much as I would like to help you come back to life I need you to believe and also speak life into yourself because there may be a day where I can’t do it, where I won’t have the strength to do it. Speak life into your marriage, into your partner. If you feel like the love isn’t there anymore, that your marriage has gone dry, pray and ask God to strengthen your faith. Don’t get me wrong I know that there are certain situations where some marriages end but If you still have a glimmer of hope, believe, and want to then ask God to breathe life into it. 

Ask God to breathe life into you, your ministry, your friendships. You have to take that step forward and believe something good can happen.  Though you may feel dried out, like you have nothing else to give, I know that there is still life in you, that there is still a purpose for you in this world, and that God’s not done with you.

At the beginning of the year I had this beautiful, full, vibrant plant and let me just say I’m human and forgot to take care of it as I should have. After a while it dried out and seemed like a lost cause. My mother, being as wise as she is, didn’t give up on it and drenched it with water and placed it outside in direct sunlight. After a few days I noticed a leaf after a few weeks it became just as full and vibrant as before. You see sometimes we need a new environment and need exposure to light to come back to life. 

If you have dried out then maybe just maybe you need a new environment and need to surround yourself with those who bring light into your life. With those who see that you are drying out and instead of giving up on you choose to speak life so that you in turn can speak life into others.

I leave you with this quote; 

“Never doubt the power of speaking words of life into another.” – Lysa TerKeurst

Until our next unpacking, have a great day my lovelies!

Love Always,

Janny Mari

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Taking A Step Back:

Hello My beautiful friends, 

I know I feel like I say this every time I write to y’all but it’s been quite a few months for me, filled with growth, realizations, moving from comfort zones, and reaching milestones. I’m going to be completely honest as much as I’ve missed writing to y’all. I’ve just been going through so many emotions and not knowing how I want to communicate it all. I hope you are doing well. I know this is a time that many enjoy like myself but others have a hard time enjoying the holidays whether it be seasonal depression or any other circumstance.  So I do hope you guys are taking care of yourselves and before I forget, Happy New Year everyone!  Now that I have you here, get comfortable, grab a snack, maybe some hot cocoa, and let’s chat for a bit.

There are so many topics I want to talk to you about, so many things I want to share with you but before I can delve into them let’s talk about Taking a step back.  The last 6 months of the year were definitely something else.  I can honestly say that they were filled with character growth and development.  The last 3 months were filled with; contentment, joy,  answered prayers and petitions. The last one ( December) was filled with lots of twists and turns, moments of exhaustion, overstimulation, and a rollercoaster of emotions.  I can’t say it was bad but it was a lot to handle and sometimes when I’m overstimulated I find it easier to just withdraw myself from the crowd and from what I’m feeling. Why am I sharing all of this? Because I want you all to know that not every single month will be or needs to be your best month.  It is okay to have happiness and experience trials, It’s okay to feel joy from answered prayers and also experience the chaos life can present. 

To me emotions are not linear and by that I mean that emotions aren’t some straight line that one can see the beginning and end to. It’s so much more complex than that, and that is something that I’m still trying to figure out. There’s this constant battle between my heart, mind, and emotions. My mind automatically would rather not feel whatever emotion needs to be felt at the time it comes to surface, and my heart wants to feel them but is still having a hard time distinguishing my emotions and if I’m ready to deal with them. I don’t know if I’m making sense but that’s why sometimes I find it hard to write a blog because as honest as I want to be I still have trouble feeling my feelings. That’s where my overstimulation comes into place, sometimes I don’t realize I’m overstimulated but thank God for mothers who have a way of recognizing these signs even if we don’t. Sometimes my mom will look at me or will hear a tone and ask me if I need coffee. It’s her way of saying “hey I know you’re going through something, you probably don’t want to talk about it but maybe after some sips of your favorite coffee you will want to open up.” Sometimes I’m not ready to confront what I’m feeling and other times I say what I feel and start crying and instantly feel better. 

You might ask yourself what is Overstimulation and I found an article that seems to sum it up and enlightened a few things for me. I’ll share a few pieces of the article that liked and I’ll drop the link for it here: https://www.therapywitholivia.com/blog/overstimulation-therapists-5-tips

Overstimulation: What is it? A therapist’s 5 tips of healing from overstimulation

“Highly sensitive people tend to know a lot about overstimulation. We need some time alone, in our own private spaces in order to recharge, process, and collect ourselves after a stressful period, or after overstimulation.

Overstimulation, or sensory overload, is when your senses are just completely overloaded with information, making it difficult (or sometimes near impossible) to fully process the information you are receiving. This type of overstimulation is often seen in what we often call highly sensitive people (or HSP for short).

Overstimulation can come in many forms and can range between mild to severe, depending on the person, the length of “exposure”, or even the type of exposure. This means that there really isn’t a one size fits all when it comes to overstimulation. But, don’t worry, there are some signs of it that you can look out for in yourself and in others.

  • An inability to ignore loud sounds, strong smells, or other sensory information. For example, when there’s a siren outside, you may jump or clasp your hands over your ears.
  • A loss of focus
  • Feeling overwhelmed, agitated, irritable
  • Feelings of anxiety (restlessness, uncontrollable worry, negative thoughts on a cycle)
  • A general sense of discomfort
  • Extreme sensitivity to certain types of textures or  clothing
  • Difficulties with sleeping
  • Even digestive distress, eye strain, heart palpitations, and lightheadedness

For some, overstimulation happens gradually, even without realising it’s happening. And for others, well, it can happen all at once all of a sudden.

I want to give you an example of overstimulation, in order to illustrate how gradual it can be and how “normal” we all think it is.

How can you overcome this experience?

This raises the question, how do we cope with overstimulation in a digital time? And once we’re overstimulated, how can we come back from it? Here are some tips I have for you, as a person who finds herself often overstimulated.

  • Try to limit your screen time. Emphasis on the word try. I know it’s not easy to do this when everything is online, and that cell phone is always so tempting to scroll on, but you have to remember that it is contributing to your overstimulation. A good way to start limiting this is by setting time limits, either on your phone for real or not. When you wake up, try to not immediately reach for your phone, or try to limit screen use for 30 minutes before bed.
  • Find your safe space. And be sure that it’s quiet. Maybe that was a cafe or a library that you can no longer go to, but try to find a replacement at home, or outside. Whether that’s a separate room in your house or a favourite bench in the park, find somewhere that you can go to when it all feels too loud or overwhelming.
  • Listen to your own favourite playlist, podcast, or audiobook. Yes, sounds can cause overstimulation, but listening to something personal and familiar can actually help with soothe.
  • Set boundaries with others and ask for some quiet space alone. If you live with other people, this is a big one. This can be really challenging when you want to be there, support, and help the people that you’re around, but you can’t help anyone else if you’re not okay. This means, let those around you know that you’re not available to talk at the moment, tell your housemate that you need to stay in your room for the evening. It may not feel good in the moment, but trust me when I say it will end up a lot better than putting yourself in danger of overstimulation (remember, irritability? Yeah, not good for relationships)
  • Mindfulness. I know I mention this all the time, so I suggest reading my post about mindfulness here.

I don’t believe it’s that far-fetched to say that we’ve all experienced overstimulation before, but some of us may be at a higher risk of feeling it more often. There is absolutely nothing wrong with becoming overstimulated, in fact, it’s almost to be expected in our modern world; what’s important is knowing the signs and symptoms of overstimulation and how to overcome it.

Overstimulation can sometimes creep up on you, so remember to check in on yourself often — notice how your mind feels, your body feels, what your mood is like. These little check-ins can often help you pinpoint if you’re overstimulated or give you warning signs that something has to change.”

I’m very well known to keep a lot of what I feel or am going through to myself so it was hard to express and put into words what I was feeling let alone understand why I was feeling it. So it is important to find those who know you well enough to know when you need space and know when to push you a little. I can not stress enough the importance of having your tribe, your village, your people. Not anyone you need to impress or feel like you can’t truly be yourself with. It’s important to have a safe space, where you can cry, ask for help, be vulnerable, and not only give love but receive it.

One thing that helps me is being able to pray and talk to God about these things but there are times when I even avoid talking to Him because it’s hard to confront things sometimes. It’s ironic because God is my peace and strength but when I don’t talk to HIm and withdraw myself it ends up hurting me more because I know I need Him especially during these moments. Last month I couldn’t understand how I could experience so much joy and peace and within a matter of weeks feel frustration and disappointment. Instead of going to God about it I just withdrew myself even more and let me just say that I know I may seem to be all put together and look like I have it all figured out but I don’t. I still get scared to confront all of the things that God wants me to confront, to let go of old mindsets and accept new ones and that is exactly what God has been doing with me all year long. 

Don’t get me wrong I have grown so much especially spiritually, mentally and emotionally but to be honest with y’all I need to be honest to myself first. Life is hard! It comes with heartache, disillusionment, disappointment, grief, but it also comes along with joy, peace, love, and happiness. These feelings can be felt separately and simultaneously and that’s kinda where my mind and heart are playing catch up. My mind is trying to understand them and my heart is trying to decide which should be felt first. As a child of God I’m learning more and more everyday we can not let our emotions run us but we must also be okay feeling them and putting them into God’s hands and leaning on His understanding not our own.  

With all of that being said, now I can talk about Taking a step back. Others may think that taking a step back is a bad thing and that we should always move forward but I strongly believe that taking a step back is necessary sometimes. Life can be tough at times and when you pause, breathe, and take a step back you can get a better look at what’s in front of you.  I found myself needing to take a step back towards the end of the year. I just didn’t have the energy to update you guys as much as I wanted to, everytime I would start writing I wasn’t motivated to finish. This break we had from school was exactly what I needed to just spend time with myself, with loved ones, and rest. I needed to take a step back to be able to look at a bigger picture, to feel my feelings, to overcome a few obstacles, and to learn from past lessons. Like I’ve mentioned it’s not easy for me to open up about these things but if I ask you guys to allow yourselves to be open and grow then I must do those things myself. 

I don’t know if any of you feel stuck, feel like you lack motivation, feel overwhelmed, but I exhort you to take that step back. To evaluate what is going on in your life, where you’re headed, and what you would like to accomplish. Let this be your reminder that you can change things you don’t like. You can make those choices that will help you grow. Examine yourself and your emotions, allow them to be what they are but don’t let them run you. I hope you have a great start to your year. My goal is to update y’all more and to share many more adventures.

I leave you with this quote;

“Sometimes in life you need to take a step back and see where all the pieces fall. In time you will see what’s important and what never really was.” 

Until our next unpacking, Have a great day my lovelies!

Love Always,

Janny Mari

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“Live Your Season”

Hey Friends, 

How are you guys? If I’m being honest I’ve really missed writing to y’all! I hope you guys are having a great day and that your day isn’t presented with too many challenges.  Are you guys taking care of yourselves? Are you eating and drinking enough water? I know that for some people like me we love the fall but I know for others it brings sadness because we’ll be experiencing darker and gloomy days.  I hope you’re staying warm on this crisp day and keeping cool if you live in a hotter part of the world.  Grab your favorite drink, switch into some comfy clothes (if you’re at home) and let’s talk for a bit.

I knew I wanted to talk about a certain topic today but I wasn’t sure how I was going to go about it when I read a quote that really put my thoughts into perspective. It says; “I have resolved to live, not just endure, each season of my life.”

Resolved: adjective

  1. firmly determined to do something.

Endure: verb

  1. 1.
    suffer (something painful or difficult) patiently.
    “it seemed impossible that anyone could endure such pain”
  2. Similar: undergo, go through, live through, experience, encounter, cope with, deal with, face, face up to, handle, suffer, tolerate, put up with, brave, bear, withstand, sustain, become reconciled to, reconcile oneself to, become resigned to, get used to, become accustomed to, learn to live with, make the best of, go along with, submit to, accept, support, 

When I read this quote it impacted me because it aligns with everything I have been experiencing.  There is so much I want to share and testify with you guys but I know there will be a time and a place where I will get to do that.  Today I want to speak to you guys about learning to appreciate every season in your life.

I’m going to be completely honest there were so many seasons that I didn’t appreciate, that I wished they were over as soon as they began. Seasons where I felt like I was just trying to endure them and not living them.  I shared the definitions of Resolved and Endure because sometimes we need a reminder that to be able to overcome many obstacles in our life we need to be determined to make the best of them. We need to decide whether we will fight against the current or let it take us wherever it wants; whether we will sink or float.

“To live not just endure”; this phrase called out to me because there are people who just go through life enduring it not living it. To me that means that they just accept what is thrown their way, some go through trauma and hardships and let whatever happens to them determine how miserable they are or will become. You know which types I’m talking about right? The “Glass is always half empty” type. Now by no means do I mean to disregard any of you that may feel that way because life just keeps knocking you down and you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. But what I don’t want is for you to use what lifes thrown at you as an excuse to live miserably and make others miserable because at the end of the day you can decide if whatever you’re going through is going to make you or break you. Maybe you’re wondering how you can see any good in life if all you’ve seen is bad but something my mom always says is “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”

There were plenty of seasons in my life where I was angry, frustrated, ready to give up, hurt, betrayed, confused, and felt lost. So what I’m not going to do is come on here and pretend like I know what you’ve gone through, are going through, and feeling because I can’t. I can’t even imagine what it would be like to walk a mile in your shoes but what I want to challenge you to do is to look through my lens for a moment.

I may see the worst things in life and people but I choose to try to see the good. I said try because y’all I’m not perfect, I get mad and aggravated with people. Sometimes I can’t even stand them and before you gasp and judge me and say “how can you possibly say that” understand that I am human myself. As happy and jolly I may be, I’m not as extroverted as people may think. I mentioned this prior that as bubbly and outgoing as I may seem it depends on the person/group and how much percentage is left on my social battery.  For those that don’t know me as well, they always seem to think that I love being on the go, always doing something, but honestly my favorite thing to do is to lounge around in my pjs and be alone. I love to just be in my room door closed and alone with God and my thoughts. Trust me, sometimes the best company you can have is yourself. 

I know I know I’m mumbling aren’t I? Anywho even though I can get mad, upset, angry and question so many things I always try to see things from others perspectives. Maybe that person who was rude  to you this morning doesn’t think highly of themselves.  Maybe that person bullying you is being bullied themselves. We can not control how people are feeling or reacting to their seasons but we can definitely control our emotions and how we choose to act in ours.

Your season may be filled with drought, maybe you’re not seeing that raise or promotion you know you deserve at work. Maybe you’re not where you thought you would be at this age and you’re wondering what’s wrong with you and why other people’s grass looks so green. I know it seems like life is giving you rotten lemons that you can’t even use for lemonade but what if we just keep holding on? What if we continue to hope for a better day? What if we wait and trust in the Lord?

I am currently living in a season of answered prayers, prayers that I made so many years ago I almost forgot I made them. A season that has made me extremely grateful for my previous ones. Where I can see how God has moved in every moment of my life to get me here. Where I am thankful to God for even the bad ones because they made me stronger to handle whatever comes my way now. I saw a tiktok the other day where a woman was saying something along the lines of  “If you knew that you would get an amazing job after being fired 10 times wouldn’t you be excited every time you got fired because you knew you were closer to getting an amazing job.” Now if I tell you what if God said you need to go through 8 awful seasons first before going though your best season yet wouldn’t you be willing to live and endure them knowing that what you waited for most was on its way? I for one am so grateful that through all of this God has shown me it is possible to go through a storm and find rest. To feel anger and find peace, to feel sadness and experience joy. Just because you are going through a rough patch and disappointment doesn’t mean you can’t overcome it and receive a blessing in the midst of it. He never promised us it would be easy but He does promise to always be with us.

Whatever you may be experiencing, feeling, or trying to overcome I hope that you know that you are not defined by your mistakes, your trauma, or your disappointments. Do not let guilt win, it is okay for you to choose love, peace, and joy. It is okay to Live.

I leave you with these bible verses found in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 NIV

[A Time for Everything]

“There is a time for everything,  and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die,  a time to plant and a time to uproot,  a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,   a time to weep and a time to laugh,  a time to mourn and a time to dance,  a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,  a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,  a time to search and a time to give up,  a time to keep and a time to throw away,  a time to tear and a time to mend,  a time to be silent and a time to speak,  a time to love and a time to hate,  a time for war and a time for peace.”

Until our next unpacking, have a great day my lovelies!

Love Always,

Janny Mari

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“Quiet the Noise”

Hey Guys,

How have you been? Fall is finally here! My favorite season! I can not wait to start baking and doing all of my favorite Fall activities. I do apologize for waiting so long to update but please know that while I missed writing to y’all I have been living quite the interesting life. I know it’s been a long time since I’ve written and updated you guys on life and everything that I’ve been up to but I am going to work harder on posting regularly. For those who haven’t followed me yet on my instagram @jannymari, I’ve been posting “5 minutes At A Time” videos. I’m not sure in which direction today’s post will go but I hope it turns out good. SO y’all already know grab your snacks, get comfy, tell everyone to leave you alone and let’s talk for a bit.

I had to go back and read my last post just to see what I needed to update you guys on and honestly I started to tear up. When I last wrote to y’all I was at a Crossroads and as I read the words I wrote I can’t help but praise God and feel a bit overwhelmed. Not in a bad way but in the way that I am so grateful for how much I’ve grown since that last post. I wasn’t in the best season of my life at the moment because I was mentally and physically exhausted but I can 100% say confidently that I did not end my summer the way I started it. I went to Puerto RIco, had quite the adventures, and have grown in ways I’ve always wanted to but wasn’t sure I’d ever get here.

In my last post I spoke about needing to have tough conversations and set my boundaries the way they should be set. For so long I felt like I was fighting an uphill battle that I was always losing. I felt like I was a failure because I felt like I kept failing the same test over and over again.  At some point I felt myself even getting frustrated because I kept wondering why God kept allowing me to go through the same things over and over again. I wondered when I would finally overcome this battle, this trial, this frustration. Have you ever gone through something like this? Where you wondered why you keep failing in a certain area in your life? Whether it be work, school, relationships, spiritually?

It got to the point where I questioned God and asked Him “what do I need to do to pass this?” Before you say “oh my gosh why is she questioning God” let me be the first to say it is okay to ask God for directions. It’s okay to ask Him to show you where you’re failing, where you’re lacking, and how you can overcome it. He is our Guide, our Counselor, our Help in the midst of confusion and trouble. Whenever you’re lost, don’t be afraid to call out to Him and ask Him to help you. Matthew 11:28 NKJV says: “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

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That is exactly what I did, I sat down in my room; I put on My Big Girl skirt and was ready to confront myself with Him. This was not and will never be easy.  You have to be ready for the good, the bad, and the ugly. To be shown your flaws, to confront your ego and pride. You have to be ready to keep your mouth shut and humble yourself when God starts to tell you a thing or two about yourself. Trust me I try to have weekly sessions with Him where I do this and some sessions are amazing, empowering, while others leave me feeling raw and completely vulnerable. I want to say it was about a month or two ago where I told God “I’m ready to completely give in and admit that I need help getting to the top of the hill.”

I thought that I had already put everything in God’s hands before but it was in that moment where I truly surrendered and said “Your will be done.” It was in that moment of surrender that I finally felt peace. I acknowledged that no matter how I may want to do things He is the only one who knows my path and the decisions I would need to make. It felt like such a heavy burden was lifted and it was. The burden of feeling like I had to do everything and do things perfectly was gone.  I began to desire to spend more time with God and before you start to think that this happened over night it didn’t. 

I had to give up things that were causing distractions and taking time away from God in my life. I started to realize that for me to be able to hear God’s voice I had to quiet the noise of Life. You may ask “what is the noise of life?” and for me that’s everything that has been hindering God’s voice. There could be problems in your relationships, overwhelming amounts of work to get done at school, work, home, the noise of doubts and worry that the enemy throws at you, anything really that takes up too much of your time and leaves you too tired to even pray.

You see, that was my problem, I became so overwhelmed by what I thought I should do and wondering how to do it that it didn’t cross my mind that all I needed to do was ask God to help me handle it and to take over. To lead me to make the right decisions and to wait on His timing, to come to terms that I don’t have everything together and I don’t need to. It was like I was finally able to take a deep breath and breathe.

It’s funny how things come together the minute you stop trying to control the outcome of everything. God put everything in its place, from my spiritual life to the conversations I needed to have, and decisions I was worried about making.  Y’all I was finally able to set the boundaries I’ve been wanting to. I was finally able to put into words how I was feeling and not back down on those words. I’m not saying everything is perfect but there is such a beautiful peace in my life that I know this will be my best season yet. There comes a certain confidence when you become so sure of yourself, what you want, and what you will allow. As mentioned in one of my posts, “The ball is in your court.” You allow what happens and you have a say on how those boundaries are set.

Speaking of that, I actually saw a post about Boundaries today and it read:

“What is a BOUNDARY”

Be aware

Of what is 

Unacceptable and

Normalize saying no.

Do what is best for you

And know that it’s not your

Responsibility to sacrifice

Yourself for others.

I can not stress how important it is to set this boundaries on what is acceptable and what isn’t. I want to remind you that you do not always need to be IN control to TAKE control of your life. Sometimes the best choice you can make is to literally leave it in God’s hands and have Him guide you on what decisions and choices to make because He will work all things in your favor. Even if it doesn’t seem so at the moment.

Now as much as I would like to talk about so many other things that have happened I realize that they will have to be said in other posts. Just remember the noise will always be in our lives and some days it will be so loud we can barely stand it. But you have to learn how to tune it out, listen to God, and to truly listen to how you’re feeling. Today I challenge you to FIND YOUR VOICE and QUIET THE NOISE.

I leave you with this quote I read;

“He who can listen to the music in the midst of the noise can achieve great things.”

Until our next unpacking, have a great day my lovelies!

Love Always,

Janny Mari

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Crossroads:

Hey everyone, 

How has your week been? It’s been interesting to say the least.  I guess my body has been making up for not sleeping so well this summer. It’s also my first week off this summer and just relaxing.  I hope y’all are enjoying your summer and staying cool. I’m not really sure how I want to segue into today’s topic so for those of you who may be already in bed or getting ready for bed; pause your show and let’s chat for a bit.

I’ve been thinking of what to write next and I think, well I know that sometimes it’s easier to just write first and whatever comes out comes out.  So with that being said, I have found myself lately at a crossroads.

To Be At A Crossroads: to be at a stage in your life when you have to make a very important decision (https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/be-at-a-crossroads)

You may wonder what important decisions I may need to make and honestly I’m still trying to work those out myself.  Maybe the reason I’m so tired is because my mind has been racing non stop.  I know that there are certain conversations and decisions that I need to have if I want to move forward. I preach to you guys about having boundaries and yet I have found that there are quite a few I haven’t set firmly in place.

One of the things I hear is that “I’m too nice” I can be but if you knew the flesh I carry you wouldn’t think that. I thank God that I am in church because my flesh isn’t nice, my words at times may come off harsh. I say these things so that you guys can know that I’m human and there are traits in me that I try to submit to God every day.  My face speaks (sometimes with or without my permission) and my mouth says things before my brain can process them. Maybe it’s a defense mechanism or maybe I just need to control them a little more.

You know I’m a bit jealous of how my face reacts to things because it’s genuine, while the words that come out of my mouth are more polished.  Either I say before thinking or I hold back.  I was congratulated on how well I am about speaking about feelings and being in control of my emotions and don’t get me wrong I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. I’ve worked really hard in controlling my emotions, maybe too hard.  I had training today for work and something the trainer said impacted me, “It’s okay to feel your feelings.” I don’t know why I needed that reassurance but my feelings seem to only get more complicated the older I get.

Have any of you ever felt that the minute you feel like you have life figured out all of a sudden something happens that turns it upside down again?  No matter how many times I’ve reminded myself that life isn’t a straight line my brain wants it to be. I’ve questioned myself why I find myself having a hard time having these conversations and one thing seems to pop up; Control. Have I been scared to speak up because I’m scared of losing control of my emotions or of the conversation? Am I worried about what would be said and how I would feel? For someone who tries their best to have their emotions under control the unknown is pretty scary.

The irony of all of this is as I’m having this dilemma I was able to hangout with a friend of mine where I told them about how I was feeling.  We were taking pictures throughout our night and I found myself quite literally on the road.  I sat down for a few minutes and then laid down staring at the sky and the billions of stars that filled it. There was beauty in that moment, a stillness that called me to stay on the road longer but I knew that I couldn’t. You see the danger of being at a crossroad is that if you stay there for too long you may risk getting hit by a car.

I’ve been at this Crossroad for so long that I feel like life is finally hitting me; either I stay stuck or choose to move and decide. It’s funny because when you see the car coming it makes the decision to move quite easy so I can’t get mad that life and God is saying It’s time to finally move..

Having tough conversations isn’t something new to me, I’ve had tough conversations before but it’s how people tend to react that puts me on edge.  You can make the most sense and yet people will find fault in you, they will either be disappointed in you, or treat you as if you’re crazy.  My problem is that because I can be too nice and outgoing boundaries are forgotten and we need to learn that once we set that boundary we have to keep it or else our feelings will get hurt and there will be even more misunderstandings. And this goes for people in relationships, church, work, school, with anyone really. Sometimes no matter how good of a person we want to be we can’t protect everyone’s feelings

Like I said, it’s not even about the conversations that need to be had, the decisions that need to be made, that scare me the most. It’s how hurtful someone can be because of them, because you just want to speak and express how you feel. I know what it’s like to be hurt and disappointed after gathering all the courage you can to speak to someone and have them say you disappoint them. Granted I know sometimes things are said out of anger and frustration but I hope this can bring some awareness to someone who is either on the giving or receiving end of this. How you say something matters, if you want to be heard and seen you can speak up. If someone is having a conversation with you about what they’re going through or how they feel, listen to them without planning out how you’re going to hurt them with your words.

I didn’t realize till now what was paralyzing me from having these tough conversations, from being stuck on this Crossroad, but I also have to realize that no one is the same. Everyone reacts and speaks differently. And so what if they react badly that should never stop you from speaking about matters that are important to you.  You have a voice for a reason, just make sure you’re using it for good. To lift up others, to encourage them, and to push them to be better than before. To free yourself from confusion or feelings you may be harboring. 

If you also find yourself at a crossroads, take time to step away from it, and pray about what you should do and what decision you should make because my right can easily be your left.  The beauty of the Crossroad is that you can go in different directions just make sure the one you’re on is right for you. 

I leave you with this quote;

“We spend our time waiting for the ideal path to appear. But it never does. Because we forget paths are made for walking, not waiting.”- Marc&Angel

Until our next unpacking, have a great day my lovelies!

Love Always, 

Janny Mari

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My Aunt’s Keeper:

Hey everyone, hope you’re doing well. How was your weekend? Mine was pretty interesting. We had a church women’s conference at the lake Saturday. The Woman giving the conference was just a blessing to be able to learn from. Her theme was “More precious than the pearl.” I’ll try to go more in depth later on about it. Y’all already know, get comfy, your snacks, tell everyone to leave you alone for a bit and let’s chat for awhile.

Today I want to introduce and talk about someone very special to me; My Aunt Iris. As you can tell my Aunt has special needs, honestly everything about my aunt is special and beautiful. As a few of you know my main profession is being an Instructional Paraprofessional for the Special Ed. Department. I’ve grown up with and have dealt with people with special needs, autism, mental disabilities, down syndrome you name it.

Being younger though I didn’t have the knowledge I have now and didn’t recognize what behaviors were. I didn’t understand why one minute my aunt would love me and the next hate me. She would always yell at me because I sat on the floor but praised my brothers. Why’d she laugh with me one second then throw her shoes and try to hit me. For a while I thought she just hated me and growing up I felt like sometimes I had to walk on eggshells because I didn’t want to provoke her. Whenever my Aunt would come for the holidays, birthdays, events I would notice how my parents treated her as if she were a child. I never mentioned this to them but it was clear as day that even though I was their first born daughter I was not THE first daughter. Growing up I knew that Titi (Spanish word for Aunt) Iris was their first daughter.

My aunt is incapable of taking care of herself and has been since she was a child. Her mom Mary, my grandmother, was her first keeper. I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting my grandmother because she passed away when my mother was 12 years old. I want to take this moment to honor her, and those like her who had to struggle to take care of their children with special needs without the help or knowledge we have today. I know that she tried with all of her might to do what was best to provide and even though I do not have the memories, I do have her stories. I’d like to think that being able to grow up with my grandmother Mary I would’ve learned a thing or two about; Courage, Resilience, and Love.

My Aunt is older than my mother by quite a few years and when my Grandma passed my mother was nowhere near the age of taking care of her so she had to go into a group home. She’s been through a few, some not so good and the one that she’s in now she’s been with for many years. I won’t mention the company but I would be wrong not to mention my Aunts Main Keepers. I give thanks for the love and care they provide her. That they make sure she gets the queen treatment she deserves and demands and her Iced Coffees haha.

Back to my Parents though, it has been through them that I have learned to have a powerful voice and stand on being an Advocate for those who are unable to speak for themselves. Since I was about 12 I remember them starting to talk to me about My aunt more in depth, about her behaviors, about her seizures, learning disabilities, and everything you can think of. I started to go to meetings filled with so many people that dealt with different aspects of her daily living. Which ironically now I’m a part of those types of meetings for my students.

The way that my parents look at my aunt is the same way they look at me. It’s hard sometimes for children to see their parents’ love but when I look at how they look at her my heart fills with so much joy and appreciation because I get to see that love from a different perspective. She may be my aunt by blood but she is my sister by choice. We argue and fight, well let me be honest I argue and fight with her and she always wins and gets the last say haha.

As a person with family and friends with special needs and an advocate for them I tell you that this is my life’s mission. Aside from serving and Sharing God’s word. I write this in dedication to Parents who may be struggling taking care of their children or loved ones. Do not feel like your failing them, this isn’t easy to deal with. Some days you’ll feel like you’re finally moving forward and other days it’ll feel like you have no idea what you’re doing. You are doing the best you can do and it’s okay when you just need a little break.

To those who are siblings, it may seem unfair, it may be difficult, it may be embarrassing when they have a behavior and strangers look at you weird. Trust me I’ve had my share of it but instead of embarrassment I felt anger and frustration because behaviors are something they can’t control. But others can control the way they react to them.

This one time I was working at a daycare and we had a family visiting. Their son ran into our little playground and he was about 15 years old. Clearly he had special needs. I could see the distress as the family ran out and tried to bring him out of our castle. I calmly asked my coworkers to bring the students in as I stayed with the family and talked to their son. The mother began crying and the father kept apologizing and all I could do was reassure her that everything was okay. I could see that his siblings were embarrassed and I told them there was no need for all of that. I told them that I know what it’s like and that there was no judgment on my end. She hugged me and said that she appreciated my words. She was worried but I told her that I know it’s not easy to watch others judge your family because of behaviors they can’t control.

When I got home I remember crying and thinking about my Aunt, hoping that when she was out and about that no one would judge her behaviors. As I write this I can’t help but cry because she is one of the lucky ones. I know others aren’t treated as well and are unable to say so.

So please, if you are not a part of this world and you see someone having a behavior or doing what is normal to them, or even something they can not control; do not sneer, judge, or ridicule them. We also don’t need to make their families feel bad because of it. So do me a favor the reaction you may have thought of having don’t have it. Instead choose to be a decent human being. It’s hard for those with special needs but it’s also hard for their families. Remember that.

It was through my parents that I learned true love and compassion. What it is to have patience and treat someone older than you as a child without degrading them. It was through them that I learned how to get on their level, to see them, to hear them, to love them, and to protect them.

To the company that is her keeper 24/7 and in charge of her daily living, Thank you. If I’m anything like her then I know she is not easy but I’m still very grateful for you all and appreciate your hard work. To family members who I know check-in and send her things thank you.

To my mom; thank you for taking up a job that you weren’t fully trained or ready for. For the sacrifices you have made and for the love and care you give not only to her but your clients.

To my dad; thank you for stepping up to help alongside mom in taking care of titi. For being a force of nature to deal with if someone messes anything up or doesn’t do what they’re supposed to for her. For loving her as a daughter even though I know for a fact that I’m the favorite.

To my Aunt Iris, thank you for throwing shoes at me growing up, Cursing me out during OUR birthday weeks, but also for the laughs and girl talks. Oh and I’d like to take this moment in declaring that even though YOU wear the Crown I’M obviously the queen and I’ll fight you any day of this week! (I am not one to condone violence but as you can see we have been at war for a long time.) With all of that said to My Aunt and Older Sister, I love you with all of my heart.

I didn’t know it then but now I know, every moment in my life, every lesson my parents have taught me, was to train me for the day when I have to become My Aunt’s Keeper.

I leave you with this quote;

“You are now in a secret world. You’ll see things you never imagined: ignorance, rudeness, and discrimination. But you’ll also witness so many everyday miracles, and you’ll know it.” -Geraldine Renton.

Until our next unpacking, have a great day my lovelies!

Love Always,

Janny Mari

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RESET:

Hello My beautiful friends, I’m truly sorry for making you guys wait so long for my next blog. My intent was to take at least a week or two off to enjoy some of my vacation and start writing right away, but as we can see it’s been more than a few weeks. I’ve tried so many times to write and I would sit in front of my laptop and start to write at least 4 different blogs but I couldn’t get past the first few paragraphs. It felt very much as though I had writer’s block but now I can understand that it was like my thoughts and feelings were all scattered. I’d start to write about one topic then try to write another but they didn’t feel right at the time, I may just finish them and share later. How have you guys been? I know I can’t really backtrack this past month and let you know everything I’ve done but that’s okay. Life gets pretty busy sometimes and I’ll try my best to keep y’all posted. I do hope you’ve all been well? Y’all already know, get comfy and let’s chat for a while.

Life has been quite the rollercoaster ride lately. The funny thing about roller coasters is that even though you can see some of the twists and turns before you get on it never prepares you for when you are actually on the ride.  I’ve been kind of troubled lately, and the first thing I have to say is that I am grateful for my people. This past month they have asked me for friend dates on days I didn’t even know I needed them. The conversations I’ve had with them, the facetimes, the hugs, and everything in between have been everything I’ve needed and more. It wasn’t until two weeks ago that I realized that I felt so scattered, that I felt that Life was living me instead of me living life. My friends & fam are also very good at yelling at me for being too good of a friend and person. You see my body was running on empty, screaming at me really until it decided enough was enough and I ended up with a fever two Fridays ago. It reached 102.8 and kept rising to the point where I had to lay in a room with a.c blasting with no blankets until it lowered. I didn’t really tell many because I didn’t want to get yelled at but my body had enough. I slept most of the night and was able to rest Sunday afternoon as I prayed and asked God to give me some clarity.

Of course I felt scattered, I was on the go and wasn’t spending enough time with God, I wasn’t giving Him all of my burdens and stress, and I definitely wasn’t being still. So all last week I decided to spend less time mindlessly scrolling through social media and devouting more time to Him.  Instantly I felt better, just having that open communication again and letting Him know that I couldn’t handle everything and that I needed His help made a world of a difference.

It’s funny because I ran into a coworker of mine and when I tell you it was God who put her there in the store that day because the Lord was just confirming everything I was telling a friend earlier that same day. She even used the same words I used and that’s when I knew everything I was feeling and needed to do aligned with what God wanted me to do and that was to “Reset”

RESET:  to set again or anew

I had to reset and refocus my mind, my emotions, and my priorities. It finally dawned on me that that was the reason why I would start one blog and not be able to finish it because I myself felt like I was everywhere. I have been praying to refocus my mind because I know if my mind is all over the place then so are my feelings. The good and bad parts of this is that I don’t display my feelings so much so no one really worries but the bad thing is that I seem so strong that no one really worries. There are definitely times where I do not want to talk about what I’m going through or what I’m feeling but I want to receive comfort just the same.

For those who truly know me know It’s so hard for me to be vulnerable and to admit when I feel overwhelmed, so this past Friday I saw a friend of mine and they gave me a hug and started to pull away . At this point I was overwhelmed by the Lord’s presence I felt earlier during service (which was beautiful by the way) and felt vulnerable; I looked up at them and then looked down and said “I need a big hug.” I knew this person wasn’t going to make me feel bad and I just needed a moment where I didn’t have to be; Janny the Leader, Janny the Caretaker, Janny the Giver. I just wanted to be held and not have to worry about looking weak and thankfully he just hugged me tightly and they said everything will be alright.

Funny how our biggest complaint can be that “we’re not superheroes and we need help” but we also don’t want to appear weak either. We want people to notice we need help but we don’t want them to notice when we’re weak.  At the moment I couldn’t explain that I was weak, that I was tired, that I couldn’t hold myself up but to have someone who can hold you up even when you can’t find those words and ask no questions is a blessing. I don’t know why I am the way that I am. Maybe it’s just a response of being the first born, of feeling that if I’m not strong enough then who will be. I’m trying to become better at letting God know when I need help, when I’m weak, instead of waiting for exhaustion to hit me.  It’s definitely not my strongest suit but something I strive to get better with each passing day..

I know that I’m not the only one that can relate to this. Sometimes it’s okay to not have it all together, sometimes it’s okay to call a family member a friend who you trust to let them know that you feel like your life’s falling apart and you don’t know how to fix it.  Rome was not built in a day and neither will your life be. Sometimes all you can do is lean on God and build brick by brick.  I didn’t like feeling so scattered or unfocused but just realizing how I felt and who I can talk to helped me.  Sometimes we also need to just listen when our bodies say enough is enough. Take those mental days, take those naps, and rest not only your body but also your mind. 

You do not need to have it all together but you do need some sort of plan; mines at the moment is to reset & refocus. To work on the things I can change and to pray on the things I can not change. Everything will be okay friend and if you feel like you don’t have anyone who’s there for you then let me be here for you.  Just breathe, you will be okay, life will get better, and you will see the light at the end of the tunnel.  The dishes can wait, reschedule your activities for the day and rest. Read a good book, drink your favorite tea or coffee, binge a netflix show, make your prayer life & relationship with God right again. Dear wonderful, amazing, and brilliant friend, remember this, just take it One Day at a Time.

I leave you with these quotes;

“Re-Set, Re-Focus, Re-Adjust, Re-Start, as many times as you need to. Just never give up.” – Unknown

“It’s not only moving that creates new starting points. Sometimes all it takes is a subtle shift in perspective, an opening of the mind, an intentional pause and reset, or a new route to start to see new options and new possibilities.” – Kristin Armsrong

Until our next unpacking, have a great day my lovelies!

Love Always,

Janny Mari

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“Human Behind the Holiness”

*Edit* I started this post a few weeks ago but time got ahead of me so the beginning of the post would be set two weeks ago and than I’ll mark where I continued it. 

Hello Everyone,

Goodness, I posted a lot last week huh?  These have been a few posts that I have been sitting on because the last few weeks have been so hectic that I didn’t really have the time to really sit and say everything I’ve been wanting to.  How are you feeling? I ask this only because I don’t want a generic answer that I would get from “Are you okay” because I know that I’m the first to say “oh I’m doing well thanks for asking.”  I think we can be more honest with each other when asked How are you feeling because it will actually make you think about how you’re feeling.  I know that a friend of mine asked me this question and it made me stop and think; it made it hard for me to give a generic answer because I truly wasn’t okay. So Reader and Friend, even if you don’t want to answer my question I hope you have someone who you trust to be honest with.  It’s not healthy for us to carry so much and it isn’t selfish to release some of the burdens you feel on someone else (Jesus Himself received some help carrying His cross).  You may be surprised but if someone truly loves you your feelings will never be a burden, if anything they will be willing to give you a shoulder to lean on. So get comfortable, grab a snack and let’s talk for a bit. 

Boy, I didn’t realize I’d be starting this heavy from the beginning but I guess that’s what happens when you begin to write. You never know how it’s starting, where it’s going, or how it’s going to end. Isn’t that exciting? So on this beautiful rainy day, get comfortable and let’s chat for a bit.

A few weeks ago I had my Pastora (spanish word for Pastress) pray for me.  In all honesty I just really missed having my Pastor pray for me. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love and adore my Pastora but like everyone else every bond is different and the bond I had with my Pastor was different.  A few Sundays ago I just really felt the need to have her pray over me and I couldn’t have been more grateful because God really spoke through her.  You see I can be very stubborn when it comes to showing how I truly feel because it used to be so hard to be vulnerable. I have learned especially through this blog that allowing yourself to be vulnerable can be beautiful.  

So as she starts to pray for me her first words were: “Janny stop acting so strong, stop putting up this (for lack of a better word ‘front’)” “It’s okay to be heartbroken, its okay that you’re hurt and disappointed that people have hurt and betrayed you but we have to be the better person.  We can not stoop to their level because that is what they want. We fight hurt with love, anger with forgiveness because God is always with us and He will elevate us and bless us when we choose to honor Him.” It was almost like God gave her a microscope to look into my heart because He was ministering those exact words to me a week or two prior to that day.  

It has been quite the month, filled with lots of emotions. Today’s topic is quite personal to me because I feel that this isn’t talked about a lot and that would be the Human side of being a Christian.  You might be saying “what the heck is she going on about?” and I want to get down to the nitty gritty of what it’s like to be a Christian. 

There seems to be this misconception that Christians are ‘holier than thou,’ if I may be frank we are nowhere near it.  I get why people would think that because there are quite a few Christians who act as if they’re above everyone else and that they’re never wrong. I do not represent that kind of Christian.  I have always been honest with you guys and I will continue to be.  There are days when I get so frustrated, people do upset and annoy me, but God is so quick with me that I barely have time to really simmer in that frustration.

As a christian I am aware that having that title alone means that I am declaring that I’m different and set apart from the world. That I am trying everyday to be a better person and follower of Christ.  I think people tend to forget that we are human, though we strive to be different in the way we act, respond, love, and forgive.  You may be wondering where the title for today’s post came from and it was from a tiktoker who made a video and happened to use that phrase.  It really resonated with me because I feel like people expect a lot from me.  They expect me to always take the higher ground, to behave accordingly, to always be the better person.

I feel like people have failed to realize that we are flesh and bone, and that I am human.  I work constantly everyday, every hour, every minute to be better but lets face it. Jesus flipped tables!  If we go to the word Matthew 21:12-13 

“Jesus entered the temple courts and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. “It is written,” he said to them, “‘My house will be called a house of prayer,’ but you are making it ‘a den of robbers.’”

Jesus was mad because these people were selling and buying in the House of the Lord. A place that is supposed to be Holy, respected, and a place to worship not to be used as a marketplace.  I use this as an example that we are human and we have feelings, granted as much as I would like to flip tables all the time I do hold myself from doing so.

EDIT: Continuing from where I left off a few weeks ago. So much has happened and I feel a lot better.

Like I’ve said before I am no better than anyone, if anything there are times when I feel like everyone else is so much better and more capable than me.  I spoke with a friend of mine awhile back and I told him that with this blog I never expected to reach so many different people and countries and that it’s such a beautiful feeling.  I also mentioned that I feel so small and that I’m trying my best to learn how to make this blog better but that I feel like a fish out of water and his words were “Welcome to my world, but that’s exactly why God lets YOU do the things you do. It’s exactly because of that posture God puts you in a position to do things. Don’t ever forget that!”

His words really impacted me and I’m very grateful for his friendship and wisom because being human also means there will be times we feel like failures. Like what we’re doing isn’t making a difference.  There are days when I doubt, days when I feel like who in the world would want to read my words and then I receive beautiful comments from you guys, my family, and friends that keep me going. Being a Christian does not mean we have it all figured out, it means we trust in God and allow Him to have His will be done in our lives.  Being a Christian is denying myself of things I may want but aren’t good for me, it means that I choose to be better despite my circumstances.  It does not however mean that we will allow people to walk all over us, yes the bible does say that we have to turn the other cheek but that doesn’t mean you should allow someone to beat you to a pulp.

For those who have followed my blog from the beginning know how much I stress the importance of boundaries. There are people in this world who hear that you are Christian and automatically think they can do whatever they want with you and that you’ll take it as is. Well I’m here to tell you that No is a word and you can use it! Here Practice with me… No noo NOOOOO N.O NOOOOOOO. Good now that we’ve practiced saying no, do not be afraid of saying that you can not help, that you are busy, and that you just have too many things going on at the moment.  It’s okay to not be available and accessible all of the time.  You need to make sure you are taking days to rest and fill yourselves up emotionally, spiritually, and physically.  

Jesus Himself took breaks from preaching and healing, and if He needs breaks to pray and be away from the crowd then so do you. Please take time to recharge your body, to live your best life, to do things that make you happy. Friends I don’t want you to misinterpret my words, as Christians we need to show love, compassion, and forgiveness towards others.  We need to take the higher road as much as we can but I do not want you feeling horrible for being human. I don’t want you to feel bad for making a mistake, for maybe arguing back when you should’ve stayed silent, for getting mad and frustrated.  These are our feelings and I will not judge you by how you react or feel. I can only tell you what I’ve been through and what works for me.  

Lastly, be kind to yourself and forgive yourself more for failing and making mistakes because there is in fact; A Human behind the holiness.

I leave you with this quote; 

“What we don’t need in the midst of struggle is shame for being Human.” – Brene Brown

Until our next unpacking, have a great day lovelies!

Love Always,

Janny Mari

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“Don’t Take it Personally”

Hey guys, did I mention in my last post how much I’ve missed you all? How much I’ve missed just writing to y’all? It’s weird because the last two weeks I tried to make time to write but they have been filled with so many things that I think I’ve only had time to eat and sleep. I’d love to hear from you guys, where are you from? How is your day going? Like I mentioned before, you guys can follow me on Instagram @jannymari or even comment below.  Summer is just around the corner and I have a few exciting things planned with family and friends.  Y’all already know, get comfy, tell anyone who’s around you to leave you alone for a lil, and let’s chat for a bit.

I don’t really know where I am going with this topic but I’m sure it’ll come out nicely (hopefully).  “Don’t take it personally,” this coming from someone who does in fact take certain things personally.  I didn’t think I was that type of person because usually most things don’t bother me but as I was talking to a friend of mine she mentioned these four words.  She said “Janny sometimes things happen, people come into our lives for a season. For us to grow, to learn how to let go, to enjoy their company, take things for what they are and live in the moment.”  It didn’t occur to me to just enjoy a moment or person for what it is and who they are. You see she brought it to my attention that when people have good hearts and intentions they only know how to love wholeheartedly.  I had to learn the hard way to be who I am completely but also practice not getting attached.  I know it’s easier said than done but to save us from heartaches and headaches it needs to be done.

I found myself taking many things personally.  Like how dare this person talk about me or treat me so badly when all I’ve done is treat them with care and respect, because if there’s one thing people are going to have is THE AUDACITY. I’ve been learning that the way a person treats you says a lot more about them then you and you know what at the end of the day no one needs to like you. Sounds pretty harsh right? But it’s the truth no one owes you anything, they don’t owe you their love, loyalty, or time.  Coming to terms with that was tough because I didn’t know how to love a person and not become attached to them. I didn’t think I was that type who gets attached but when my friend put it in the sense that we become attached when we care and want to help people to our best abilities and invest our time and feelings.  That was when I realized I get very much attached and took things personally.

This can and does include when we’re talking to someone we may be interested in,  sometimes we think that just because we’re being honest with them that they’ll be honest with us but that isn’t always the case is it? Listen Honey, one thing I have learned is that you are single until you both commit yourselves 100% to only being with each other or that ring is on your finger.  I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, I think I was born in the wrong time period, I love an old fashioned kind of love.  I still very much believe in getting to know each other and becoming friends first because my mother always taught me that marriage is work; some days you won’t like each other, but as long as you have a firm foundation and beautiful friendship then you guys can get through anything. I want that and I’m sure all of you do, I refuse to lower my standards and if something doesn’t work it’s because it wasn’t part of God’s will for my life.  Does it hurt? 10000%. We want to love and be loved and how can we not take it personally when someone doesn’t reciprocate our feelings. We all have different tastes, it’s like me getting mad at someone who doesn’t like ice cream when I don’t like avocado. Same goes for dating if I’m “Ice Cream ” and they’re an “avocado” we’re just not going to like each other and that’s okay because we are allowed to have our own preferences. I’ve met quite a few “avocados” who I thought were my type but in the  end I’ve had to tell them how they’re not the one for me. Now how do I look getting mad at them for wanting avocado and not ice cream, like a whole hypocrite.  Like it’s okay for me not to prefer them but then I feel some type that they don’t want me? That’s why things can not be taken personally.

That includes; at work, home, church, relationships.  As I’m writing this I’m like “Janny Mari, you know for a fact that you are still going to feel some type of way.” You know, I probably will because I’m not perfect but when you take things personally your feelings get hurt. You stay up at night losing sleep going over so many scenarios in your mind. You worry, you doubt, and waste so much energy when you should’ve been letting it go and giving it to God.

Ways that have helped me not take anything personally is putting myself in their shoes; not making excuses for them but trying to understand why they come at me a certain way.  Maybe they’re having a rough day, maybe I’m not who or what they’re mad at but they need to release anger.  It’s not a good feeling when someone takes their emotions out on you but one of us needs to be level headed and guided by God in that moment.  Proverbs 29:11 NIV says “Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.”  I don’t know about you but I don’t want to be considered a hot headed fool and there were many times I’ve had to humble myself because it was better to be calm then to add fire to someone who was already having a rough time. 

Another way to not take it personally is to put up boundaries, let’s be real some people see the boundary and completely overstep it.  These are people who will literally drain the life out of you because they have yet learned to overcome their own problems and traumas. Don’t take it the wrong way, I’m not saying you need to be healed and have it all figured out but there are people who have been hurt so badly that they don’t care who they hurt. They don’t care if they cause misery because that’s all they feel.  I was one that would see someone struggling and would help them as much as I could, I would get attached and they would try to drag me down with their hate and anger. These would be the same people to drag my name through the mud and I would get heartbroken because I would never do that to another person, but you mustn’t take it personally when they refuse the help you offer. At the end of the day you have to put yourself first and take care of your peace.

So from now on we are not taking things personally. Your coworker doesn’t like you and is making your life miserable oh well that’s a reflection of themselves not you. I got upset at work one day because someone did something that I felt would make me look bad and another coworker told me “we know who you are and how hard you work and we also know that person and how they can be so you have nothing to worry about.” That gave me all the peace I needed because I was so upset but she was right and I thank God that my character speaks louder than any action or words someone can say against me. That my work speaks for itself. The person you’re talking to/ are with  ends up not wanting you? It’s a major loss for them, they just made a way for you to meet someone better. Your friend is talking badly about you? Definitely a reflection and lack of confidence and love in themselves. 

So my darlings I leave you with this quote; 

“When you make it a strong habit to not take anything personally, you avoid many upsets in your life.  Your anger, jealousy and envy will disappear, and even your sadness will disappear if you don’t take things personally.” – Miguel Angel Ruiz

Until our next unpacking, have a great day lovelies!

Love Always,

Janny Mari

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