One Day at A Time with Janny Mari

It’s Your Show:

Hello friends and Happy New Years! For those who are just coming across my page, welcome and for those of you who have been keeping up with my posts you already know. Find a nice comfy place free from distraction because today’s topic impacted me quite a bit.

I was having a conversation with a friend of mine and out of nowhere she said “Janny, remember this is your show. You allow what you want and you set your boundaries, just go along for the ride and enjoy it.” She said this to me quite a few times throughout our conversation and I know it’s because she wanted me to know how important it was that I understood that my life is my show. We tend to forget that we are the main characters in our life, we are not the side character, not the best friend, not the comical relief, or the extra.

I know that sometimes we can’t help but think “how can I be the main character, I’m not pretty enough, smart enough, or popular. If anything I feel invisible, or maybe I’m just meant to help and support others so they can shine.” Who says you can’t shine too? Who says you’re not pretty or handsome enough? Who says you’re invisible? See we truly forget how much power we have. We forget that we have a say in who takes an active part in our lives and we have a say on how we get to be treated.

I was always taught as a child that people will only treat you how you allow yourself to be treated. In my almost 30 years of life I get why that was ingrained into my brain because my mom used to say “If you allow one person to walk all over you then you open the door for others to walk all over you.” So needless to say I learned that if I wanted to be respected I had to demand it with my character, with how I treat others, and most importantly by respecting myself as a daughter, sister, teacher, friend, coworker, and most importantly as a Woman.

It’s sad to say but I’ve known people who didn’t know how to value themselves, or they didn’t respect themselves and because they didn’t set any boundaries then people would treat them poorly. Now I’m not saying anyone is asking for it because everyone deserves to be respected but I was taught that if you don’t want someone to treat you a certain way then speak up. Don’t stay quiet just because you’re afraid of losing someone whether it be a family member, friend, or significant other. If they can’t treat you with the respect you deserve then they don’t deserve to have as much access in your life. Now I can’t tell you to treat someone the way that you’re treated because as a Christian we learn to love and forgive but something that needs to be talked about more is setting boundaries and knowing that not everyone deserves to be in your life.

[Boundaries] that was a big word for me last year because sadly I wasn’t good at setting them in the sense that I would always say yes to helping everyone even when I didn’t have the strength to. I could literally feel like I was drowning in all of my responsibilities but if you’d ask me for a favor I would also go out of my way to help you. I learned the hard way that you can’t help someone if you keep pouring into others cups but you’re not refilling yours. You see, if you’re a giver by nature you have to remember that some people are takers and as long as you’re always willing to give they’ll never stop taking unless you speak up. Sadly that’s also when you realize that some people aren’t as genuine as you thought they were. Some people really are only in your life because of what you have to offer and yes that was also a hard learned lesson as well.

I thank God that through it all my heart didn’t change or grow cold. I just became more cautious with who I allowed into my life and how much access they had to it. If you ever feel like you’re running low or on empty don’t be afraid of using the word “No” I know it’s hard for us sometimes but really you’ll see how amazing it is to say. Now make sure when you say no that you’re actually resting, whether it be taking a nap, reading a good book, praying and asking God to renew your strengths daily, or just retreating by yourself and being still. Setting boundaries is so important for our mental health, whether it be at work, school, at church, with family, friends, and significant others so don’t forget to set them.

I started to ramble a bit didn’t I? Back to it being YOUR SHOW. Maybe the first few seasons haven’t been the best. You’re probably wondering when are you going to find the right one? Wondering when everything will come together and you finally get to work where you want, when you’ll have a great group of friends, and life is just going amazing. Maybe you’re wondering what kind of show your life will turn out to be. As far as I know I’m on Season 29: Episode 1, This season so far has been very interesting and different from the last. I’ve learned a lot from my previous seasons and I’ve grown mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. See as much as we want to give up because maybe the season you’re on isn’t going the way you hoped it would don’t give up. Like I’ve said in the past I’ve had moments I wish I could skip past, moments when I thought I couldn’t get up, moments when I was so tired. I may have shed a lot of tears but you know what I’ve definitely laughed more, have experienced love in such beautiful ways, have gone on adventures I never thought I would, and have met people I can’t imagine not having in my life. It doesn’t matter that it took me 29 Seasons to get here. I’m just happy to finally be in this part of my show and I can’t wait to see what Season 30 has in store for me. What I do know is that I’m going to enjoy this one to the max.

My lovelies, there is a season for everything and I want to leave you with this portion in the bible found in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Everything Has Its Time

“To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven: A time to be born, And a time to die; A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted; A time to kill, And a time to heal; A time to break down, And a time to build up; A time to weep, And a time to laugh; A time to mourn, And a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, And a time to gather stones; A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing; A time to gain, And a time to lose; A time to keep, And a time to throw away; A time to tear, And a time to sew; A time to keep silence, And a time to speak; A time to love, And a time to hate; A time of war, And a time of peace.”

So maybe you’re not in the Season you thought you’d be in but you’re exactly where God wants you to be. Remember, this is YOUR SHOW, YOU are the main character, YOU set the boundaries, and YOU allow who you want to be a part of it. Thank you for being a part of mines!

Until our next unpacking, have a great day my lovelies!

Love Always,

Janny Mari

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Dear Younger Me:

Hey guys, hoping this finds you well. You already know it’s another unpacking and this time I’m serious, you guys better be somewhere comfortable because I’m hoping this one makes you think of your younger self as well. A thought came to my mind today while I was at work because for some reason I started to think of my younger self and how far I’ve come as a person.

Growing up was kind of tough for me, being an overweight child didn’t really help matters either. I’m not someone who really talks about this so for me to be bearing my soul right now is kind of scary but I’m grateful that I can share this because who knows maybe one of you will be able to relate to me. Like I said growing up was hard, kids aren’t always the nicest, and sometimes they really do just judge your outward appearance without getting to know you. I remember there were times where even the neighborhood kids wouldn’t play with me just because of my weight and the names I’d get called. Remembering never wanting to ride the school bus especially in highschool. Younger me was something else though, she was passionate, she was loud, and the world knew when she was around.

Growing up you’d be surprised but I put a lot of pressure on myself to be a good person and great student. If my “friends” didn’t like me because of my weight then they were going to have to acknowledge that I was one of the smartest and hardworking students in their grade. From 4th grade up until I was a Senior in High school books were my best friends, there was always someone in the book that I could relate to or someone who had qualities I admired. You see I wasn’t really a popular kid, I was in band/marching band, my dad was a coach for Parks and Rec, and my brothers were either playing football, soccer, or basketball while me and my mom were always there cheering them on.

Now that I look back at my younger self, she was very gullible and naive. She didn’t realize when people were laughing at her and not with her, she didn’t realize that not everyone was her friend, and her head was always off to Hogwarts, Narnia, or wherever the setting of the next book she was reading was. Reading allowed her to leave a world that wasn’t very kind and enter a world of magic, adventure, and possibilities.

Aside from being quite gullible younger me was very wise beyond her years and mature; it was almost like it was always easier to have friends who were older than her. I used to always say I was born in the wrong time period because I’ve always been obsessed with ancient history. While my friends were going out Friday nights I always preferred staying in with a good book. While they were talking about their favorite movie or show I’d asked if they’d seen “I dream of Jeanie, I love Lucy, or Bewitched.” Lets not forget to mention while they were sharing songs they liked I’d ask what they thought of Frank Sinatra, Tony Martin, or Bing Crosby. I enjoyed the old fashion things of life and for them I was just weird but you know what I wouldn’t change any of those things because the one who introduced me to all of that including my love for musicals, Star Wars, Star Trek, Lord Of the Rings, and all things baking and cooking shows was my dad. We’d always watch and listen to all of those things together. My dad says that I’m just like my mom but in reality a lot of who I am is also thanks to him, he himself though he is on the younger side is a very old soul.

As I looked back on everything younger me had to go through, had to overcome, and to push through all I wish to do is hug her and tell her thank you. Thank you for being kind to those who weren’t, for being brave enough to not allow others to walk all over you, for having a voice and choosing to be seen, and respected. Younger me was brave, fierce, and had fire in her soul. She smiled more than she showed how hurt she was because she didn’t want anyone to worry about her. I wish I could tell her how loved and wanted she is now, I wish I could show her that she is respected and valued, show her that she now has the types of friends others dream of having.

As I write this I can’t help but get emotional because it’s never easy for me to open up about myself, well anything really especially about when I was younger. I didn’t have an awful childhood because my parents made sure I was taken care of and had the best possible life but like they always told us “growing up the world isn’t going to be like what we’ve built in our house, it isn’t always going to be nice or love you. It’s going to be hard and it may be unkind but that doesn’t mean we have to be.” You never truly realize as kids how damaging words and actions from others can be but I’m glad to have found a place I can leave this in and reflect on.

Younger Me, We have traveled to many places, we have had many adventures, we finally studied Ancient Egyptology! We dived in a tank with 9 Sharks! We have fallen in love with God and finally decided to serve Him fully and we haven’t looked back, we have opened up and taken risks. You are strong, beautiful, and still light up every room you enter. You have friends who love you just as much as you love them. Younger me we made it, finally others opinions or harsh words don’t matter. Thank You for everything you went through just so that I can be where I am today.

With all of that I just want to say, take a minute to see how far you have come, how amazing you are, and everything you have overcome to be the person you are today.

Until our next unpacking, have a great day my lovelies.

Love always,

Janny Mari

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“Silenzio Bruno!”

Hey Guys, how are y’all doing? I hope this post finds you well. Before I start to ramble and unpack, I’d like you to take a few minutes to find a nice spot where you can relax and take a deep breath. I don’t know if life has been unkind to you lately but take a moment for yourself not to think, worry, wonder, or problem solve but to just be still. Sometimes we need to seek intentional moments of stillness during the day because it helps to just unwind for a bit and breathe. Feeling better? Good now let’s talk.

As I mentioned in previous posts this year has been a year of overcoming many fears and doubts. I’m actually very proud of everything I’ve done and tried this year. I have done things I’ve always dreamed of but never thought I’d do, things that have pushed me completely out of my comfort zone, and things that I honestly wouldn’t even attempt because of fear holding me back.

Let’s get to the root of this though, what makes us so afraid to try or do something? For me it was the: “What if I try and fail? What if I get made fun of? What if they don’t like me? What if it wasn’t worth it? What if I get hurt? What if…” I don’t know what your “What ifs” are but take a moment to think about what is holding you back from experiencing life to the fullest, what’s stopping you from asking for that promotion, or what’s making you stay inside the safety of your box? When you look into the root of what’s causing you to fear and doubt then it’s easier to overcome. I want to be transparent with y’all a lot of what holds me back is my weight. Sometimes I think “If I attempt this they’ll talk about me, what if I don’t fit, What if they laugh?”

Would you like to know how I slowly over came that fear? I started going to the gym in 2019 and was met by the best support team I could have, my trainers/ coaches and gym buddies. To my surprise not once was I made fun of, if anything I became an inspiration to many and even the most fit members would come up to me to say how I push them to try harder everyday and how amazing I am. They said these things about me and you know what it feels amazing to work hard for yourself and inspire others.

Going to the gym made me fall in love with myself and gave me such an amazing confidence boost because I realized that I was strong, healthy, and capable of doing amazing things. Currently with work and how crazy my schedules have been I haven’t been able to go as much but knowing my friends/ trainers they’ll kidnap me back soon hahaha.

So back to it, once fear is overcome what about the rest? Well little by little I would try to push myself to do things I wouldn’t usually do because It’s my life and I don’t want to live a boring one. I want to leave a beautiful story behind for my future kids and generations to come so that they could see that I didn’t let anything hold me back from having a life full of adventures, love, and laughter.

We fear so many things, fear of not being good enough, fear of failing, fear of rejection, and so many more. Would you like to know a little secret? Fear doesn’t look good on any of us. Would you like to know why? Because 1. You are enough. 2. Who cares if you like someone and they don’t like you, you are a catch and someone out there will see the amazing person you are. Moving forward we are not holding on to feelings longer than we should. It isn’t a crime to like someone and let them know, if they don’t see you that way it’s fine move on, get your favorite pjs, ice cream, and have a good cry but don’t hold on to that. Someone who is truly worth your time will prove that they deserve it and you. 3. If you fail you’ll learn a valuable lesson and you can always try again.

I’m not saying that it’s easy to cast away fear and doubt but it is possible to overcome them because as it says in 2 Timothy 1:7-

“ For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”

Isaiah 41:10-

“Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”

Just a few verses on how God has not given us fear and yet here we are so willing to allow fear to overcome us. Why should we let fear consume us? I always try to pray before I do or plan anything because I also recognize that I live by God’s will and know that He has His own plans for my life but that doesn’t mean He doesn’t consider the petitions of our hearts. So why should I fear life? Why should I let opportunities escape me because I’m afraid to fail. Here are a few quotes that when I read them I just had to share them with yall

“I thank God for my failures. Maybe not at the time, but after some reflection. I never feel like a failure just because something I tried has failed.” —Dolly Parton
“I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying.” —Michael Jordan
“Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead-end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” —Denis Waitley
“I don’t want the fear of failure to stop me from doing what I really care about.” —Emma Watson
“What is the point of being alive if you don’t at least try to do something remarkable?” –John Green
“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” —Thomas Edison
“A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.” —Albert Einstein

You see my lovely friends, it’s not that we should fear failure but embrace it, it’s not going to feel the best but the wisdom and knowledge you recieve from experiencing it will help you in life. So my dare for you is to dare to dream big, dare to go on an adventure, dare to fly!

One of my favorite quotes is:

““What if I fall?” Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”

— Erin Hanson

Instead of doubting and thinking of the worst outcomes, think of how beautiful your experiences and adventures will be if you decide to go for it. For as long as I could remember I have always wanted to be a teacher and work at a school but when I started working at daycare centers I became comfortable with the environment I knew. I knew I deserved more, especially pay wise but for some reason I was afraid to seek more, afraid to ask for more. So last year while I was working at a daycare that honestly wasn’t the best environment for me I didn’t appreciate how I was getting treated. I knew I was getting paid less than what I should’ve gotten, especially for my experience. I ended up getting fired in September 2021 because I asked for a raise. I was making $13 an hour and yes I know that’s more than most but I know my worth and asked for a $1 raise. Did I know that I was going to be treated like I was nothing and embarrassed in front of my coworkers just because I asked for a raise? No, I did not I was so hurt and I remember going to my Pastor’s house crying and he told me “Janny this isn’t going to be the first or last time you will get fired from a job, I know that it is unfair but only God knows the plans He has for you and who knows maybe your next job will be even better.”

And you know what my Pastor was right, little did I know this year I would get the opportunity to become a Paraprofessional and get paid $20 an hour. I’m not telling you all of this to brag but I just want you to know that we can not fear change because I was so comfortable in an environment that I wasn’t growing in, I wasn’t being used to my fullest potential. I was scared to start a new profession especially in a Middle school with a different age group. I was scared of not being smart enough, wondering if I’d fit in with all of my coworkers, If I’d be a good enough teacher. As stressful as this job can be I absolutely love it and mind you sometimes we even sell ourselves short because as much as I begged for a $1 raise God had other plans and gave me a $7 raise. Change is scary but sometimes it’s worth it.

And if you’re still scared after all of my rambling that’s okay it just means you have to overcome it.

So in the words of my friends Luca and Alberto from the movie “Luca” just say

“Silenzio Bruno!”

Whenever Luca and Alberto have a voice in their head telling them they can’t to something, they call it a Bruno. Bruno is actually just nerves or fear, so to combat their inner doubts they say “Silenzio Bruno!” This gets Bruno to be quiet and helps the boys be brave. https://sarahscoop.com/top-10-quotes-from-disney-pixars-luca/

So make sure that with God’s guidance and a little courage you overcome that tiny voice in your head that says you can’t!

Until our next unpacking my lovelies!

Love Always,

Janny Mari

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Who can be Youer than You?

Hey Guys, It’s Wednesday December 15th. Hopefully at this moment you’re pretty comfy, relaxing, and in your favorite loungewear because today we’re going to unpack a little since life’s been pretty interesting.

Last week a coworker and I were talking and they asked me how I would rate them. The question completely threw me off guard because I honestly never thought of how I would rate a person. It’d be so much easier to just say you’re a good or bad person but it wouldn’t be very accurate. There are so many layers to just one person; there’s what we see on the outside but rarely does someone completely show who they really are, especially on the inside. We as people tend to wear many hats (Parent Hat, Sibling Hat, Spouse Hat, Work Hat, With Friends Hat, With Family Hat.) Most of us only allow people to see what we want them to see.

For me at least, home is a safe place where I don’t always have to be smiling and doing something, I can just relax and be me. Now I’m not saying that I pretend to be someone I’m not but I tend to get drained a lot when I’m with family, coworkers, or friends since I always tend to be in the middle of things making people laugh, smiling all of the time, and making sure everyone’s okay. I’ve been told that my resting face isn’t the nicest and can be quite intimidating so if people don’t see me with a smile they either think I’m mad, upset, or going through something when literally I could just be thinking about when I’m getting more coffee.

What you see from me is really what you get. Am I guarded? Yes. Do I love hard? Absolutely. Can I be emotional sometimes? Yes. I’m human, I make mistakes, I have flaws, and I think a lot of people forget that because I seem so well put together and carry what I go through well. I’m rambling aren’t I? Back to my discussion with my coworker. They asked me how I would rate him as a person and to my best abilities I tried to name a few of their great qualities.

It wasn’t until after I told them about their qualities that I had begun to wonder how this person would rate me, well better yet how they viewed me. This person started to list right away: “You’re goal oriented, your laugh along with your personality compliment your demeanor, you’re very neat and very classy which is important. You explore a lot but especially in your head, You seem to wonder and wonder that it’s almost like you have more wonders than the Seven wonders of the world. Sometimes if you want something you just need to go for it.”

As I sat there listening to this person I couldn’t help but be very surprised because I wouldn’t have expected him to say all of that. Not because I didn’t believe those things to be true but because I forget that people can have their own opinions about you as a person. Sometimes the problem lies in the fact that we try to impress others so that they think we’re cool or a certain way and we end up changing ourselves to fit their opinions of us because we think it matters. So many people try so hard to change and become someone that will fit the Status Quo but why not own who you are?

I am clumsy, I am forgetful, I cry watching shows and movies when I’m sad, if I feel like it’ll get too sad I’ll skip to a happier part. Some days I just want to be in my room doing nothing but watching hallmark movies or just being still and not on the go. I can be very loud and obnoxious when I’m with my selected few. Sometimes If something happens that hurts me or upsets me I tend not to show it and deal with it on my own in my safe space. When something really funny happens I laugh until my cheeks hurt and end up coughing a lot. I’m in my head a lot, always wondering and thinking, so many thoughts go through my head that I rarely say out loud and it’s nothing bad really just mostly thoughts on what I need to do or should be doing or how I could’ve handled a situation better. I used to put everyone’s feelings ahead of my own and that is something I am currently working on because I know that my feelings matter.

Why am I letting y’all know this? Because I used to be the type of person who wondered if people thought I was a good person, and I’m going to be honest I do not seek popularity or to be the best person in the room. I want to be the best version of myself, I don’t want anyone thinking I’m trying to compete against them because in reality I am competing with myself. I’m always wondering: Am I leaving a good impression with everyone I meet? Do people leave knowing they are cared for and special? Are the choices that I’m making following God’s will for my life. Am I a woman after God’s own heart? Are my actions pleasing to God? Do I carry myself well with grace and kindness? These are the thoughts that pass through my mind.

To be frank sometimes my thoughts towards myself aren’t so kind. I see attributes or traits in others that make me wonder maybe I should look like this, maybe I should be thinner, maybe I’m not as pretty, it’s not fair how this person looks like this. I’m not a materialistic person at all but the enemy sure does love attacking our self esteem, our self image, and our self worth huh? It’s so easy to hear the negative thoughts in the midst of a sea of positive thoughts.

Through it all I can’t help but be reminded about what the Bible says about us in Genesis 1:27:

“So God created mankind in his own image,   in the image of God he created them;  male and female he created them.”

We tend to forget that we were created in the image of none other than God Himself. I don’t know about you but I haven’t seen His face but I know He is beyond what the word beautiful can describe. We live in such a time that society dictates what the standards of beauty are but why not dare to think and be different? Why not wake up and realize that you are loved, you are desired, and you are precious? You are literally worth dying for and here we are letting these lies and thoughts about ourselves consume us.

Own who you are! Who cares if you’re Tall, Short, Skinny, Thick, or different. Don’t you know that you are so amazing and unique that God made you because you are needed in this world. It’s so easy to think so little of ourselves when others seem so perfect. Have you ever heard of the quote “ The grass is greener on the other side” well another quote that stems off of that is that “The grass is greener where you water it.” Stop worrying about whether another person’s grass is greener than yours, grass comes in many different shades and to be honest who knows maybe their grass is fake? Remember just because it appears to be better doesn’t necessarily mean it is, not everything that shines is gold.

If you can take anything from my ramblings, it’s that even though the opinions of others don’t matter it’s nice to hear when others hold you to such a high esteem and respect you because you carry yourself well and demand respect. Lastly, remember that no one can define you or label you as not worthy, unloved, or ugly. Never give anyone the power of making you feel as if the world would be better without you because that isn’t true.

In the words of Dr. Seuss:

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”― Dr. Seuss

With that being said, until our next unpacking my lovely friends!

Love always,

Janny Mari

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Walls & Ice Castles

Hey Guys, hopefully you have a cup of coffee or tea at hand and are sitting somewhere cozy cause this post is going to go a bit deep. I’m the Oldest daughter with two younger brothers and I know that just by stating that a lot of you probably know where I’m coming from.

Being the oldest and a girl is not for the weak, we come with nothing but walls built around us. The expectations put on us not only in helping raise our siblings but of being strong enough for this cruel world takes a toll on you. As Women we are born nurturers, it’s like it’s in our DNA to take care of everyone and to want to heal everyone but at the end of the day who’s there for us?

Like I said in my previous post, life has not always been the kindest, it has had its share of disappointments and heartbreaks that makes you just want to stay to yourself. I was talking to a friend last night because they wondered why I was so guarded and why I held back so much. This wasn’t the first time that I heard this but for some reason it really made me feel a certain way. As I went along with my day I couldn’t help but to think about that statement. Was I really as guarded as they made me seem? I thought about experiences I went through in life and though it felt like old wounds were being opened I realized that I was very guarded and not without cause.

Life has a way hurting you and knocking you down in ways you’d never thought possible. With each wound I experienced a new wall was built and I opened up less. I don’t regret anything I went through in life because I love the person I am today, I am stronger, I have a voice, I am confident in myself but as I gained all of those things my walls became stronger.

Here are some reasons why we may build walls around our hearts that I found in an article @ https://inspiration.allwomenstalk.com/reasons-you-might-have-a-wall-around-your-heart/

YOUR HEART’S BEEN BROKEN

When your heart has been broken by someone careless or cruel or even kind, it hurts. It’s easy enough to make you build a wall around your heart. You don’t want to fall in love again, for fear of experiencing that same level of pain. It’s easy to spout cliches about how it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, and in time you’ll realize that. Be protective of your heart until it heals, but don’t let those walls keep you from experiencing true love when it finds you.

YOU’VE SUFFERED THROUGH THE DEATH OF A LOVED ONE

Losing someone close to you is always hard, but losing someone to the finality of death is much worse. Knowing that you can never see or speak to your loved one again is devastating, and it’s certainly enough to make anyone put up walls. However, the person you lost wouldn’t want you to cut off your emotions like that. Take your time to grieve, but realize that it’s better to celebrate a life forever than it is to mourn it and hold yourself back.

SOMEONE CHEATED ON YOU

Being cheated on is one of the worst betrayals imaginable. It makes it incredibly hard to trust anyone else. Better to break up with someone than to betray their trust and love that way. Realize, though, that not everyone will cheat on you. If you’ve gone through several relationships where you’ve been betrayed, think about the type of men or women you’ve been dating. You owe it to yourself to find someone who will respect you and cherish the gift of your emotions.

YOU’VE BEEN ABUSED

Abuse is one of the foremost and most debilitating reasons to build a wall around your heart. Whether it’s emotional, physical, mental, or sexual, it can unquestionably cause you to build protective walls around yourself, and those walls are completely understandable. Healing from abuse takes time, and some people never get over it completely. The best thing you can do is find and accept support from a group, a therapist, or a psychiatrist – whatever works best for you. With that kind of help, you can learn to heal and slowly figure out how to let others back into your life and your heart.

YOU’VE BEEN BETRAYED BY FRIENDS

Sometimes being betrayed by a close friend is even worse than being betrayed by a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife. Once a friend turns her back on you, stabs you in the back, or otherwise hurts and betrays you, it’s difficult to open yourself up to other friends. Again, you’ll need time to heal, but take a look at your other friends. Do they seem like the kinds of people who would do this to you? Don’t judge all your friends by the deplorable actions of one person.

YOU FEEL ABANDONED

Feeling abandoned by parents, lovers, or friends is extremely hurtful. Perhaps your parents didn’t give you a lot of love or attention growing up, maybe your significant other spends more time doing something else, or your friends may put distance between you. Whatever the reason, feelings of abandonment make it easier to then keep others at a distance – in essence you abandon them before they can do it to you. You need to know, though, that there will be people in your life who stand by you through thick and thin – you just have to give them the chance.

YOU DON’T LOVE YOURSELF

If you have a wall around your heart, it may exist because you don’t love yourself, and therefore can’t accept love from others. To truly accept love, friendship, kindness, and acceptance from other people, you have to feel those things about yourself. If you don’t, your walls may be there because you don’t feel you’re worthy of love or friendship.

Having a wall around your heart makes you feel protected, like nothing can hurt you like pain can’t get near you. The problem is that love and kindness can’t get near you either. You have to think long and hard about why you’ve built up these emotional walls, and decide if they’re doing more harm than good. Have you ever tried to knock down those walls? What do you have them?

Now I’m not saying that we need saving from anyone because we have God and His love is more than enough but what I am saying is our hearts shouldn’t be so accessible to just anyone. Why should we make it so easy for others to have our hearts just for them to play with it? Jesus died on the cross for the love He had for us and I’m not saying that someone needs to go to that extreme for us but I do believe that effort needs to be made. I read a quote that “A Woman’s hearts need to be so hidden in God that a Man needs to seek Him just to find her.” You may ask what does that even mean? Well coming from a Christians point of view it’s better to be led by God when choosing a partner and I know to those who don’t believe in God it’s a hard concept. Sometimes when we make our own decisions and just fall in love with anyone we cause more harm than good. I truly believe that when you place your heart in God’s hands He’ll give it to someone who He knows is good for you. He’ll allow that person to come along who won’t make you feel bad about what you went through but instead be willing to talk to you about anything, is willing to understand you better, and won’t judge you for your walls.

I do believe that although we don’t mean to build up walls it is our own defense mechanism, it is our way of making sure no one can easily hurt us or take advantage of our hearts. Even though it feels like a form of sabotage since we don’t make it easy for anyone who actually cares about us and loves us to get close to us, what if we are waiting for the right person who is willing to make the climb? We all know the fairytale of Rapunzel and how her prince comes to save her and climbs the tower. What if our walls are not only a way to keep people out but instead what if we’re waiting to see if anyone is worthy and willing to make that climb? What if we are just waiting for someone who doesn’t shy away from a challenge. For the Prince to be able to save Rapunzel she had to first be able to let her long hair down so that he could climb it to reach her. As strong as we may be, I know for a fact that we want to be able to be vulnerable with the right person, we want to be able to let our “hair” down so that that person can reach us.

I know that the right person will not see your walls as a challenge but as a way to draw nearer to understand you and not blame you for not being so open. You might be thinking “Well Janny, this is a lot to unpack here,” and you know what it is! That’s why I leave this here hoping that the same way I had to evaluate myself, it’ll make you want to think about what’s holding you back from enjoying life to the fullest.

No matter what made you build your walls I hope and pray you are able to heal from any heartbreak or trauma and just know that with God all things are possible. For those who are still healing and don’t want anyone in their life, that’s okay, take your time, take a deep breath and live life one day at a time. Allow yourself to feel your pain, acknowledge it, and heal from it; only you know when you’re ready to have those walls down. For those who are healed and have gotten used to the walls, if you’re ready I just want to let you know that it isn’t so bad out here. Some people are worth letting in, they’ll actually help you move on and become really important to you. Just please don’t get too comfortable within those walls because the same way that they don’t allow people in they won’t allow you out. I don’t know but there comes a point where life isn’t worth living without a little risk and vulnerability.

As my dear friend Olaf put it, you’ll see that “Some people are worth melting for.” So don’t hide behind your walls or Ice Castle for too long or you just might miss out on some pretty incredible people and experiences.

Happy Reading loves and thank you for coming to this week’s “Unpacking my feelings I didn’t even know I had.” haha!

Love always,

Janny Mari

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More Than Worth It:

Words that I was told last year that have impacted me more than I thought they would. As you guys know by now I try to be as open and transparent as possible. I’m a very public and private person. As confusing as that statement may be, it explains me pretty well. I love to take pictures and videos of places I’m visiting or food I’m trying. I like being able to bring you guys along with me in my adventures and life but aside from watching and reading my posts most don’t know who I am as a person because I only allow others to know me to a certain extent. Aside from that I don’t write or post anything too personal because I like my privacy. I’ve been told that even though I am very open I’m also very reserved and honestly it’s true. It’s hard for me to open up and be completely vulnerable with someone. I’ve gone through my share of disappointments, heartaches, and letdowns.

I’ve also received my share of advice through the years, but for some reason when I was at a low moment in my life and I heard the words “Trust me, you’re more than worth it” it woke something in me that was asleep for a long time. Sometimes as People we tend to invest all of our emotions into someone who really isn’t worth it. We overlook moments of sadness, we overlook their indifference, we overlook everything else just because we have strong feelings for them. As I was talking to a friend last night I told her “I never thought I’d lower my standards and now looking back that’s exactly what I did.” I overlooked so many things because of how I felt in small moments and at times I felt that I wasn’t worth it, I felt alone, at times I felt invisible. No Woman or Man should feel like that and I’m not saying that this person is awful or anything but sometimes the signs are there but we overlook things because our hearts tell us differently.

“Follow your heart” can be a very deceiving statement because when you are led by just your heart, mistakes are made and you are bound to get hurt if you’re not careful. The bible also mentions the importance of not being led by your heart and guarding it.

Jeremiah 17:9 “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” Proverbs 4:23 “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

It’s hard to understand why it matters so much but once you get hurt it all makes sense.

Through the many years of my life I can honestly say that there are many cons to just following your heart, there are also cons to just following your mind. When I allowed myself to be led by my heart it was like all common sense left the building. When I allowed myself to be led by my mind all of my walls were built and no one was allowed in. I have a feeling that falling in love takes a lot of both mind and heart. Your heart allows you to feel everything amazing; it is forgiving, it is willing to make things work and your mind tries to work through all of your emotions; tries to make sense of what you’re feeling and thinks about the logistics of it all.

Growing up we’re told that if you feel butterflies and are nervous around that person then they must be the one, but as I get older I realize that isn’t the case. Sure you’re allowed to feel however you want being near or thinking about the person you like but I’ve learned that when you truly like someone they bring this peace when they’re with you. You suddenly don’t feel nervous, you feel comfort. This person that you’re wondering if they’re worth it should feel like home to you. Someone you can be yourself with, someone who you can tell your insecurities to and they reassure you that you shouldn’t feel that way. Someone who makes you a little uncomfortable because they’re not scared of discussing anything with you. I’ll admit it, I’m not the easiest person to deal with. I’ve been through a lot of hurt and betrayal in the past so to open up to someone with my feelings is well lets just say I’d rather look for a needle in the haystack. What hadn’t occurred to me is what if that needle would come looking for me? Would I be ready to open up? Would I be willing to get vulnerable with someone again? I ask myself these questions and I write them here because somehow it’s easier to share all of this with you all than to just keep it to myself.

We live in such a time that it’s easier to leave someone for what appears to be shiny rather than to try to make things work. A time where ‘I love You’ is said so often that it has lost its meaning. Back then those three words used to hold so much weight, people really had to think and ask themselves if they were ready to say them and now you hear it so often. Maybe I am an old soul, maybe I was born in the wrong time period. This generation moves so quickly from one person to another that they never get to truly get to know each other. What’s so wrong with taking things slow in this fast paced world? How come no one writes love letters anymore? Why don’t we remind each other about the little things we love about the other person.

Love at the end of the day isn’t a fairytale, it can be beautiful don’t get me wrong but it takes more work than some are willing to put into it. In my 29 years of life I’ve seen many different sides of love, I’ve seen the bad, the ugly, the brokenness, rarely have I seen the beautiful, the uncomplicated, the timeless love. I’ve asked many people if they were happy with the person they married and to my surprise many aren’t. Many are just used to them, or are comfortable, a few feel stuck, but rarely did I hear they are in love with their partner. Well that is until one day I asked someone from work if she was in love with her husband seeing as they’ve been together for over 20 years I believe. One look at her face told me more than the following words that came out of her mouth. She paused and smiled and said, “Janny, I am completely in love with my husband, he is my best friend, he’s given me a beautiful life and beautiful children. When I get out of work I look forward to going home and being with him. We go on our walks and talk about our day. We aren’t perfect, no marriage is but each day we make the effort to make it work, overlook our differences, and rejoice in the life we’ve built together.” As she continued on talking I couldn’t help but think, this is the one story I needed after witnessing and hearing so many awful things about love and marriage. Love isn’t effortless, it takes work, it takes patience, and lots and lots of forgiveness.

As I reflected on how beautiful God intended marriage to be and the verses found in:

1 Corinthians 13:4-7: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

Love isn’t the effort of only one person but of two, if your view on love is negative it will be negative, but if it is viewed positively then it will persevere. You just have to be willing to work through the good, the bad, and the ugly.

With all of this being said, if you are waiting for the right one then continue to wait, don’t settle for anything less than what you absolutely deserve. If you’re currently going through a rough patch with your person, step back and try to remember the reasons why you fell in love with them in the first place and see if it is worth fixing. If you’re with someone and you feel that the love isn’t there and there’s nothing you can do to fix it, talk to them, see if they feel the same, and if they don’t then you have to decide if you’re willing to put up with it. It’s okay to walk away from something that didn’t work no matter how hard you tried. At the end of the day the decision is up to you.

But remember one thing, You Are More Than Worth It, Trust me,

Love always,

Janny Mari

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Hello 29:

As I reflect on my last day being 28 years old I can’t help but look back on the year I’ve had. It started out as the worst year of my life. Losing someone who was such a staple in my life, someone who I admired and loved with all of my heart, who I’d go to for anything and everything wasn’t easy. I wondered how my year would look since it started off badly. I can’t help but realize that this year for me was a year of overcoming fear and doubt. The fear of what if I can’t do it, what if I fail at something, what if I miss out on something because I’m too scared to even try?

This year has not only been a year of overcoming fear and doubt but also the year of dreams coming true. The minute I stopped listening to all of the negatives and began to want more for my life, doors started opening out of nowhere. For as long as I can remember I’ve always wanted to study Ancient Egyptology and I remember telling my friend in middle school that I would study at Oxford because it was an Ivy league school. What may seem silly or impossible for us is very much possible with God. Last year an opportunity presented itself to me and I began to study Ancient Egyptian Art and Archeology through an online course at Harvard. Did 11 year old me ever think that I would be able to study Egyptology much less be taught by Harvard professors and scholars? Never in a million years but I serve such an amazing God who considers all the petitions of our hearts no matter how big or small and I couldn’t have been more grateful for such an opportunity.

Something I wanted badly this year was to have an amazing relationship with God. One where I was sensitive to His voice, His Spirit, and completely fall in love with Him. I went through a lot these past few years where I felt that I had given so much of myself that I was losing sight of who I was. At some point I was no longer doing things to mainly please God but to please man. How you may ask? Because suddenly coming to church services became a chore, something I did so that no one would say anything about me. I kept saying yes to helping in so many areas without filling myself up or taking the time to rest. I stopped relying on reading the Bible daily and relied on the word I already knew, the prayers I’ve already prayed. My Pastor would always say your Prayer/ spiritual life is like a Bank, you have to keep on depositing into your account with Prayer, vigil, and fasting so that you are filled with His Spirit. When we depend on past prayers and fastings we continue to empty our account and honestly I couldn’t have learned a harder lesson in life. He knew what he was talking about, he knew that if we were ever on empty it would hard to get back to 100%.

Getting back to having a close relationship with God took everything in me. I had to go through a very hard process, I’ve had to deny my flesh, wants, and desires. I’ve had to ask God to refine me and make me new because I wanted a new relationship, I wanted to be completely in love with God and to serve Him with my whole heart again. I am pleased to report that I am finally in a place where I am madly in love with God, where I am close to Him and sensitive to His voice. All I ever want is to Worship and serve God to the best of my abilities. My goal and desire is to help others to have this relationship with God so that they realize that God loves them and wants the best for everyone.

Back to my 28th year, 28 has taught me to let go of fear and embrace new adventures and challenges. Never did I think I would study Egyptology, nor did I think that I would stand on the corner of one of the tallest buildings in New York and be able to see it from such a perspective. This year I’ve gone on so many adventures! From weekly heights, to trying out new restaurants, exploring Virginia Beach & Washington. To all of the fairs, carnivals, beaches, and late night car rides. I never thought that I’d be putting on a wetsuit and getting into a tank with 9 Sharks! Don’t even let me get started on how scared I was to start this blog and actually launch it. This year I’ve fallen more in love with God, Life, and Myself. After looking back 28 wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be and it was everything and more.

28 taught me to be even more confident, that I am beautiful, amazing, adventurous, and loved beyond compare. Definitely looking forward to what 29 will bring.

Love,

Janny Mari

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Vincent van Gogh:

The surprise I never expected but always wanted. A few years back scrolling on facebook I came across a van Gogh post, instantly my attention was grabbed. The post was about The van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam and as I swiped through all of the pictures a dream to visit this place grew in my heart. How I would get to go seeing that it was in Amsterdam I don’t know but it definitely made the bucket list.

For as long as I can remember I’ve always been intrigued by a few van Gogh paintings. Starry Night being the main one but also many of his Sunflower paintings. What really piqued my interest in Vincent van Gogh was about 12 years ago, I was really into a show called Doctor Who. Great show really and if I were to go into depth about what the show is about this blog would turn into a book. The gist is that The Doctor time travels through different periods of time in a police box called the TARDIS. In this episode:

The Doctor and Amy time travel to Paris take Vincent in the TARDIS to the van Gogh exhibit at the Musée d’Orsay. Vincent is stunned at the display and becomes emotionally overwhelmed when he overhears art curator Dr. Black (Bill Nighy) say that Vincent was “the greatest painter of them all” and “one of the greatest men who ever lived”. They return an emotionally changed Vincent to the past and say their final goodbyes. As the Doctor and Amy return to the present, Amy is confident that there will be hundreds of new paintings by Vincent waiting for them, though the Doctor is less certain. Amy is crushed to learn that Vincent still committed suicide weeks after their adventure, at the age of 37. The Doctor explains that life is a mixture of bad and good, and while their brief encounter with Vincent couldn’t undo all of the bad, they added some good to his life.
Source (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vincent_and_the_Doctor)

Now when I saw this episode I of course cried because it was emotional to realize that some of the greatest artists known to man never truly got to see how their art impacted the world so for this show to show what it would’ve been like for them to see how much the world loved their art struck a chord.

To the surprise, two years ago I found out that The van Gogh Exhibit would be coming to the U.S, specifically to Florida. I was beyond excited, I instantly told my mom and started to plan out how and when we’d go. We had plans to visit Florida and I was on a mission to see this exhibit so with flights booked and figuring out what to do during our week stay, sadly our plans needed to be changed. Not only were Covid restrictions worse for travel but the exhibit was sold out for that week so naturally we gave up on going to Florida for Spring Break and finally decided on going to Virginia Beach for the week.

Was I heartbroken? Tremendously. Did I think the world was going to end? For sure. Did I let it stop me from enjoying my Virginia Beach Trip? Nope. What was I talking about again? Oh right, my surprise. After the Brooklyn Bridge we walked around New York and decided to sightsee, once again I thought of bringing up visiting The Met Museum but thought it was best to leave it be and just enjoy the day. We walked for what seemed like an hour (now I grew up walking New York/ Jersey Streets and I knew what seemed familiar and what didn’t) where we were headed didn’t seem familiar at all but I paid no mind to that.

Suddenly my mom says “Janny look to your left” but all I could see was water, I was so confused and at this point Jackie also chimed in saying “Janny LOOK LEFT.” No matter how much they said to look left I didn’t see anything until my mom pointed towards a building. On the building the only thing I could see in utter shock was the word “VAN GOGH” . I was paralysed, stunned, and I couldn’t even think straight. I was at a loss for words, I know hard to believe but true and as shocked as I was all I could do was cry. Finally after what seemed like a dream hard to achieve finally I would get to experience The van Gogh exhibit.

As both mom and Jackie tried to get me to stop crying and enter the building I couldn’t help but think, “Is this really my life? Am I really blessed and lucky to have such amazing people in my life.” They scanned mom’s phone for our tickets and the minute we entered the walls and stairs were filled with sunflowers. As we walked up the steps I could already see many of the self portraits he painted. I didn’t know whether to continue crying, start recording, or take pictures. You may say “Janny, why must you always take pictures and videos just enjoy the moment.” Trust me no matter how many videos and pictures I take I am enjoying the moment to the fullest. I just like to look back and remember how beautiful the experience was.

As we read his life story, saw his works of art, his room, and many things come to life, something I read really penetrated my heart. Reading about his life it talked about how his father was a Pastor and how van Gogh had a passion for teaching bible study, preaching, and helping those less fortunate. A short piece of his biography

“In January, 1879 Vincent began his duties preaching to the coal miners and their families in the mining village of Wasmes. Vincent felt a strong emotional attachment to the miners. He sympathized with their dreadful working conditions and did his best, as their spiritual leader, to ease the burden of their lives. Unfortunately, this altruistic desire would reach somewhat fanatical proportions when Vincent began to give away most of his food and clothing to the poverty-stricken people under his care. Despite Vincent’s noble intentions, representatives of the Church strongly disapproved of Van Gogh’s asceticism and dismissed him from his post in July.”
Source (http://www.vggallery.com/misc/bio.htm)

As I read more into his life I couldn’t help but empathize with this man. I didn’t know this part of his life seeing as I focused on his art but I couldn’t help but feel an even deeper connection with him. Most people only know that he was an amazing artist who was depressed and had mental breakdowns that landed him in an asylum. To know that this man loved God, loved teaching bible study, and helping others brought me to a whole new level of admiration. Instead of viewing him as someone who was depressed and somewhat crazy I began to view him as a fellow follower of Christ. I mentioned to my mother and Jackie that it all made sense why this man went through so much torment in his life. How powerful could this man have been as a Preacher, how much of a threat was he that the enemy made sure this man had gone insane and was so depressed that in the end he decided to take his life.

It was like I was viewing his art for the very first time and my heart was not only happy but somewhat very emotional. Though this man experienced pain, anxiety, depression, manic episodes he still chose to paint the world that he saw so beautifully and vibrantly. As I write this I can’t help but pause and reflect on life. This man has been gone for many years now and he is still teaching me that though life can be hard, can be exhausting, can feel lonely it doesn’t take away from the beauty it still holds.

Has life been unkind to you? Have you felt that you’d be better off gone? I want to let you know that to me you are a beautiful painting. You may be complex, hard to understand, painted with many layers but at the end of the day you are valued and admired.

My experience at the van Gogh Exhibit was not only a dream come true but I left understanding people and life a bit better. Seeing his paintings come to life to such magnitude was life changing and I soaked up every minute of it. If you guys ever get the chance to go run don’t walk because I’m sure you’d love it just as much as I did.

Love always,

Janny Mari

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New York, New York:

Now by this point you must be wondering, when is my actual birthday? Well it’s on November 20th and if you’re wondering if I really do celebrate all month yes I do. Actually if I’m honest it all started as a joke years ago that I w9as going to celebrate all month long and when I tell you my friends took this and ran with it they RAN. You’re probably thinking why the whole month, well I am extremely lucky and blessed that they love to celebrate me as much as I love to celebrate them. They also like to reserve days throughout November to spend time with me and go on dates and adventures. So this past Saturday my mom and another close friend took me out for a day that turned into a weekend of fun. In October my mother kindly and mostly threatened me to make sure I made no plans with anyone for November 6th. Why November 6th? Honestly I thought the same thing but I didn’t really question it because I was just excited plans were made.

So the day finally came, and plans changed up a bit. My mother’s initial plan was for us to go to Spa Castle, this place in Queens I believe to just soak in some hot tubs and relax but then last week she told me that the plans would have to change because the spa would be closed for at least another week. So the plan was to visit the Brooklyn Bridge which was in fact on my bucket list. I’ve always wanted to walk it but we just never had the time to and it was the perfect time to go. So Jackie picked us up and we were ready for our girls day out in New York, we stopped at Dunkins of course and we were on our way. I tried to think of other things to do while we were in New York and I thought it would be good to visit the Met Museum but when I mentioned it in the car neither of them seemed as excited about going. Not going to lie I was confused because I thought they would want to get tickets and go as much as I did but nope they weren’t interested.

I tried not to pay too much mind to it and just enjoy what the day had to offer. We got to the Bronx and parked so that we could take the subway to Manhattan since it would leave us right where we needed to be at the entrance of the Brooklyn Bridge. It was a beautiful day and I literally can not complain because it was gorgeous outside. The entrance was pretty packed with people which I expected but it wasn’t too bad. So we proceeded to make the walk up the bridge, was I regretting the fact that I was wearing a long coat? Maybe a little, was I excited to finally be on the bridge? Oh absolutely! I had so many thoughts running in my head, should I pose this way or that way? How am I supposed to even take pictures when the sight in front of me deserved just as much of my attention.

As I asked my mom to record me walking on the Bridge I may have forgotten to mention something important about me. Me and Heights are not the best of friends, growing up I loved going on roller coasters and thrived off of the bigger the better but now in my late 20s heights just do something to me. Even looking down and knowing I’m up so high makes me a little nauseous and light headed. Later on I will be writing about an adventure I had over the summer that involved heights, guts, courage, and closing my eyes and holding onto Jackie for dear life.

Now y’all already know I mentioned my love for BTS and Taehyung took pictures a few years back on the bridge so y’all know your girl had to! To be on the actual bridge was such an amazing experience.

To not only be able to see the New York skyline but also the design of the bridge up close and the history alone of how long it took to build made me emotional and like I said a tad nauseous but I made sure not to look down much. We were on the bridge for probably almost two hours and were of to our next adventure. I had no idea what waited for me next but boy did I cry.

To be Continued..

Love,

Janny Mari

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Chasing a Sunrise

It was the final day at the Coonamessett Inn, and Bekah and I decided that since we were so close to the beach how beautiful it would be to see the sunrise. To be honest it’s always been a dream of mine/ bucket list to be able to go to the beach early in the morning while it is still dark and wait to see the sunrise. Our plan was to wake up early but what we didn’t take into account was how comfortable the beds were going to be. I tossed and turned all night. I don’t know why, maybe it was because I was really excited to finally cross this off my list, maybe it was because I was having such a good time and didn’t want it to end. As I heard my alarm go off, I could feel the heaviness in my eyes fighting to stay closed if only for a few minutes but then I realized it was time to see the sun rise! I turned to wake up Bekah but noticed she was already awake on the other bed and was just on her phone.

I was so excited but extremely tired, we both got up, put on something quick and casual and we noticed the tiniest hint of gold outside. We ran to the car trying to figure out which beach would be best to catch the sunrise and raced down the road as if our lives depended on it. A 5 minute drive seemed like forever when we thought we were going to miss seeing the sun. The closer we got to the beach the more excited we became, as we tried to look for the perfect parking spot I couldn’t help but take my phone out to start recording and taking pictures of this moment. When I tell you I was overcome with emotion at the mere thought of being at a beach so early in the morning that it was still dark but the hint of gold danced far away on the water. I didn’t know whether to stop and soak in the moment, run, jump, or cry. I’m sure I was a sight to see but neither Bekah or I cared because we knew what was coming was going to be beautiful.

The hint of gold started to get bigger and then the most beautiful orange, yellow, and red appeared along with the gold and the sky started to transform from black to dark blue to a beautiful soft blue. Seeing the reflections of the colors reflected on the water was a sight to see and I wanted to see more so of course aside from taking as many videos and pictures as we could we also thought why not go towards the sun! So we did what any normal person would and we chased after the sun. Let me tell you running and even walking on the beach is no easy feat. Did we bring the right shoes? No. Did we realize how freezing it would be so early in the morning? Yes but also no. Did we care? Not at all. The sun started to rise higher and higher into the sky and by this point we had gotten as close as we physically could. The mere sight before me truly left me speechless. All thoughts of how tired I was, how cold it was, how crazy this was ceased to exist and all I could think about was how good and beautiful God is! How in the world was I able to witness such beauty, there are no words to really describe how I felt in that moment but I can tell you that my heart soared and I was happy and content to not only be alive but also to be living the very best of my life.

I encourage you whether alone or with a loved one to go and chase a sunrise or a sunset. Live in that moment, soak it up and breathe. Moments like these don’t come very often.

*SHOUT OUT* to Bekah for knowing how to get the angles and for taking more than half of these beautiful shots haha

Love,

Janny Mari